Do Anything To Just Feel Better
by Black Wolf Ranger
Summary: Kurt Hummel is a miserable teenager. He gets bullied every day, his love life's a mess, and worst of all, his father is abusive to him. Kurt will do just about anything to make his life better, until he finds a young boy who might help him change his ways. Eventual Kurt and Blaine, but for the most part Kurt and Finn with a bit of Kurt and Karofsky. OOC for Burt. Lots of Chapters!
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Glee! I'm just a fan with lots of ideas. Title comes from "Just Feel Better" By Santana featuring Steven Tyler. I don't own that either. Rated M to be safe. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Um...yeah.**

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It was a miserable day in Lima Ohio, but that did not matter for Kurt Hummel, because every day was miserable for him. He had woken up before his alarm clock as usual, because he rarely slept to begin with, and had made his way upstairs to the kitchen from his basement bedroom. He stared outside the kitchen window, watching the rain splatter against the clear glass. That is what Kurt felt in his mind every day since he realized he was gay, rain, and he hated rain, even if that meant he could wear a fabulous pair of rubber boots.

Kurt sighed, wondering if he could fake sick and not go to school that day. He hated school as much as the rain because he got bullied relentlessly there. He had no friends because nobody wanted to be friends with the gay sixteen year old who was always tossed into dumpsters just because of his sexual orientation. Kurt sighed again; it particularly hurt him that the hottest guy at school in his mind, Finn Hudson, was the main culprit. It was bad enough that he had this stupid crush on him, that he had a fantasy that he would one day rise against the bullies, take a stand, and stop them from tormenting him, but what made things worse than his sick love interest with Finn, was that fact that his dad married Finn's mom.

"Why are you up so early?" Kurt spun around to see Finn had just entered the kitchen. Both boys had a confused expression on their faces.

"I could say the same to you." Kurt sneered.

Finn glared at him quickly and Kurt decided to stop being so snarky with his comments. "I'm going to the weight room to lift some weights." Finn said suspiciously, eying Kurt up and down. "Gotta keep my throwing arm strong." He paused briefly, eyes still fixated on Kurt.

"Oh," Kurt replied uninterested. Sports were never his thing. "Plus throwing you in the dumpster later will be an added bonus to strengthen my arm." Finn laughed and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Laugh all you want because I'm not going to school today." Kurt told him, arms crossed and smiling.

Finn was confused again. "You don't look sick." He said staring at Kurt. "I mean you look pale, but that's every day." Finn snickered.

"Ha ha." Kurt sarcastically laughed along with Finn. "Just you wait and see, one day you bullies won't have power over me."

Finn walked over to Kurt and placed a hand on his shoulder. He was able to do so because Finn was actually taller than Kurt. "Well that day's not today." He chuckled. He patted Kurt's shoulder a few times before adjusting his backpack, and walking away. "Oh, good luck with telling Burt you're sick, fag." Finn continued to laugh until he was out the door and even then he was still heard until he entered his car and drove away to the school.

Kurt sighed, knowing that he was probably going to school that day. Nothing got past Burt, Kurt's father. He was the traditional, tough, manly man from Lima. Kurt could not talk to him about anything, not the bullies, not about being gay, nothing. If he were to talk about the bullies, his dad would just say toughen up. If he were to talk to him about being gay, he'd say stop. Kurt sighed for a fourth time and spent the rest of the time he had figuring out a way to look sick, instead of preparing for school.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.2

Kurt spent his time running around the kitchen as many times as he could until he was tired. He then took a spritzer bottle, filled it with water, and then sprayed himself a few times to make himself appear sweaty. He practiced his fake cough and forced his body to shiver until he was completely satisfied. However, he did not think his forehead was hot enough when he touched it so he began running around again. "I'm not going to school today. I'm not going to school today." He told himself determined to achieve his goal.

As he ran around the kitchen island counter, his father, Burt Hummel, made his way down the staircase from his bedroom and into the kitchen. He had a blank stare on his face as he stared at his son run around in circles. "What the hell are you doing?" He eventually asked, getting annoyed. He was always quick to anger, especially when he thought Kurt was doing something foolish.

Ever since Kurt's mother died when he was eight, Burt behaved differently. He used to be a loving caring father, accepting all of Kurt's quirks and odd behaviors, but after her death, he began to treat Kurt as if he was the dirt he walked on. Kurt thought things would change and go back to how things used to be when Burt got remarried. However that dream died relatively fast. Kurt was lucky to have not been hit by his father yet, but he always worried that it would happen one day.

Kurt froze in the middle of his run. He quickly turned to see Burt giving him a hard stare. His eyes went wide, wondering how long his father had been watching him.

"Well?" Burt did not like to be kept waiting.

"Uh…where's Carole?" Kurt said the first thing he could think of, noticing his oblivious stepmom was not around.

"Getting ready." Burt told him. "So why were you running?" He asked still annoyed.

"Uh…what?" Kurt tried to play it off like nothing, but it did not work.

Burt just got mad and walked up to Kurt angrily. "Don't get stupid with me boy." His voice was a low growl and Kurt's fear sprung up again, afraid his father may do something drastic and hit him.

Kurt flinched and his father smiled, happy to see he still had power over Kurt. "Now you're going to tell me what you're up to right now." He glared, pointing a finger in Kurt's face.

Kurt fell down as he leaned back. Burt chuckled when this happened. Kurt quickly stood up and dusted himself off. "Uh…" He had to think of a lie and quickly, realizing that he was going to have to go to school that day. "I'm thinking about trying out for cross country dad, yeah." He awkwardly smiled.

Burt laughed, "You, cross country? You're so weak and pathetic; you would not be able to run a whole course without passing out less than half way." He smirked evilly.

Kurt looked down to the ground, "Oh, right. Well, I guess I'm just going to go to sch-"

"No you're not." Burt interrupted. He made his way to the table and sat down, pulling out an empty chair next to him. "Sit." He demanded. Kurt, still looking to the floor, slowly walked over to his father and sat down in the chair next to him. Once he was seated, Burt pulled out a pamphlet out of his back jeans pocket and slammed it on the table. Kurt's eyes widen. It was one of his escape plans, a NYADA college brochure. Kurt had this dream that he would one day run away from all of his suffering by going to New York when he was a little bit older and ready to start college. "What's this?"

"Uh, a school-"

"Huh?" Burt shouted, putting a hand behind his ear. Kurt was mumbling, not really wanting to talk.

"A school pamphlet." Kurt said a little louder.

Burt laughed, "College? You really think you're going to college? Ha! I've seen your grades, you barely get by. I'm surprised they don't hold you back."

"Dad, Carole."

"Let her hear! My son is stupid, she ought to know!" He continued to shout. "Look," he stated, scooting closer to Kurt. "Get these silly college plans out of your head, you know why? Cause you're a failure." Burt stood up in disgust. "Now get out of my sight."

Kurt nodded, believing the words his father had been telling him for years. He stood up and left to go to his basement bedroom to pack up his satchel, silently crying.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch.3

Kurt drove his big, black SUV the long way to William McKinley High School wishing something would happen to him along the way. Some kind of car trouble or a severe accident that would not necessarily kill him, but knock him out until the bullies graduated for example. However, Kurt's drive to the school parking lot was a smooth ride despite the rain. Not even a bump in the road to distract him.

Kurt parked in the lot and turned off his car. He stayed inside for a long time though, his head against the steering wheel. He listened to the rain hit against his windshield and cursed under his breath. After a few minutes of doing nothing but wallowing in his own self-pity, Kurt got out of the car and pulled out his umbrella. He opened it and began running toward the direction of the school. However, just a few yards from the school entrance close to the parking lot Kurt normally used was a giant dumpster bin usually full of big, black trash bags almost up to the edge of the bin.

Today was different though. As Kurt ran towards the double doors he noticed the garbage bin was open, but it did not have the big, black bags inside of it. He thought it was strange that it was open with the heavy rain pouring down. He stopped to stare at it confused for a while and that was his mistake. Just as he turned around to head back toward the school, he saw a close up of David Kurofsky face, one of the biggest bullies in school with sandy hair and soulless eyes.

"Boo!" He shouted and Kurt jumped back causing Karofsky to laugh.

Kurt regained his composure and glared at Karofsky. "Oh real mature." He said in disgust.

From there he tried to walk past Karofsky, but Karofsky roughly grabbed him. "Where do you think you're going?" As if what Kurofsky said was a signal, a bunch of other bullies, mainly football players, appeared out of nowhere looking like demons with the rain splattering on them. Finn was included in the group. Kurt's eyes widen and Karofsky laughed again. "Look at him, he's scared. He's probably shitting in his pants."

"Uh guys…" Kurt stated shakily, backing up. "Can we just skip today?" As he walked backwards he eventually hit two muscle bound members of the football team. They grabbed him before Kurt could run away. "Oh come on guys, it's raining!" Kurt complained as Puck, a top heavy individual with a dark mohawk, snatched his umbrella away. From there, the two football members who grabbed Kurt picked him up because he was so lightweight, and carried him over to the rusty dumpster. "Guys!" Kurt shouted desperately.

Finn merely shrugged, "You should get better at faking sick."

The two football players now had Kurt hovering the dumpster's opening. Kurt looked out the corner of his eye to see that the garbage bin had some water in it because of the rain, and no trash bags whatsoever. Kurt then looked to his black rubber boots as he felt a tug at his feet. He saw Puck had taken his shoes, leaving his feet covered only with socks. "Oh come on guys! What did I ever do to you?" Kurt shouted now trying to struggle, but it was no use.

"Stare at our junks." Karofsky told him.

Kurt was appalled that they thought that simply because he was gay. "I never did-" Splash! Kurt was let go and he fell into the water filled dumpster, bruising his back in the process.

The bullies all laughed and high-fived each other in success. Kurt stood up, groaning in pain and holding his back. As he stood up he got a look at the bullies as they went inside the high school, but as he watched them leave, he swore he saw Finn turn around when no one was looking and blow him a kiss. Kurt was so taken at back that he almost fell down in the dumpster again. Could it really be? Was he seeing what he thought he just saw? Kurt just assumed that he must have hit his head as well as his back when he was dropped. Finn could have never done something like that to him. Finn had hated his guts since they met.

Kurt shook his head, getting the thought out and tried to escape from the dumpster. However, he could not pull himself out. Normally, he had a pile of trash bags that elevated him above the edge or at the egde to help him get out. This time however, he had nothing. He was stuck. Kurt sighed and sat down in the dumpster, soaking his pants. He sighed not knowing what was worse, the fact that his outfit was ruined, or that his back was hurting him like crazy.

Kurt was about to give up and just lie there in the dumpster when a white trash bag hit him in the stomach. "Hey!" He shouted and stood up, his eyes hovering over the edge of the opening.

"Oh sorry," He saw a boy down on the ground looking around to see who made that noise. Kurt's eyes widen, even though he could not see well in the rain, he thought he was looking at an angel or something. The boy was very handsome in a traditional sense of the word, like a classic Hollywood movie star, and Kurt would know, he had seen a ton of those movies from the forties, fifties, and sixties. He had dark gelled down hair, thick eyebrows, and the gentlest smile he had ever seen. Kurt backed up when their eyes met.

"Oh, there you are." The boy chuckled. "What are you doing in the dumpster?"

Kurt was shocked that someone was actually talking to him and not insulting him at the same time. "W-What are you doing throwing away trash?" Kurt said the first thing on his mind, feeling stupid for saying that afterward, but the boy took it all in good fun.

"Touché." He smiled again making Kurt weak in the knees. "Need help?" He asked offering a hand. Kurt merely nodded. The boy closed his umbrella, and helped Kurt pick himself out of the dumpster and land on his feet. When Kurt got out, he hissed in pain. The handsome boy could look through Kurt's shirt to see a bruise forming around Kurt's lower back. He appeared concerned. "That doesn't look good." He stated handing Kurt the umbrella. "I'm going to take you to the nurse."

"No!" Kurt quickly shouted, knowing that the nurse would just call his dad and then he would have to deal with him again and get into more trouble. "I mean, I'm fine."

"That doesn't look fine." The other boy shook his head.

Kurt was so confused, no one had ever shown concern for him before, except for his mother when she was still alive. This was all too weird for Kurt. On top of that he heard the bell ring signaling that classes were about to start. "I-I got to go." He stuttered and ran away from the boy, dropping his umbrella along the way.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

Kurt hated walking in school because normally people would stare at him and whisper insults or rude comments behind his back or to other people. This time however, he was soaking wet in the hallways, dripping everywhere, and he had no shoes on. This caused even more stares and whispering. Kurt tried to move as quickly as possible to his classes, but eventually he got tired of the feeling he got walking around in wet socks. After his second period class, Kurt gave up and took off his socks and walked around the school barefoot. When that happened, laughter was added to the stares and whispering. Kurt merely sighed and tried to go on with his day without freaking out or crying in front of the whole school. He was also ignoring his back pain because he knew the school would inform his family, and if Burt knew about it, he would be even angrier with him.

On top of that, Kurt could not get the handsome boy who helped him escape the dumpster out of his head. He was the first person to actually help him instead of being a bystander. It was just so weird. He had to be a new kid. Kurt sighed, thinking that someone would eventually inform the boy about his school status and he would just join in with all the whisperers. It would have been nice however to at least know his name. After all, that boy was the closest thing to a friend he ever had, even if it would not last long.

In Geometry, Kurt could not pay attention. He would either think about the handsome boy or Finn. Yes, Finn was terrible to him, and yes, they were stepbrothers, but Kurt could still not help but find him attractive. His smile, those chocolate brown eyes, those broad shoulders and that cute stare he got when he did not understand something. Kurt bit his bottom lip as he stared at Finn in class as the teacher went on to lecture about the Pythagorean Theorem. He could not help but stare because Finn had that dopey look on his face that Kurt could not help but smile at. He knew it was messed up, but could not help this weird attraction toward him. He was drawn to Finn ever since he pushed him off the swing set back in grade school. Back when his father used to care.

However, as he stared at Finn, the handsome boy entered the back of his mind. Kurt also thought he was attractive, but as he thought about both boys he sighed, knowing that he could never have either boy. After all, he was the only gay teen in his high school, or so he thought.

After sighing, Kurt picked up his head and his eyes shifted to Finn for a brief moment. When they did Finn was staring back. He turned his head to him and Finn actually winked at Kurt. Kurt was so surprised that he nearly fell out of his seat. Everyone began laughing, including Finn, who acted as if he did not do anything to provoke Kurt.

The teacher stared at Kurt and she rolled her eyes at him. "Something you need to share Kurt?"

Kurt adjusted himself in his seat. "Uh…" He turned to Finn who was staring at him angrily. As if he was going to punch him if Kurt even mentioned him in any sentence he was going to make. Kurt quickly thought of a lie. "I just thought I saw a spider." He told the teacher. The class laughed at him again. Finn was laughing the hardest. It rang in Kurt's ears. It hurt him as if he had been punched in the face. Finn always had that power over him, just like his father.

The teacher muttered something under her breath and started writing on the whiteboard. Kurt slumped down in his seat, wanting to hide under his desk, or just disappear in general as the class began to whisper and point at him.

Kurt could not wait for class to be over. When the bell rang he bolted out of his seat and ran straight to his locker. He quickly changed his soggy materials with dry ones that were lucky enough to be in his locker instead of in his satchel when he was dropped in the dumpster. As he was quickly gathering his things, he felt someone tap his shoulder.

Kurt got annoyed and turned around. "What?" He practically shouted before freezing up. His eyes met a pair of amber green ones.

"Well hello to you too." It was the boy from before. He was in such a good mood for a rainy day. Kurt really did not like that.

"Well what do you want?" Kurt asked in a huff. "I'm very busy and if you're just going to say something mean-"

"Oh no, I wasn't going to do anything like that." The boy interrupted, confused as to why someone would do that.

"Well, what then?" Kurt was getting scared. He did not like things that were unpredictable.

The boy chuckled and pulled out a pair of white, low-top sneakers. Kurt was confused as the boy handed them out to him. "I saw that you lost your shoes, so I thought you could barrow mine." He stated with a polite smile.

Kurt was in disbelief. "What?" He blurted.

The boy smiled, "I was going to have gym class later, but I'll just say I forgot them." The boy explained and Kurt noticed he was wearing dress shoes. "They should fit if you take the laces out." He said seeing that Kurt's feet were bigger than his. "They might be a little tight, but it's better than nothing right?" He said hoping Kurt would take them.

Kurt stared at the shoes cautiously, not really wanting to take them, even though they were a really nice pair of shoes. Slowly, Kurt took the shoes, hoping they were not filled with cockroaches or something. "Thanks?" He questioned before quickly checking the inside of the shoes. To his surprise they were bug free.

The boy laughed shaking his head at Kurt's odd behavior, or at least, he found Kurt to be slightly odd. "I'm Blaine and I'm new to Lima." He stated.

"Oh that explains it!" Kurt stated loudly, confusing Blaine. "Uh, never mind. Thanks for the shoes I guess." Kurt closed his locker and was making his way to the men's bathroom when Blaine followed him.

"So, I'm a sophomore and I was wondering if you could direct me to Mr. Shuster's Spanish class?" Blaine asked, adjusting his own satchel. "You see it's my first day and-"

"Um, I'm kind of busy." Kurt stated, feeling uncomfortable that someone was actually being friendly to him. He never had a friend before. The closest thing he could think of was his mother back when she was still alive.

"Oh, right." The boy looked down to the floor. "Of course." He seemed disappointed for a little bit until an idea popped into his head. "Well maybe when you're not busy, you can show me around?" He asked hopefully.

"I don't know." Kurt stated. In all honestly, Blaine was kind of freaking him out. How could a boy as handsome as him be interested with hanging out with the likes of Kurt Hummel? He was about to enter the bathroom when he saw Karofsky out of the corner of his eye and he was laughing at the two boys. "Oh I get it." Kurt stated, thinking that Karofsky paid the boy to talk to him or something.

"What?" Blaine was confused.

"You know what?" Kurt said, handing the shoes back to Blaine. "You keep the shoes and from now on leave me alone!" He yelled before walking away to go to his next class.

Blaine just stood there in the hallway puzzled with the boy without shoes.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5

Kurt felt relieved when school was finally over that day. However, he knew he was going to relive all the torment the next day. The good thing though was that Finn and the other football players had practice so Kurt would be able to get a few moments of peace in his room, as long as he avoided Burt on the way there.

As Kurt got to his locker, he checked the bottom of his feet. They were blackened by dirt and dust from the white tile hallway floors. Kurt sighed, wishing he had worn those nice sneakers Blaine had offered. At least when he opened his locker, his socks were somewhat dry, so he put them back on over his feet. Kurt gathered his supplies to do his homework for that night, closed his locker, and then leaned against it. He hissed a bit, for his lower back was still annoying him with pain. He closed his eyes and sighed, feeling somewhat happy that school was over with.

When he opened his eyes, he noticed something a little bit scary in his mind. The new student, Blaine, was at his locker that happened to be at the opposite side of the hallway, a little bit further down from Kurt's. Kurt's eyes widen. How did he not notice this before? After all, the boy was all over him at the beginning of the day. Kurt was feeling strange when he saw Blaine. It was mainly envy because he was putting away those shoes he had offered him before. Kurt should have accepted the nice gesture, but assumed it was some sort of prank that the likes of Karofsky or Puck were concocting.

Kurt was staring at Blaine for a long time. He noticed that the boy was particularly short and if he really focused all of his senses, he could hear a faint humming noise coming from him. Kurt made a noise of disgust. He found it weird for someone to be so happy on a rainy day.

Blaine closed his locker and turned around. His golden, amber green eyes locked with Kurt's bright blue ones. Blaine smiled and politely waved, startling Kurt. Blaine chuckled and Kurt pretended that he was not watching Blaine once he regained his composure. Quickly, Kurt left the hallway to go to the parking lot. Blaine merely laughed to himself before walking away, continuing to hum.

Kurt felt a little bit panicked and was happy to get out of the high school. He quickly ran to his SUV, cursing the whole way because his sock covered feet were splashing in puddles. He felt a second rush of relief to have something shelter him once inside his car. Kurt took his wet socks off and turned on his car.

Driving barefoot was something Kurt did not find pleasant at all. He took the fast route to go back to his house just wanting everything to end. Once again, he wished another car would hit him while he drove, but at the same time he knew he was going to get some peace and quiet so this feeling was not as strong as it was in the morning.

Kurt pulled up into the driveway and turned everything off as fast as he could, hoping that Burt would not hear him, noticing that his car was in the driveway. Burt normally got home around the same time he did and that always worried Kurt. However, Kurt believed that he would be able to sneak past everyone in the house because of the fact he no longer had on rain boots. Kurt bolted to the door because of the rain, but then opened the door slowly so it would not make a sound. Kurt closed the door at the same speed and nobody seemed to notice he was inside. From there he tiptoed all the way down the stairs and finally entered his basement bedroom.

Kurt was about to relax when he noticed something very odd. Finn was in his room, on his bed, and tossing a football in the air and catching it multiple times. Kurt was shocked, but mostly angry. This was supposed to be his quiet time, alone and away from all of the bullies in his life. "What the hell are you doing? Didn't you complain about not wanting to share a room with me? You never step foot in here. And shouldn't you be at football practice or something?" Kurt was talking a mile a minute, causing Finn to smirk. Kurt folded his arms feeling very pissed off.

"Coach Beiste had an emergency with he sister, practice is canceled today and tomorrow, so we'll have to double up on the weekend." Finn explained, continuing to toss the football in the air.

"Well, don't you have your room you can do that in?" Kurt was very upset that Finn was cutting into his personal time.

"What are you going to do about it fag?" Finn asked with a laugh, thinking Kurt was going to just leave, but Kurt was angry and he expressed it.

"Why do you always call me fag?" Kurt shouted.

Finn acted as though that was a stupid question. "Cause that's what you are dumbass."

"Well if that's the case you're one too!" Kurt gasped after he said that.

Finn stopped playing with the football and got off of Kurt's bed. He walked over to Kurt with an intimidating stare. It reminded Kurt of Burt when he got angry with him. "What did you call me?" Finn questioned, feeling rage build up inside him.

Kurt got scared. He wanted to shout at Finn, telling him he noticed all of the staring and flirting, but chickened out. "I-I-" Kurt stuttered terrified because Finn was so much stronger than him.

Finn shoved Kurt, "Huh? What did you call me?" Finn continued to push Kurt until his back was against a wall. Kurt hissed in pain. "What are you going to do, huh?" Kurt flinched, hoping that he was not going to get hit, and Finn chuckled. "Just as I thought, nothing." Finn began to walk away and that is when Kurt felt something weird inside himself.

Normally Kurt was not one to do violent acts of any kind, but he felt a lot of anger inside of him. This was mainly because his day was more horrible than average and Finn was interrupting his time to escape from all the constant whispers and insults. Because of this, Kurt ran up to Finn and shoved him back.

Finn almost fell to the floor and Kurt gasped again, realizing what he had done. Finn turned around, "Oh you're dead!" He shouted and began to chase Kurt all around his room until he finally snatched up Kurt in his arms and slammed him to the ground. From there he pinned Kurt's legs to the floor with his knees so that he would not be able to move. Afterward, Finn took his arms and held them so he could not fight back. Kurt tried to struggle but it only made his back hurt more.

Kurt's heart was racing, unsure of what Finn was going to do. His eyes were a blaze and intense as they stared hard on top of Kurt's face. Kurt noticed his head was coming closer to his and he was afraid that Finn was going to head-butt him so he closed his eyes.

Surprisingly enough, instead of Finn's forehead colliding with his, Kurt felt forceful lips press against his own. He opened his eyes in shock. It felt like hours were passing and their lips were still together. Kurt could not believe what was going on. Granted, he always daydreamed that something like this would happen to him with Finn, just not as hard and sloppy.

Finn finally pulled back and Kurt just stared at him, eyes wide and breathing heavily. "Oh, don't act like you didn't like that. You stare at me all the time." Finn got back to his feet, but Kurt just laid on the floor trying to process what had just happened.

"What's going on down there?" Burt's roaring voice was heard from up the stairs.

"Nothing Burt!" Finn shouted back, before looking at Kurt again. "Just a little brotherly love." He smirked before walking away to the stairs. Before he got on the steps, Finn turned to face Kurt one last time. "Oh, tell anyone about this, and I'll fucking kill you fag." He stated seriously before going up the stairs and into his own room.

Kurt just stayed on the floor, not sure of what just happened. He spent the time he would normally use to plan his New York escape, thinking about Finn instead and those forceful lips of his.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch.6

When it was dinner time at the Hudson-Hummel house, Kurt barely touched his food. He was surprised he even got up off the floor after what Finn had just done to him. It was a just a kiss, but to Kurt it was a very big, confusing mess. He could not get the action out of his head. How Finn pinned him down and just forced his lips upon his own. It was true that Kurt had always wanted a kiss from Finn, but not like that. Besides, what did this mean? Were Kurt and Finn together now? Was Finn really gay? Maybe he was just messing with Kurt's mind? Maybe Finn wanted Kurt to react this way. To have this all of this confusion eating him up on the inside. Maybe he wanted Kurt to think he liked him to embarrass him in front of the school, or worse, his father. Kurt started not to feel good all of a sudden.

"May I be excused?" Kurt questioned softly, not looking at anyone's face.

"But Kurt you didn't eat and I worked hard to make all that food for you." Carole pointed out. It was not that she was a bad person or anything, it was just she always managed to get her words out the wrong way. Kurt was feeling even worse because he made her serve him when he was not planning on eating. "I mean you're all skin and bones." Now Kurt was worried about his appearance on top of his kiss with Finn.

"No muscle whatsoever." Burt said, disgusted with his own son. "Maybe if you ate something, you'd actually gain some pounds and not look like such a fag." He muttered so low that only Kurt could heard him. Kurt's eyes widen. Did his dad know? He knew the word was an insult toward gay people, but he also knew that some people called men fags when they did things that were not in the traditional sense of being a man. Kurt never liked that though, especially when Finn or Karofsky called him that. Kurt looked to Finn, who was stuffing his face, not caring about the conversation.

Kurt felt like he was going to vomit. "I need to go." Kurt said, tears in his eyes, but he stopped himself from crying. He could not let his family see him cry.

Carole looked at her stepson, "I guess you-" Kurt left the table before she could finish her sentence. Carole watched Kurt run all the way down stairs to his private bathroom. She then looked to both Finn and Burt. Both shrugged, as if they did not understand Kurt's behavior. Suddenly, gagging coughs were heard from the basement. Kurt forgot to close the door to the basement and his bathroom and they could hear him throwing up.

"Great, now I'm going to lose my appetite." Burt complained. He shook his head and muttered, "That stupid kid," under his breath.

Kurt threw up for a long time until his stomach could not produce anything else besides acid and saliva to vomit. He got a look at himself in the mirror. As he wiped his mouth with toilet paper, he noticed his lips were trembling and he was actually paler than normal. Kurt coughed a few times before flushing the toilet full of vomit away.

Kurt held his head and began to pace around the bathroom. He was freaking out and crying. A million and one thoughts were racing in his head and he could feel it pound. He had no idea what Finn's intentions were and it was scaring him. After all it was Kurt's very first kiss. "What does this kiss mean?" He shouted feeling completely overwhelmed.

"Is that why you're puking?" Kurt heard a voice and left the bathroom to his basement bedroom. Finn was at the end of the steps, arms folded. "God, could you get any gayer?" He snickered.

"Should you really be using that terminology?" Kurt retorted weakly.

"Hey!" Finn shouted, before looking around and lowering his voice. "I don't know if I'm gay, okay?"

Kurt folded his arms confused. "Then why did you kiss me?"

Finn shrugged, "I don't know. I think I like you. You're kind of cute and you know how to take a hit." Finn chuckled.

Kurt sarcastically laughed. "Well I'm not interested, so if you plan on kissing me again, I suggest you leave." He said not amused.

"Oh, I wasn't going to kiss you. Not after you threw up everywhere." Finn laughed.

"Then leave." Kurt just wanted to go to bed and forget about this awful day.

"I will, but I've got to tell you something." Finn said following Kurt as he got into bed.

"What?" Kurt asked annoyed, putting the covers over his head.

"Stop, acting like you did not like the kiss." Finn told him. "I know you've liked me since like the first grade or something, don't deny it." Finn smirked, "I see the way you look at me."

Kurt sighed and removed the covers over his head. "Fine, I like you Finn. I always have. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Yes, actually." Finn laughed, his already big ego inflating.

Kurt saw that it might have been a bad idea to admit his love for Finn. He was enjoying it way too much. It was making Kurt uncomfortable. "Well, what now?" Kurt asked, unsure of why Finn wanted him to admit that he loved him.

"I have a preposition for you." Finn chuckled sinisterly as he sat on the edge of Kurt's white, grey, and black bed. "Let's experiment. You and I try this gay stuff out for a while in secret. Only you and I know about this okay? Not Burt, not the school, just us." Finn paused to make sure Kurt understood. He nodded. "We'll see if I really am gay and then we move on from there. So it's like I'm asking you to do a favor for me. Can you do that? I'll owe you one."

Kurt stared at Finn for a long time and it appeared that for once in his life, Finn was the one who was vulnerable, nervous, and scared. Kurt was in shock. Finn Hudson, the boy he had a crush on for forever was asking his out…sort of. Kurt paused to think for a bit. As he thought he realized that under these terms, this would probably be the only way he would be able to be close to Finn, one of the most popular boys in William McKinley High School. However, a part of him was screaming inside, telling him no because Finn was nothing but an evil bully who laughed as others tossed him in dumpsters.

Kurt wanted to say no, and Finn could see that Kurt was thinking that. Suddenly, Finn's facial expressions changed. He went from being vulnerable to angry and he clenched his knuckles until they turned to white. Kurt noticed this and became afraid; terrified that Finn was going to hit him. At that point, any thought of saying no went away from his mind. Kurt forced a smiled on his face, faking happiness. "When do we start?"

Finn saw that he still had power over Kurt and he liked this feeling a lot. It caused him to grin widely. "Tomorrow."


	7. Chapter 7

Ch. 7

Kurt laid in his bed wide awake. His mind was filled with thoughts, mainly about Finn, which were preventing him from sleeping. On top of that, he could hear the roars of his father yelling. Kurt was not sure who or what Burt was screaming at, but he could hear it all the way in his basement bedroom. Kurt turned to his alarm clock to see it was one in the morning. He sighed and put his pillow over his head, muffling the sound of Burt's screaming, but not the sounds of his own words screaming inside of his head.

In all honesty, Kurt was worried. How was he going to pull off being Finn's boyfriend in secret? Kurt just knew he was going to screw everything up somehow, and then Finn was going to hate him more than ever. On top of that, Blaine was sometimes creeping into Kurt's mind. Even if he was just a prank or something, because Kurt still continued to believe that, Blaine was the only person to show him real kindness in the school. It was weird because Kurt believed that he did not deserve kindness, or at least, that is what his father always made him believe. Kurt decided to shun away any thoughts about the boy with kind, amber green eyes and focused on Finn. After all, Kurt was technically with Finn, in a sense, and thinking about other boys would be wrong in Kurt's mind.

Kurt continued to wonder about Finn and his behavior as hours passed on his clock. Would Finn still continue to make fun of him and help others toss him inside dumpsters? Kurt knew the answer was yes, because Finn wanted to keep their experiment a secret, but deep down he wished Finn would at least take it a little easy on him now that they were together. Kurt rolled over to his side and looked at his clock. He sighed seeing that it was around six o'clock in the morning. He got up from his bed, and got dressed, preparing himself for another miserable day.

Kurt always had this problem. He worried too much about everything, causing him to rarely sleep. If he was not worrying about something, he would be kept awake by his father's constant shouting. He was always yelling about something at night time. Kurt sighed deciding to wear a white sweater, some black jeans with a matching belt, and shoes he hoped the bullies would not care about, or at least, not want to steal. He packed up his satchel and walked up to the kitchen to have an apple for breakfast. As he ate he looked out of the window to see that it was no longer raining outside, but the ground was still wet and the sky was cloudy. "Please don't rain again." Kurt muttered, hoping that whatever controlled the weather was listening to him.

When Kurt finished his sour apple, he noticed that Finn did not appear at all in the kitchen when he was eating. Normally, the two would see each other before they left to go to school but Kurt did not see Finn once that morning. "I guess he went to the weight room again." Kurt told himself before adjusting his satchel and leaving to go to school.

Kurt took the long way to go to school again so that he could continue to think about Finn. He really did not know if Finn cared about him or not and was wondering if he was just going to be Finn's personal practice doll or something. Kurt sighed, questioning why he agreed to the experiment, but then he remembered why. He had seen Finn bully others before ever since they were children. Before Finn found out Kurt was gay their sophomore year of high school and he became the bullies main target. Finn could get really mean at times. Not only had Kurt seen him beat up other people, but there was a hole in Finn's bedroom wall where he punched straight through it. Kurt was afraid that he would use that kind of force on him. Kurt shook his head as he entered the parking lot of William McKinley High School, believing it was best not to think about things like that, especially when he knew what was coming for him in a few minutes.

Kurt locked his SUV and started walking towards the double doors. Sure enough, the likes of Karofsky, Puck, and other football players appeared out of hiding spots and blocked his path. "Good morning Kurt. Nice day to go dumpster diving, huh?" Karofsky laughed.

Kurt sighed and took off his satchel and looked to the ground, knowing what was going to happen next. The bullies picked him up and Kurt allowed it, fearing the worst if he did not. Once Kurt was thrown into the full dumpster and lying on a bunch of black trash bags, he turned to look at the bullies who were laughing and rejoicing as if they had never done this before. As he stared he noticed something very strange. Finn was not with the group. He was not even outside the whole time Kurt was being tossed. Kurt was surprised and put his head back against a trash bag. "Maybe he does care." He said to himself.

"Hey!" A voice shouted and Kurt looked at the bullies again. They all ran away inside the school to his surprise. Kurt lifted himself up on the trash to get a better view to see Blaine was the only person outside in the lot. This confused Kurt greatly.

Blaine sighed before walking to the rusty dumpster, picking up Kurt's satchel along the way. "Need some help?" He asked.

"Oh, no." Kurt stated, still questioning inside his head why the bullies ran away from Blaine. "I've got this." From there Kurt slid down the overstuffed trash heap and his long legs landed on the ground.

Kurt dusted himself off, happy to see nothing stained his outfit. Blaine handed him his satchel back. "I think this is yours." Kurt did not say anything. He just took his satchel and began walking away, but Blaine followed him. "Are you having a bullying problem? Because I can possibly help you out, you know."

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?" Kurt reminded, hoping Blaine would take a hint. Kurt pushed through the double doors and entered the school, hoping Blaine would go somewhere else, but he did not.

"You did, but if you let me explain-"

Kurt stopped Blaine from talking once he got to his locker. "Look, whatever plan you had with Karofsky is over okay? I know you're just being nice to mess with me, so just go do whatever it is you do and leave me alone." Kurt emphasized the last three words before turning around and opening his locker. Blaine was puzzled by Kurt's words. Once the door was open, a piece of paper fell out and landed on Kurt's shoe.

Kurt picked it up, looked at the note, and read out loud softly, "Skip Geometry and meet me by the janitor's closet. You owe me." Kurt saw that the letter was signed F and he smiled slightly, knowing that it had to be Finn. "He does care." He whispered.

"Who cares?" Blaine asked, he was the only one close enough to hear him, but Kurt ignored him. Kurt shut his locker and walked away as he put the letter away in his back jean's pocket, curious about what was going to happen second period.


	8. Chapter 8

**Trigger Warning: This chapter contains rape, be cautious while reading this if this triggers you or skip this chapter. **

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Ch. 8

Kurt did as he was instructed to do according to the note he found in his locker. The second period warning bell rang, telling students that there was only one minute left for them to get to class. Instead of going to Geometry however, Kurt walked over to the janitor's closet at the far left wing of the school, the complete opposite direction of where his class was. He guessed that Finn would have planned it this way on purpose because he wanted to keep their interest in each other a secret.

Kurt heard the bell ring telling students that classes had started once he got to the slightly open janitor's closet. He looked around to see that no one was in the hallway he was standing in. Not a student, teacher, or Finn. This worried Kurt. Maybe Finn forgot and went to Geometry instead. Or worse, Finn got caught by a teacher out in the halls. Kurt looked up and down the hallway, scared that a teacher might see him. "Finn?" Kurt questioned softly, before sighing and gently placing his back against the wall next to the slightly open door. He was still having some back pain from the day he hit the bottom of the dumpster hard.

Just as Kurt let out a breath, he felt a hand grab his sweater. Before Kurt could even blink, he was being dragged inside the janitor's closet and pushed up against the door on the inside. Kurt was then face to face with Finn, who also appeared worried. However, seeing Finn in the dim glow of the janitor's closet calmed Kurt down. "It was you who sent the note." Kurt said, in a slight daze. Thinking of all the romantic things Finn could have possibly planned for them.

Finn locked the door before looking at Kurt. "Of course, and like I said, you owe me."

"For what?" Kurt completely disregarded that part of the note. He was just fixated on the fact Finn did not show up at the dumpster tossing that morning. That is when Kurt realized what he meant. "Oh."

"Yeah, I had to say I had to poop really badly and now I can't use that excuse ever again." Finn said as if he was really annoyed. "It took me forever to think of that."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Kurt said softly. "If only I knew how to avoid the parking lot and park somewhere else, I would avoid the bullies all together."

Finn then got an idea in his head. "Maybe I could tell you where another parking spot is and we can both avoid having to deal with my team."

Kurt looked up at Finn surprised. "You care about me that much to tell me how to avoid my dumpster tossing?"

"Of course." Finn smiled, "Besides, I don't want to make out with someone who smells like garbage all the time." Finn chuckled.

"Okay, just write me some directions and-"

"Shhh…" Finn placed a finger on Kurt's lips and shushed him before chuckling, "all in good time." Kurt felt his heart racing. He could not believe Finn, of all people, had taken an interest in him. "Now, you owe me twice."

"How do I repay you then?" Kurt asked confused and Finn merely smirked before placing his lips on top of Kurt's.

Kurt was so innocent, thinking that Finn was actually being romantic. In his mind, they were like something out of a movie, secret lovers against the world. Kurt was for once in his life happy and he held onto Finn as they continued to kiss.

Once Kurt wrapped his arms around Finn's back, Finn added more force into his kiss and pushed his tongue inside Kurt's mouth. This startled Kurt greatly, and his eyes went wide. He had never been kissed like that before. It was so shocking to him that Kurt did not even notice the sloppiness or roughness of Finn's swirling tongue. Kurt made a little noise of pleasure because he was happy to be with someone who he wanted to care for him. It was as if his fantasies were coming true and he held on to Finn tighter.

Finn then made his hands creep under Kurt's white sweater, feeling Kurt's soft skin underneath. Kurt jolted backwards, not expecting that. He broke away from the kiss, causing Finn's hands to get off of Kurt's stomach. Kurt was about to say something, when Finn whispered breathily "Take off your pants."

"What?" Kurt's eyes went wide.

"On second thought, let me do that for you." Finn then reached for Kurt's belt and took it off rather quickly.

Kurt was now getting scared and his heart was racing out of panic. "W-What are you doing?" He stuttered.

Finn ignored Kurt and unzipped and unbuttoned Kurt's black jeans. From there he tugged Kurt's jeans and underwear down with one pull. Kurt was now exposed and he was terrified. He quickly pulled his sweater down to hide his exposed flesh. "Finn what are you doing?"

"What does it look like dumbass?" Finn said as if Kurt was stupid. "We're going to have sex."

"Sex?" Kurt was now in full blown panic mode. Kurt just discovered last year that he was gay. He did not know the first thing about what guys did together when they loved each other, he was so innocent. "But I don't know-"

"Gay guys just do it in the ass, right?" Finn questioned, as he began to take off his blue jeans.

Kurt's eyes widen once Finn's lower half was exposed. Kurt averted his eyes, "F-Finn, I-I don't think I'm ready for this." Kurt stuttered feeling as if his heart was going to explode.

Finn appeared upset after Kurt spoke. "What was that? You don't want to have sex with me? I thought you cared about me? I thought you liked me?" Finn then punched a wall of the room leaving a small dent.

Kurt was scared. "I-I do Finn, I just think we're going way to fast."

"Oh so you don't care about my needs, huh?" Finn asked Kurt and then it appeared as though Finn was going to punch Kurt. Kurt flinched and closed his eyes expecting to feel Finn's fist, but instead he felt the door violently shake. Kurt opened his eyes to see Finn had punched the door only a few centimeters away from his face. Kurt started hyperventilating slightly and crouched down. "Get up, and stop that! Do you want a teacher to find us?" Finn was yelling and Kurt quickly stood straight up, trying to control his breath and tears falling down his cheeks. "Stop that crying!" Finn demanded and Kurt wiped his eyes, so scared that Finn was going to beat him up.

Finn sighed, "So you do care about me, right?" Kurt nodded. "Then we are going to do this alright?"

"Okay…" Kurt said sadly, not really wanting to have sex, but he was terrified of what Finn could do to him. The power Finn had over Kurt was tremendous.

"Good." Finn smiled, calming his anger down. Kurt was shaking, he was so scared. He had no idea of what to expect as Finn got closer and closer to him. Finn smirked as he got behind Kurt, lifting up his sweater. "Oh baby, you're shaking." Finn whispered in Kurt's ear and then began to kiss Kurt's neck softly. Kurt closed his eyes and slowly began to relax a little. He had to admit that the kisses were soothing. "That's right, babe. I'm going to make you feel alright, now." Finn whispered once again.

Kurt had stopped shaking. Finn was actually making him feel better. Kurt sighed, "Okay." He told Finn, truly agreeing to lose his virginity to him. Kurt thought it could not be that bad. Besides, he had only overheard good things about sex from classmates who had done the deed. Maybe this would be an alright experience.

Kurt felt Finn's hands on his thighs, stroking them, spreading them, making him feel good. Kurt let out a shaky breath and Finn smiled. "Now, just relax Kurt." The next thing Kurt felt however was not so pleasant. It was rough, and painful. Kurt closed his eyes tightly as Finn inserted himself inside him without any precautions. "Oh yeah." Finn breathed and began to make in and out motions.

Kurt began to whimper, not enjoying himself at all. Everything he had heard was a lie. This was not pleasurable to him and Kurt felt tears streaming again. "Finn," he grunted, "stop please. I don't like this." Kurt complained, trying to escape, but Finn only gripped his waist tighter, digging his nails through his sweater and clawing at Kurt's flesh. "Stop!" Kurt whined, but Finn just pushed against him harder. "Finn!" Kurt said a little louder so that Finn could no longer ignore him. "Please stop, I don't like this!"

Finn got annoyed, "Did I say you could speak?"

"What? I-" Finn was getting angry again at Kurt talking, so he rammed him hard and Kurt screamed loudly in pain.

"I said shut up!" Finn repeated his action and Kurt tried not to scream, but could not. Finn then pushed Kurt all the way to the metal shelf inside the janitor's closet. Not only did the metal shelf hit Kurt across the forehead, the force made Finn go all the way inside Kurt and Kurt began to cry silently from the pain he was feeling all over. "Better." Finn smirked evilly, giving Kurt the soft kisses from before along the back of his neck; however Kurt could not find any pleasure from that what so ever. Kurt continued to cry silent tears until Finn was done with him.

Once Finn had calmed down, he put his pants back on and left Kurt lying on the floor sobbing. "You can thank me later." Finn chuckled before opening the door. Kurt just laid there on the ground, feeling the worst he had ever felt in his life.


	9. Chapter 9

**Warning: This chapter contains drug use. If you are uncomfortable with that, skip this chapter.**

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Ch. 9

The bell rang signaling that second period was over and Blaine just so happened to have class in the far left wing of the school during that time. He left the class room and was walking the path towards his locker when he walked past the janitor's closet. He paused when he walked by it because he swore he heard somebody crying. Blaine looked all around. All of the students around him appeared to be normal, bored students, interested in anything else other than school. Blaine was really confused, and then he noticed the janitor's closet. Cautiously, Blaine put an ear to the door and his eyes widen. The cries were coming from inside that tiny space.

Quickly, Blaine looked for a teacher, or someone who should have cared. He called out a couple of names, but everyone he asked to help him seemed to be preoccupied with other things or generally were not interested in what he had to say. Blaine got frustrated and decided to take matters into his own hands. He walked back over to the janitor's closet and knocked on the door. The crying suddenly stopped. Blaine knocked again. "Hello, is someone in there?" Blaine put a hand on the door handle and to his surprise, the door was unlocked. "I'm coming in." Blaine spoke over the rushing students in the hallway before opening the door.

Blaine walked in and gasped at what he saw. Kurt was lying on the floor of the tiny, dimly lit closet. His pants were around his ankles, his sweater was lifted up, exposing his bruised back, and there was a bruising lump forming on his forehead. Kurt's eyes were red and puffy, as if he had been sobbing for a long time. "Oh my God!" Blaine got down on his knees, wanting to do something, but he was unsure of what exactly to do.

Kurt looked over to see Blaine trying to help him. "Oh great." He sarcastically remarked, "Just to make things worse, you show up." Kurt rolled on to sit on his bottom and he hissed in pain. That area was hurting him the most.

Blaine got a full frontal view of Kurt and quickly averted his eyes. Kurt pulled up his underwear and jeans and buttoned and zipped his jeans steady. As Kurt went searching for his belt, Blaine looked back at him as Kurt sniffled and wiped his eyes "Dear God, what happened to you?" Blaine questioned, lips trembling. He had never seen anything like this before. Blaine was really concerned about Kurt and his well-being. "Who did this to you?"

"Can't you just leave me alone?" Kurt shouted at Blaine angrily. "All you ever do is follow me around. You take your job way to seriously!"

"Kurt, we've need to get you to a hospital." Blaine told him, unsure of what Kurt was talking about.

Kurt stopped his frantic search for his belt and turned around to face Blaine. "How did you know my name?" He asked, not remembering telling Blaine what his name was.

"Oh, well I asked around, but that's not important right now Kurt!" Blaine yelled trying to have Kurt understand the seriousness of the situation. "You're hurt and you need help right away!"

"Why are you yelling at me?" Kurt questioned, having enough of people yelling at him for one morning.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to shout. I just want you to understand how serious this is." Blaine spoke softer, but Kurt was not having it.

Kurt found his belt under the metal shelf and put it back around his waist. "I'm fine." He grumbled, walking past Blaine.

"No Kurt," Blaine stated, "you're not fine."

"How would you know?" Kurt turned around screaming directly in Blaine's face. "If I say I'm fine, then I am fine!"

"Kurt…" Blaine breathed sadly, wanting to say more, but Kurt was too mad at himself, Finn, and the world to listen.

"No, you listen to me Blaine. Stop following me! Just go away and disappear from my sight!" Kurt shouted before walking out of the janitor's closet and slamming the door shut.

Blaine sighed and sat down in the janitor's closet, feeling helpless. Usually nothing could dampen his bright, cheery mood, but finding Kurt on the ground in pain like that made him really upset. "I was just trying to help." He spoke softly to himself.

Kurt wiped his eyes as he quickly walked into the bathroom, but the tears would just not stop flowing. He hid away in the stall of the boy's bathroom, crying his eyes out. Kurt was in so much pain and he could not get his heartbeat to relax. He took off his pants and underwear and wiped himself. Just as he thought, he was bleeding. This only made Kurt cry harder than ever before. He did not know how to feel about what had just happened, he was so overwhelmed. Kurt sat down on the toilet as little blood droplets fell into it slowly. Kurt cried wanting to disappear from the world, but unsure of how to do it.

Just as the third period bell rang, telling students it was time for class again, a couple of boys entered the bathroom. They were all giggling and snickering. Kurt got mad as he heard students laughing. How dare they be happy while he was miserable? Kurt stopped his crying, pulled his underwear and pants back up, and zipped and buttoned them secure before opening the stall door slightly to see why those students were so happy.

Kurt stared at them as they passed around a little, clear, and plastic bag. Kurt recognized the red head in a purple beenie hat to be known as "Stoner" Brett. Kurt watched curiously as they all rolled up the shredded green substance they passed around and licked it tightly. Kurt knew exactly what they were doing, but he never actually saw people smoke marijuana before. He continued to eavesdrop on the group of boys as they went from being rowdy to calm in a matter of minutes. Kurt's eyes widen. He was currently a nervous wreck and he saw those teens go from laughing idiots to completely tranquil people. Kurt thought for a bit. If he were to smoke some of what they had, he would be able to calm down and maybe forget about the incident with Finn.

Kurt then opened the stall door and the boys all looked at him. "Um…Hi?" Kurt coughed as he approached the group through all the smoke.

"Who are you?" Brett questioned, eyes glazed over.

"I'm Kurt. Um…Can I have some of that?" He asked them, hoping they would say yes.

Brett looked Kurt up and down, "You gonna nark on us?" He questioned.

"Oh, no, I'm not?" Kurt questioned, not really sure what "narking" meant.

Brett smiled, decided that Kurt was cool enough to smoke with them. "Here you go." He said passing his lit joint to Kurt. Kurt accepted the drug cautiously, not sure if it was the best idea to smoke a joint, but he just wanted to feel better, and at this point of his life, he would do anything to achieve that goal.


	10. Chapter 10

**I wasn't planning to update today, but I got ridiculously sick and put to bed rest, and as usual had nothing else better to do but to write. Hope you are all liking the story so far, and sorry if there are any errors, cuz I'm sick. Warning: This chapter mentions drugs and it's effects. If you are uncomfortable with this, skip this chapter.**

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Ch. 10

Kurt felt a little better for a couple of class periods. He could feel his muscles relax and his mind slowly slip away into nothingness. He was not thinking about anything for a while until it became time for lunch. The smell of food from all over was making him hungry. On top of that, the marijuana he had smoked earlier was staring to give him crazy side effects, like hunger pains. Kurt got in the lunch line and ordered a surprisingly large amount of food. When he sat down at his usual lonely table, he ate all of his food in a blink of an eye, causing lots of stares from other students. When Kurt finished his food, he noticed a lot of students staring at him. This gave him another side effect, paranoia.

Why was everyone staring at him? Did they know he smoked a joint in the boy's bathroom? Did he smell like a pot-head? Or worse, did they know about what happened to him in the janitor's closet? Kurt's eyes shifted around, noticing the cheerleaders who were sitting with the football players. They were whispering, pointing, and laughing at what Kurt thought to be him, making him very uncomfortable. Kurt squirmed around in his seat, wanting to hide under the table, when he heard more laughter. Was it directed towards him? Kurt looked all around the room, getting really paranoid; thinking that everybody was talking about how he smoked a joint, how he lost his virginity in a closet, and the plan he thought Karofsky had to further torment him featuring Blaine.

One thought was leading to the next. Kurt's heartbeat raced faster than he ever felt before. He did not like this feeling at all. The marijuana may have made him forget about everything for a couple of hours, but at that point it was making Kurt feel much worse than before. His chest was in pain it was beating so hard and fast. Kurt started sweating nervously, as he continued to hear whispers all around. He covered his ears, but it was not helping. Kurt still thought everyone was talking about him and then he saw Finn walk over the athlete's and cheerleader's table, but not before walking past him and giving him a wink. When Finn sat down, an average sized blond girl started talking to him. Both of them looked at Kurt for a brief second and that was when Kurt noticed a sly smile creep onto Finn's face.

Kurt had had enough. He felt like screaming he was so scared to be in the cafeteria. Kurt bolted out of his seat with his hands over his ears and ran away to escape in the boy's bathroom again.

Once inside, Kurt threw his satchel down and sat in the corner of the white bathroom. Kurt shifted his eyes all over the place, hoping that nobody was around to see him freak out like this. He had his hands over his ears and was rocking slightly back and forth. Kurt just wanted to be alone in silence. He wanted to disappear, and never see the likes of Finn or his father ever again. Kurt closed his eyes tightly, producing tears. He just wanted everything to be better. He just wanted to feel better.

Suddenly, in the middle of Kurt's panic attack, the door of the bathroom swung open. Kurt tried to stop his crying, but could not in time. He uncovered his ears and looked up to see "Stoner" Brett in the open area. His eyes were red from the marijuana he had smoked earlier with Kurt. Kurt was panicking and shaking. Brett stared at him for a few minutes with his glazed over eyes, until he finally recognized who Kurt was. "Oh, right. I forgot to tell you that that might happen." Brett chuckled as he watched Kurt continue to sob. "First timers."

Kurt did not like that terminology. Granted, Kurt did try a lot of firsts that day; he just did not want to be reminded of it. Each experience ended with him feeling awful and disappointed with himself. "Shut up." He muttered, but Brett continued to snicker. Kurt felt like he deserved to be laughed at though. He thought everything was his fault. The situation with Finn and the panic attack from the drugs. Kurt could just hear his father screaming in his head, telling him how stupid he was for allowing all these things to happen to him and that he should toughen up because he was embarrassing himself. Kurt could not take any more of Brett's laughter. It was only making him feel worse about himself. Kurt gathered his things and left the bathroom, feeling ashamed. Just as he left, the bell rang, signaling lunch was over. Kurt wiped his eyes and put on a brave face for the rest of his classes, just wanting the day to be over.

When Kurt's last period ended and the final bell rang, he felt slightly happy, until he remembered Finn did not have practice that day. Kurt began to worry, thinking about all the possible nasty things Finn could have planned for him. Kurt sighed as he got to his locker, not looking forward on going home, but he knew he had to get there soon, otherwise Finn would get upset, as would his father, and Kurt could only imagine what would happen if they teamed up against him.

Kurt slowly put in his combination when he heard a familiar voice speak to him. "Okay, Kurt. You can tell me as much as you'd like that you don't want me around, but I'm not taking no for an answer." It was Blaine who was talking beside him, and he had a determined look on his face.

"Whatever." Kurt said, not really caring at that point because of all the things that had happened to him and were most likely going to happen to him when he got home. "Do whatever Karofsky wants you to do to me. I might as well get it over with if you're going to be so persistent." He spoke in a monotone as he gathered his things. Once he did, Kurt noticed another piece of paper at the bottom of his locker. He picked it up and sighed. It was the directions Finn had promised to give him. At least he kept his promises.

"What?" Blaine questioned, still not knowing what Kurt was talking about.

"Uh, nothing." Kurt said shaking his head and putting the note away in his satchel.

"Do you really think I'm going to hurt you?" Blaine questioned softly, concerned as to why Kurt would think that.

Kurt shrugged, "I don't know," He muttered, "Everyone else does."

"Well I'm not everyone then," Blaine proudly stated, "because I actually want to be your friend believe it or not." He said with a smile.

Kurt let out a laugh before walking away from his locker, "Yeah right."

Blaine paused for a moment before following him. "Why are you laughing?"

"Cause you're not going to want to be my friend sooner or later." Kurt explained as he got to the double doors. Kurt sighed, because when he went outside it started to rain and Kurt hated the rain. He ran over to his SUV as quickly as possible and Blaine ran out after him.

"Why not?" He called out halfway there.

"You'll find out eventually." Kurt told him before entering his car and driving away, leaving Blaine all alone in the rain.


	11. Chapter 11

**Trigger Warning: This chapter contains physical abuse. If this makes you uncomfortable or triggers you, skip this chapter.**

**Yeah, I'm still sick so if I have made a mistake somewhere, I'm really sorry.  
**

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Ch. 11

Kurt drove back to his house that rainy afternoon, switching between fast and slow speeds. Part of him wanted to get home quickly to just get whatever torture he was going to endure out of the way. The other part of him did not want to go home at all. Kurt thought about New York and how magical it would be there, away from all of the people who made him feel worthless every day. Granted, he had only read about New York before in a pamphlet, but he knew that it would be a better place than Lima. If he was in New York, he could do whatever he wanted on his own. He would be free with a bunch of other people who would accept him for who he was. Kurt just wanted to be free.

As Kurt daydreamed about New York inside his SUV, he missed a stop sign and nearly crashed into somebody else's moving car. Kurt jolted when he heard the screeching tires from the other car, and was put back into reality. Kurt sighed, a part of him wishing that the other car did indeed hit him. It would have given him a valid excuse to miss out on all the pain that he knew was coming for him. However, Kurt was not hit by the other car or even bumped by it, so he merely sighed and continued to drive to his house without any problems.

Once, Kurt was inside his house, he was slammed against the door hard, and he screamed because of his bruised back. However, Kurt's cry was caught off by a pair of lips pressing against his open mouth and a tongue sliding inside. Kurt coughed when the lips removed their pressure on him. From there, Kurt finally got a good look at who was kissing him. He looked up into those dark, intense eyes and began to shake.

It was Finn and he began to kiss Kurt all over his neck and face.

"What are you doing?" Kurt gasped, wondering why Finn was kissing him out in the foyer, where their parents could catch them.

"Don't worry." Finn whispered, stroking the right side of Kurt's face. "Carole's out getting groceries, and Burt's got a last minute walk-in at the shop and you know how he never denies money being thrown at his face." Finn chuckled before kissing Kurt's mouth once again.

"Uh, Finn?" Kurt gasped for air once Finn released his mouth and his hands were reaching for Kurt's stomach again.

"You're so soft." Finn smiled, wanting to move his hands all over Kurt, but Kurt denied him of that pleasure and pushed his hands away.

"Um, Finn?" He repeated, "I don't want to have sex again."

"But why not?" And then Finn did Kurt's weakness, that dopey face he made when he did not understand something. "Didn't you like it? Cause I sure did." He stated seductively, mouth moving to Kurt's neck and nipping at the flesh. Kurt moaned surprisingly. He then became the confused one. How could someone who caused him so much misery give him so much pleasure? Finn snickered, "I knew you liked it." He said as he began sucking on Kurt's neck. Kurt closed his eyes, getting lost in his feelings, until he heard Finn whisper, "Let's do it again."

Kurt's eye's opened wide. "It?" He repeated dumbly.

"You know," Finn creepily smiled at Kurt, "sex." He practically begged.

"Uh…" Kurt froze, unsure of what to do. He did not feel like having the experience he had before twice in one day. "Can't we just do something a little less, painful?"

"Painful?" Finn was puzzled.

Kurt nodded in surprise that Finn was actually hearing him out. "Yeah, I didn't like what we did." He spoke softly, unsure how Finn would react to what he had to say.

Finn thought for a bit, until an idea popped into his head. "Well I guess I'll just have to perfect my technique." Finn chuckled and grabbed Kurt by the hand and began dragging him up the stairs. "Come on, we still have some time."

"No!" Kurt protested. "I said I didn't like it! Don't you understand?" His eyes went wide when he saw Finn turn around, eyes cold and his smile turned into a scowl.

"So you don't care, just like I thought!" Finn was getting angry and he ran a hand through his hair, keeping the other cuffed around Kurt's hand.

"What?" Kurt was confused.

"God, after all I've done for you today! I didn't throw you into the dumpster and-and I gave you that new route to get to school and everything!" Finn was getting filled with rage. "How dare you?" He gripped Kurt's hand tighter.

"Ow!" Kurt complained. "Finn that hurts!"

"You said you would do as I say!" Finn growled. "You said you liked me!" Finn was gripping Kurt harder, adding more force, putting Kurt to his knees at the step below where Finn stood.

"Finn stop!" Kurt shouted in fear. Finn did let go of Kurt eventually, but only to kick him down the beige carpeted stairs. Down he tumbled, hitting ever couple of steps, until crashing on top of the floor. Kurt began to cry in pain, feeling aches all over. He put his hands on his lower back when he landed, screaming in agony. He shut his eyes tight, producing tears.

When Kurt opened his eyes and saw Finn menacingly walking down the stairs. Kurt did not know what to do, he wanted to run away, but he was in so much anguish that he could not.

Finn got to the bottom of the steps, undoing his belt. Kurt slowly started backing up into a corner, but it obvious that that was not going to help him. Finn grabbed Kurt by the arm and started dragging him, pulling him down the hallway, and moving toward the other set of stairs. Once he got to the door of the downstairs set of steps, Finn opened it, and then pulled Kurt down a second set of stairs.

This time Kurt hit more steps against his front and back. Even his forehead got banged up again as he rolled down and crashed at the bottom step hitting his head, deeply bruising the mark that was already there, and making it bleed a little. Kurt opened his eyes, feeling woozy. He saw Finn coming down the stairs and decided that he should just give up and let Finn do whatever he wanted to do, not wanting to get hurt again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Warning: Read with caution. As some of you have noticed, chapters from now on are going to deal with serious subject matter from now on, hence why I rated it M. I'll keep putting warnings up, but for real, if you are triggered easily, don't read this chapter.**

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Ch. 12

Kurt laid in his bed motionless, eyes watery and open. He covered himself in as many sheets and blankets he could find on his bed. He felt particularly dirty that time around, unsure of what to do with himself. He hated what Finn did to him, but he always had to eventually give in, and that is what made Kurt feel the worst. He could not defend himself against the bullies, against his father, and definitely not Finn.

Finn on the other hand was smiling triumphantly as he walked around naked, picking up his clothes from the floor. Kurt did not look at him as he did so. Instead he kept his eyes on the ceiling as if there was something interesting up there, not blinking. Kurt was just trying to focus on something to ignore all of the aches and pains he felt all over, especially on his forehead. Kurt was pretty sure he was still bleeding there. He was also pretty sure he was leaving little blood droplets on his comforter by just lying there and not immediately taking care of his inner wounds.

Once Finn found his underwear and jeans, he put them on and plopped himself besides Kurt, smiling. "Hey," he whispered, "How do you feel?" Kurt thought that was a dumb question. He got angry, but did not express it in his face. He merely continued to look up at the ceiling depressed, and wanting Finn to just disappear.

Because Kurt did not show distain in his face, Finn took it as a sign to get closer to him. Finn laid beside Kurt on his side and began to nuzzle Kurt's neck, feeling playful, but Kurt was not in the mood. "Hey, you like me right?" Kurt wanted to kick himself because he knew his answer, even if he did not respond to Finn.

The answer was yes, Kurt still, for some reason that he could not fully understand why, felt love for Finn. Even with all the horrible things that Finn did to him, Kurt still cared about him. As Kurt thought about why, he realized that even if it was not much or all of the time, Finn did show care for him at times. Even if it was only a little, Kurt still wanted to hold on to the care he received, especially from one of his main tormenters. Finn did hold on to his promises and he also did hold back on him at school.

As Kurt thought about the only people who have ever cared for him, he thought of his mother and how kind she was, back when his father was actually nice. How she kissed his scrapes and cuts if he ever got hurt, how she would play and have tea parties with him, and how she would tuck him in at night and kiss and hug all the nightmares away. Kurt did not have that anymore and it made him want to cry.

However, when Kurt thought about the fact that people did not really care about him, another person popped into his mind. He could see his face clearly, his adorable smile, his slick down hair, those thick eyebrows that expressed his every emotion, and most importantly, those eyes that were a mix of amber and green. Blaine was the only person to ever show him any kind of concern or care for no real reason and that terrified him. The only other person who had ever done that was his mother. However, what terrified him the most was that Kurt knew that the kindness Blaine showed to him would not last long because he would soon know that he was gay, and leave him alone because he would either be afraid of him or hate him. Those were the only two kinds of reactions he got from the students of McKinley and he knew that Blaine would be no different because that is all he ever knew. However, it was nice to be cared for, even if he knew it would soon end.

Finn began to play with Kurt's hair, running his fingers through it and messing it up. "What are you thinking about?" Finn asked curiously, trying to get Kurt to talk.

Finally, Kurt moved slightly, his eyes grew large as he realized he was thinking about another boy when he was with Finn. Quickly, Kurt erased his thoughts about Blaine and turned his head towards Finn. He smiled softly, not wanting to give Finn any reason to worry, or hurt him again. "You." Kurt lied, thinking that it would be the best response for the time being.

Finn smiled and kissed Kurt's nose, "You're so sweet." Finn chuckled before beginning to kiss Kurt on the lips a few times.

Finn was about to start making out with Kurt when they heard Carole yell, looking for both boys because dinner was going to start soon. Finn sighed, "Damn." He got off of Kurt's bed and put on the rest of his clothes. He turned to see that Kurt was not getting dressed, or even moving from the bed. "You going to eat?" Finn questioned.

"Just tell Carole that I'm not hungry." Kurt forced a smile at Finn.

Finn shrugged, "Whatever." He said when he finished getting dressed and walked up stairs to eat.

When Kurt heard the door close, he quickly jumped out of the bed and ran to his shower. He turned the water on and stepped in. Finally, Kurt could fully cry without Finn seeing how he really felt. He cried long and hard as the hot water droplets hit his body. Kurt eventually sat down and curled up, holding his knees. He did not know what to do. He wanted to scrub himself, but he knew it would be pointless because he would still feel dirty. He would probably feel dirty for as long as he was with Finn, but he decided that it would have to be a compromise in order to have Finn be nicer to him. As Kurt sat in the shower, sobbing, and deep in thought, he began to think about Blaine again, almost wishing that he was dating him. That thought quickly left his head though, because he knew nobody else was openly gay in Lima. Even if Blaine was a closeted gay, he would probably never want to admit it because of how things worked there. As Kurt experienced first handed, anyone who was gay would be hated whether secretly, or for everyone to see like how Karofsky and Puck did to him.

Kurt cried harder, realizing that he could probably never be truly happy there in Lima, but he did not know of where else to go. Kurt thought about New York for a while, but that dream was slowly beginning to die. Kurt knew his father was right. His grades were not good enough for him to get a scholarship to NYADA, and there was no way his parents could afford to send Kurt to school like that, but as Kurt continued to think, would Burt even send him to a school like that in the first place? NYADA was a school of performing arts, something most people would consider to be super gay, especially for a male to attend. Kurt always loved musicals, and every once in a while, he would sing alone in his room if nobody was around to hear him.

Kurt sighed, realizing his dream was silly and pointless. He punched the white tiled wall of his shower and injured his hand. Kurt held it in pain and cried even more.

Kurt popped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself as he stood in front of the mirror. However, Kurt did not want to look at himself, feeling ashamed with what he did with Finn. As he looked down to his sink, he noticed his razor that he rarely used. As he stared at it, lots of thoughts began swirling into his head. After thinking it over for a few minutes, Kurt disassembled the razor and took out one of the razorblades. He thought about harming himself, _What's another couple of cuts?_ He thought, _after all I deserve them._ Kurt was tempted, but overall decided to keep the blade in his satchel, in case of an emergency where he really, truly felt worthless.


	13. Chapter 13

**Trigger Warning: This chapter contains self harm. DO NOT READ IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU!**

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Ch. 13

Kurt laid wide awake once again in bed that night. Not only did he have numerous amounts of thoughts in his head preventing him from sleeping, but he was also afraid that Finn would try to sneak downstairs to his room and try to have sex with him once again. Kurt knew that Finn's appetite was relentless. It was bad enough that they had done the deed twice that day, but Kurt remembered hearing stories in the hallways of his school ever since he was a freshman about Finn's need for sex. Finn supposedly had sex a lot when he was with girls, and it was no different with Kurt.

Kurt hated Finn deep down for what he had done to him and how it made him feel. Yet he still loved him because Finn would do little things for Kurt, like help him out with the bullies, not beat him up in front of others, and give him sweet kisses every once in a while. Kurt just wished that Finn would not get angry at him for trying to refuse, but at the same time Kurt believed he deserved the beatings. Who was he to deny Finn? He had needs, and something a person needed to do when they were in a relationship was to be there for their partner and help them out. After all Finn did keep his promises, it was just Kurt who had to keep his end of the bargain they made.

Kurt sighed in bed. The more he thought about Finn and the tortures of having sex with him, he began to think about the razorblade he had put in his satchel. It was strange, as if the object was talking to him inside his head, telling Kurt to go pick it up. Kurt got up from his grey, white, and black bed and walked over to his satchel against the wall closest to the stairs. He opened it, pulled out the tiny, grey razorblade, and held it in the palm of his hand.

Kurt stared at the object intensely, more thoughts swirling into his head. Kurt picked up the razorblade with his other hand. He thought about harming himself, believing that he was not a good partner for Finn, even if it was experimental. Then he began to think of his life. Not only was he not good enough for Finn, but he was also not good enough for his father, or for the school of his dreams.

Slowly, Kurt rolled down one of the sleeves of his black, knit shirt and dug the razorblade horizontally across the top of his forearm. Kurt hissed just for a moment, but for some reason, this pain felt good to him. It was pain he could control and, in his mind, had real meaning. Kurt watched the thick blood build up around his wound. He began to worry slightly and ran into his bathroom. Kurt took out some paper towels and pressed them into his skin to stop the bleeding. Kurt sighed, seeing that he was able to prevent a mess, and at the same time when he sighed, Kurt was happy. Once the bleeding stopped, Kurt laughed slightly, seeing that he controlled everything. He controlled the amount of pain he gave himself, he controlled the bleeding, and how badly it would mark his skin. Oddly enough, Kurt felt happy about what he did and that euphoria he felt remained until he noticed it was time to go to school.

Like every day since people found out Kurt was gay, he did not want to go to school. He was growing tired of the dumpster tossing. It was getting old and predictable. On top of that, Kurt knew he could not fight back, until he pulled something else out of his satchel.

It was the hand written directions Finn had given him yesterday. Kurt looked them over until he was able to put them into memory. He did not want to deal with the bullies that day at all, so when he drove to school, he went the way Finn wrote down. To Kurt's surprise, there indeed was another parking lot if he took this third possible way to get to school. Granted, it was just a patch of dirt, and Kurt did have to walk a while to get to this other side of the school, but when he walked in through those set of double doors without anybody tossing him into a dumpster, Kurt felt ecstatic and actually smiled when he walked inside.

People were staring at him strangely, but Kurt did not care. This was his first garbage free day in a really long time. Kurt was so happy about his newly found discoveries that he even began to hum a tune to himself as he opened his locker.

"Well there's something I thought I'd never see." Kurt turned around when he heard a voice. It was Blaine, smiling with his books in hand. "You look nice with a smile."

"You know what? I'm in such a good mood, I'm not going to let you ruin it." Kurt said, and continued getting situated for his first period class.

Blaine scoffed, "Unbelievable. When I try to help you, you refuse, and when I say hello, you push me away. Why do you do that?"

Kurt turned his head for a brief moment, "It's complicated." He explained, "But you will know soon enough."

"I'll never know if you don't tell me why you don't want me to be your friend." Blaine told him. "And I know it can't be me, cause I've only been nothing but nice to you. Maybe a bit pushy, but nice none the less." Blaine looked to the floor, realizing that he might have been the problem. "Oh crap, it is me isn't it?"

"No, no." Kurt told him, confused as to why he said that. "I mean," Kurt sighed, "no, it's not your fault." He explained to Blaine.

Blaine shrugged his shoulders, "So what's the problem?"

"I can't tell you." Kurt stated.

"What?" Blaine was confused.

"Just trust me, alright? You won't want to be my friend after you find out, and you'll find out soon enough." Kurt said, slamming his locker door and quickly walking away from Blaine. Blaine tried to catch up with Kurt, but eventually gave up. He was about to turn away when he notice Kurt drop a small piece of paper fall from Kurt's stack of things he was carrying.

Blaine adjusted his satchel and walked over to pick up the piece of paper. "Kurt!" He called out, but Kurt did not hear him and disappeared into a classroom. Blaine sighed before looking at the paper to see what Kurt had dropped. "Meet me at the weight room during lunch. F." Blaine smirked as he finished reading out loud. "Looks like Kurt's got a secret admirer."


	14. Chapter 14

**Trigger Warning: This chapter contains self-harm. Read with caution and skip this chapter if this triggers you!**

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Ch. 14

It was lunch time at William McKinley High School and Kurt did not feel hungry at all. Instead, he was feeling very nervous because Finn most likely wanted to have sex again, which is probably why he wanted to meet him at the weight room around that time. Kurt was terrified, but he was more scared about what would happen if he said no. Finn was a very powerful person. He could easily beat up Kurt and he had done so on the occasions when he refused to have sex with him before.

Kurt sighed as he tried to prepare himself in the bathroom, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He knew he was going to have to endure pain no matter what he did, whether if he agreed to Finn's demands or not. Kurt was getting ahead of himself, but he knew that was what Finn most likely had planned for him.

Kurt was the only one in the bathroom so he pushed up his sleeves, revealing bruises from his tumble down the stairs and one cut that Kurt could not help but stare at. It was his self-made cut he put into his skin with the razorblade he had. Kurt continued to stare at the thin, burgundy scab forming on top of his forearm. He knew he was going to get hurt no matter what, so what was another cut? At least this would be a cut he could control and make himself. With that mentality, Kurt searched inside his satchel and pulled out the tiny, grey object. He held it for a few moments with his fingers before ultimately deciding that giving himself another cut was the best thing to do. It would help prepare him for the injuries he was bound to receive later.

Kurt took the razorblade in his fingers and vertically gave himself a cut on top of the one he made last night. Kurt only yelled out a little bit when the razorblade cut over the scab that was forming on top of his forearm. Thick blood started forming on top of the wound he had freshly created, and Kurt felt relaxed slightly, as if he was able to go on throughout his day without any worries about Finn or anything. Quickly, Kurt put the razorblade away in his satchel and grabbed some paper towels, pressing them into his arm to stop the bleeding. Once the blood stopped oozing out, Kurt laughed a little and left the bathroom, feeling ready to face anything that was about to come his way.

Kurt walked down the halls of McKinley feeling ready for Finn. He walked into the boy's locker room, which was the only way to enter the weight room, and did not see anybody in there. He was about to sigh in relief until he heard shouts and grunts coming from inside the weight room. Kurt slowly began to panic slightly. He had not seen Finn all day and if he was working out Kurt knew his beating would be worse than before. However, Kurt had already prepared himself for the worse, so let out a deep breath and opened the door into the weight room.

Kurt was shocked when he entered, not expecting to find who he did in the weight room. Kurt stared at him in awe. He was only wearing a white beater tank top, navy sweatpants, and black mixed martial arts gloves. He was intensely punching the black punching bag hanging from the ceiling. He was so focused, ignoring the sweat dripping from his brow, traveling down his strong neck and landing on his broad shoulders. Kurt was mesmerized, especially by the toned muscles in his arms and chest and briefly wondered what it would be like to be held in his arms, and to rest his head on his chest.

"Kurt?"

Kurt snapped out of his staring and focused on the boy's handsome face. "Huh?"

The boy laughed, "It's okay, I knew you were going to be here." He chuckled as he took off his fighting gloves.

Kurt was now angry with the boy, "Are you stalking me or something?"

"Maybe." He boy joked, wiping a towel over his forehead, but Kurt did not find it amusing. "I will stop though, when you tell me why we can't be friends." Kurt was about to retaliate, but the boy held up a hand signaling him to stop talking. "Just tell me why and I'll leave you alone."

"Blaine…I-I just can't." Kurt told him, scared of what his reaction might be. Even though Kurt found him completely annoying, he had to admit it was nice to have someone care for him.

"Is it because you have a bully problem?" Blaine questioned softly, noticing the bruise on Kurt's forehead. "I remember I found you in the dumpster those two times and in the janitor's closet that one day." Blaine looked at Kurt's arms, his sleeves were still rolled up and he saw the bruises and the self-made cut Kurt gave himself in the shape of a cross. "Holy crap." Blaine breathed, "It's worse than I thought."

"I uh, fell down some stairs yesterday." Kurt told him, rolling down his sleeves. He was not completely lying to Blaine, but he did not believe him.

"Kurt if you don't tell me the truth, I won't be able to help you." Blaine told him seriously. "I don't know what you've heard about me, but I'm one of the good guys, alright. I want to help you."

"But why? Everyone hates me." Kurt tried to explain why he was pushing him away.

Blaine chuckled and went through his satchel on the ground. He pulled out a tiny piece of paper. "I find that hard to believe." He smiled, handing Kurt the note that told him to come to the weight room at that time. "You have a secret admirer."

"Not exactly…" Kurt mumbled.

"What?" Blaine questioned, not hearing what Kurt had said.

Kurt was about to tell Blaine something when the weight room door opened. It was Finn, and he looked confused. "Why are you in here prick?" He almost shouted, walking up to Kurt's side.

Blaine folded his arms, giving off a small laugh, "I'm just having a conversation with Kurt."

"Well you better end it and get the hell out of here." Finn told him threateningly, but it was not really working on Blaine. In fact he stepped closer to Finn with a smile on his face.

"Oh now you're acting all tough, which is strange considering how scared you looked when I had to teach your friend a lesson." He smirked, arms still folded.

Kurt was confused, but when he looked at Finn he noticed he did look slightly scared. Kurt shook the confusion out of his head. "Blaine, just get out of here, please?" Kurt practically begged.

Blaine looked at both of them disappointed. "Whatever." He said gathering his things and walking away. However, Blaine did not leave the boy's locker room. He stood by the door, looking through the window to keep an eye on Kurt.

Finn quickly grabbed Kurt and pushed him to the floor before Kurt could do anything. "Why was the new kid in here?" Finn shouted

"I don't know!" Kurt screamed in terror.

"Are you lying to me?" Finn continued to yell, making Kurt think of his father and how he usually behaved.

"No."

"Did you tell him anything about us?"

"Oh God no!" Kurt responded, scared for his life. "He doesn't know anything!"

"Good." Finn stated, calming down slightly. He helped Kurt up off the ground and held him in his arms. Kurt was surprised that Finn, of all people, was holding him comfortingly. He even kissed Kurt on the top of the head. Kurt's body relaxed and he actually felt okay with Finn's shove. It was as if he was apologizing for it. "Now, come here." Finn told Kurt gently, and began to kiss his lips softly. Kurt enjoyed Finn's lips on top of his and kissed him back. It was as if Finn was just looking out for him and Kurt was too naïve to think differently.

Behind the door, Blaine's eyes widen in shock. He turned around and quickly, back against the wall. He couldn't believe what he saw and he honestly felt disgusted, but not because it was two guys, but because Kurt was kissing his tormenter. Blaine left the locker room with his things and walked out of there not wanting to see anymore. Meanwhile, there was another person who happened to be in the locker room, and he was curious to see why Blaine left so quickly.


	15. Chapter 15

**Ridiculously long chapter! Haha hope you all enjoy. **

**Warnings: This chapter contains bad language, and a brief mentioning of self-harm. If this triggers you or offends you, skip this chapter. **

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Ch. 15

Finn and Kurt were kissing passionately in the weight room during lunch period for what felt hours in Kurt's mind, and he did not want it to stop. Finn was being tender and gentle with his kissing technique for once and Kurt loved every second of it. It was as if he was making up for all the times he had hurt Kurt before. Kurt stood on his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around Finn's neck, wanting to feel everything he could out of Finn's kiss.

Suddenly, the bell rang signaling that lunch period was over. Finn stopped kissing Kurt and Kurt got disappointed. He tried to kiss Finn on his own, but Finn did not want it. "Stop." He breathed, but Kurt did not care, he just wanted to feel happy with Finn. He wanted to keep kissing Finn, but Finn was not having it. "I said stop!" He shouted and pushed Kurt down to the ground. Kurt landed on the lower part of his back, and he hissed in pain for it was still bruised.

Kurt pushed himself up and got back to his feet. He was confused, "Finn, can't you just skip this next period and keep kissing me?" Kurt practically begged.

Finn wanted to do what Kurt suggested, but knew he could not. "I can't." He told Kurt. "I have gym next and the guys will be coming into the locker room at any minute."

"Well, maybe we can just go to a different room? I'll be fine with the janitor's closet again." Kurt kept giving more suggestions, but it was only making Finn angry.

"Dammit!" Finn shouted and kicked over a bench in the weight room. Kurt gasped out of fright. "Don't you get it Kurt? No means no!" Kurt could not help but think back to the first time they had sex in the janitor's closet and all the times he told Finn to stop, but he just kept on going. The only difference was that if Finn wanted to stop something, he could by force. Kurt however was too weak to stop Finn at anything, so it would not work the other way around.

Kurt felt sad and stormed out of the locker room. "So be it."

"Wait, Kurt!" Finn wanted Kurt to stop, but it was too late, he was already on his way to his next period class. "Dammit!" Finn shouted again and kicked the bench farther away from him.

Kurt felt miserable throughout the rest of the school day. He wanted nothing more but to go to the bathroom and cut himself again and again until he felt better, but instead he decided to wait until school was over because if he left the classroom for too long, the teacher would make him stay after school. Breaking the rules with Finn was one thing, but if he was caught alone, his father would be very upset with him, especially if he was not home by a certain time. That is what his household had been since Carole and Finn moved in. Finn was treated like a golden boy and Kurt was treated like the dirt Burt scrubbed off when he worked in his auto shop. It was most likely because Kurt did not behave like a typical male would, unlike Finn. Finn was the star quarterback of the football team, and before he started secretly experimenting with Kurt, he could and had dated almost every kind of girl the school had to offer. Meanwhile there was Kurt, who was into musicals, classic movies, and fashion. Things men in Lima, Ohio considered to be "girly," hence why Kurt was an outcast, even in his own family.

Once school was over, Kurt quickly ran over to his locker and gathered his things for later. He looked inside his satchel to see that his razorblade was still in there and he sighed in relief, knowing exactly what he was going to be doing once he finished getting his books situated.

However, when he closed his locker, Blaine was there, leaning his shoulder against the locker next to Kurt's. Kurt jumped when he saw him and he put a hand over his chest. "Jeez! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" He shouted.

Blaine shrugged, "Well I am stalking you." He chuckled.

"Not funny." Kurt muttered, glaring at Blaine, noticing he was back to wearing cardigans and dress shoes. "So what do you want?" Kurt asked annoyed.

"You know what I want." Blaine told him.

Kurt's eyes widen, he had an idea of what Blaine wanted to know, but he was still afraid to tell him anything out of fear that he would no longer be by his side. Even though he was super annoying in Kurt's mind, it was nice to have company, no matter how weird it felt to him. "I can't tell you." Kurt said trying to run away, but Blaine caught up to him.

He grabbed Kurt's arm and Kurt turned around afraid, getting flashbacks of when Finn grabbed him and pushed him down the stairs. Blaine noticed something was wrong and quickly let go of him. "I'm sorry." He told Kurt. "I just wanted to know why you won't be my friend." He said sadly.

Kurt shook the fear out of his mind, "Can't you just find somebody else to be friends with?"

Blaine sighed, "I can't. Everybody hates me too."

Kurt was confused. A boy who was as handsome and annoyingly polite as Blaine should have no problem making friends with the popular crowd at this school. "Why?" Kurt questioned.

Blaine looked at Kurt for a while until an idea popped into his head. "I'll tell you why if you tell me why everybody hates you." Blaine suggested, looking for a compromise.

Kurt was afraid, but he had to admit, he was curious as to why a boy like Blaine would look to him, of all people, to be his friend? After thinking it over for a while, Kurt nodded his head and very softly stated "Okay."

Blaine smiled, but it quickly faded when he thought of the reason why people did not like him at William McKinley High School. "Well, for starters, people think I'm annoying."

"Oh really?" Kurt stated and Blaine rolled his eyes before continuing.

"Also, they're afraid of me."

Kurt was confused. Blaine had been nothing but nice to him. "Why?"

Blaine sighed, "On my first day here, I saw some of the jocks pick on this freshman girl. Tiny little thing, and they stole her books. It really pissed me off, so I just walked up to the bullies and asked them politely to give the girl her books back. Instead they slammed the books to the ground and shoved me against a locker. They were about to beat me up for interfering, when I grabbed the punch that was aimed for my face. I hurt the jock's hand pretty badly, scaring off the rest of the bullies. I offered to take the guy to the nurse, but he just ran away from me, just like the rest of the on lookers. I even tried giving the books back to the young girl but she just ran away terrified. I guess nobody's ever stood up to the bullies before at this school, but now that I've shown my strength, everyone thinks I'm a bigger bully then the actual guys who are." Blaine looked down to the floor. "But I'm really not a bully. If people actually got to know me, they would know people like that make me the maddest, because I was picked on a lot at my old school."

Kurt was in shock. He even let out a small laugh, "You? Picked on? Oh that's rich." Kurt continued to laugh until Blaine looked back up to Kurt. Kurt saw that Blaine was wiping his eyes full of sadness. "Really? But you look the way you do. How is it that you're not popular?"

Blaine chuckled at the compliment before sniffling, stopping himself from crying. "Another time I'll tell you, that is, if we're friends." Kurt now felt sympathy for Blaine. He was just like him, sort of, at least as far as he knew. "So, why do people hate you?"

Kurt was still afraid to tell Blaine the truth, but considering Blaine told him his story, he felt obligated to tell Blaine why people hated him. He sighed, hoping that Blaine would not run away after telling him the truth. "I'm gay." He whispered.

"What?" Blaine questioned, not hearing what Kurt told him.

"I-I'm g-gay." Kurt stuttered a little louder.

Blaine smiled softly, "I know."

Kurt's eyes widen and his face turned a shade paler than what it normally was. "What?" He said, barely auditable.

Blaine was confused as to why Kurt appeared so scared. "I said I know. I saw you with that Finn guy today." Kurt suddenly felt like throwing up. "Whoa, Kurt, it's okay." Blaine stated placing his hand on Kurt's shoulder. "I don't care."

Kurt however did not hear the last part of Blaine's speech. "I'm sorry Blaine, but I've got to go." Kurt said quickly, and darted out of the school the opposite way he would normally go.

Once outside of the double doors Kurt pulled on his shirt collar, trying to get more air into his system. He was feeling very nervous and panicked. He heard Blaine say that he knew he was gay because he saw Finn with him. He failed Finn. He was supposed to keep their love a secret. "I've got to get home." Kurt told himself and was about to walk to his car when he looked up and saw that he was surrounded.

"Well hello Kurt." It was Karofsky with a bunch of other football players. They were all grinning and cracking their knuckles. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

Kurt looked around terrified, luckily Finn was not with them though, making Kurt feel a little less afraid. "I've got to get home." Kurt said, trying to walk past Karofsky, but he put a hand in front of Kurt, stopping him.

"I don't think so." Karofsky grinned evilly. The football players started closing in on Kurt. Kurt did not know what to do, still feeling like he was going to throw up. "You see, when you try to avoid us, you just make your punishment a lot worse than it would have been."

"Karofsky please-" Kurt begged but Karofsky would not listen to him.

"Get him!" At the sound of Karofsky's words, Kurt threw up on Karofsky's shoes. "Oh that's it!" Karofsky yelled and was the first one to hit Kurt right in the jaw. Kurt held his mouth in pain as Puck took the next turn and hit Kurt in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

From there, Karofsky shoved Kurt to the ground and the group started either kicking or punching him somewhere.

"Hey!" They all looked up to see Finn had arrived. "What the hell is this?"

"Ah Finn, wouldn't you like a turn?" Karofsky jokingly asked.

Finn watched as Kurt struggled to get up, spitting out blood. Finn quickly ran over to Karofsky and whispered, "Hey man, I thought we were just going to mess with him."

"This is messing with him." Karofsky laughed as well as some of the others did. "What's wrong Finn? Going soft on us?"

"Yeah," Puck laughed, "Maybe he's a fag too."

"Ew, don't touch me faggot." Karofsky joked and playfully pushed Finn away.

"Hey get off me!" Finn shouted, getting angry. "I'll do it."

"Be my guest." Karofsky stated and the group surrounding Kurt moved so that Finn could get near him.

Kurt was barely sitting up. He felt woozy, and he could tell his mouth was bleeding. He spat out some more blood before looking up to see Finn walk his way. "Finn?" He said weakly.

"I'm so sorry." Finn grabbed Kurt by his shirt collar, pulled him close to his mouth and whispered before drawing his fist back and punching Kurt in the face. Finn let go of Kurt and he fell back, his head hitting the ground. Finn continued to punch Kurt repeatedly in the face until Kurt went limp, his eyes closed, and he could not tell if he was breathing anymore.

Finn felt tears in his eyes as he stood up. "Dude, are you crying?" Puck questioned.

"No!" Finn growled at the group. "Some dust just got in my eye." Finn wiped his eyes just as the group saw someone chase after them.

"Hey!"

"Oh shit, it's the new kid." The group shouted and they all ran away before he could catch any of them.

Blaine wanted to run after the group of football players until he saw Kurt lying lifeless on the ground. "Oh my God, Kurt!" He quickly ran to his side and began shaking him, trying to wake him up. "Kurt come on, wake up! Kurt!" He shouted, tears falling from his eyes. "Kurt!" It was no use. Blaine looked around to see if anyone was around to help him, but there was not. It was just him and Kurt, alone. From there Blaine picked up Kurt over his shoulder and started walking to his house. "Don't worry Kurt, I'm going to help you."


	16. Chapter 16

**No real warnings in this chapter except for naughty language, but still read with caution, just in case.**

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Ch. 16

Slowly, Kurt's eyes barely began to open to the sound of a soft voice. "Don't worry. This will make you feel better." Right after the voice, Kurt felt hands rub something on top of his chest and stomach. Whatever it was it felt surprisingly good on his skin. However Kurt was worried, he could not see clearly. He did not know where he was or who was touching him. He was in pain all over, but whatever was being rubbed into his skin was making some of it disappear.

Kurt closed his eyes let out a small groan. This made the hands stop whatever they were doing instantly. "Oh my God, are you awake?" The voice gasped now clearer than before.

Kurt's eyes shot wide open at that point, knowing who it was. He looked up and sure enough, it was Blaine who was beside him. Kurt shot up and backwards crawled all the way to the headboard of Blaine's bed. Kurt's eyes darted all around the forest green room. He was panicking, "Where am I?" He asked.

"Hey, you shouldn't be moving so-" Blaine tried to coax Kurt, but he was not in the mood.

"Where am I dammit?" He shouted that time around with a lot of force. He could taste that there was a cut inside his mouth and spat on Blaine's hardwood floor.

Blaine decided to ignore his action, and language. "You're in my room Kurt, you'll be okay. I've been taking care of you, but now that you're awake-"

Blaine remained calm while he talked but Kurt interrupted him. "What? What kind of sick pervert are you? Taking off my clothes and stuff!" Kurt shouted.

"I didn't touch you below the belt I swear." Blaine explained. "All I did was put some ointment on your bruises and Neosporin on that nasty cut on your forearm. I don't think it's infected but it doesn't look good."

"What?" Kurt yelled.

"I found all this stuff in my parent's bathroom." Blaine said putting away all of the medical supplies he found. "Don't worry, they're not here yet, but I've got to call them and your parents and tell them we're going to the hospital."

Blaine took out his cell phone and started scrolling through his contact list, looking for his mother's number. "N-no you're not!" Kurt stuttered.

"Kurt don't be silly, you're in really bad shape. Your mouth is still bleeding." Blaine told Kurt, putting the cell phone to his ear.

Kurt then quickly crawled over to Blaine and swatted the phone away from him. "Hey!" Blaine complained, about to go pick up the phone as it skidded close to his white door. Kurt's eyes widen as he saw the phone ringing. Thinking fast, Kurt jumped off the bed and tackled the shorter boy to the floor. They collided with a loud thud. "Kurt what are you doing?" Blaine questioned and Kurt put his entire weight on him, no matter how much it hurt him. Blaine however could easily push Kurt's thin body off of him and ran to grab the phone. He put it up to his ear, breathing hard. He then turned it off. "Dammit, straight to voice mail." He then looked to the boy lying on his hardwood floor in pain. "What the hell Kurt? I'm trying to save you."

"I never asked you to!" Kurt yelled at Blaine, rolling on to his stomach.

"What?" Blaine was confused.

"I was-I was doing just fine until you showed up." Kurt spat out a little bit of blood on the floor again before he pushed himself up. "I don't remember asking you for your help so just back off!"

"Kurt, look at yourself." Blaine said with watery eyes, "It breaks my heart to see you like this."

"Why? We've only known each other for what? Three days? Why do you care about me? Nobody cares about me? Why do you care?" Kurt shouted angrily at Blaine. "You're nothing but a stranger!"

"Because you remind me of myself!" Blaine eventually shouted back, shocking Kurt a bit. "I was just like you back at my old school okay? Nobody helped me, and so the bullies tormented me until I had to move and change school and take up boxing just in case they ever came back!" Blaine's eyes stared tearing up again. "Nobody helped me when I needed it, and now I come to Lima and see that the same thing is happening to you, and yet you're refusing my help. And what's worse, you're dating one of the guys who beats you up on a daily basis."

Kurt got angry again. "How dare you bring Finn into this, he loves me, okay?"

"I saw him with the group of guys who left you there outside to die!" Blaine ran a hand over his gelled locks. "I don't get it."

"Finn is the only person who shows me care!" Kurt shouted.

"I'm right here in front of you!" Blaine argued.

"Look, I'm sorry that you were treated like shit at your old school, okay? Truly I am, but I'm not you. You don't know the first thing about me, alright? You don't know my problems." Kurt told him sternly.

"Then let me in. I want to know your problems. I want to help you before you end up like-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Kurt yelled. "I don't want your sympathy. I don't want anything to do with you. You should have just left me in that dumpster that day you found me!" Kurt spat again, but this time he directed it towards Blaine. The glob of saliva just felt short of hitting him.

"Kurt, just listen to me and then you won't have to see me ever again." Blaine tried to compromise with Kurt like before but it was not working.

"How about I don't hear you out and just leave you forever?" Kurt said, finding his long sleeve shirt and vest and putting them back on.

"Kurt, you won't mean that after I explain-" Blaine said tears falling from his eyes.

"I don't want you to." Kurt interrupted. "There's nothing to explain. You have a creepy obsession with me and you hate my boyfriend, the end."

Blaine let out a laugh, "Is that what you think he is?"

Kurt straightened his vest and turned to face Blaine. "He's a better man than you'll ever be."

"You don't mean that." Blaine said more tears falling from his eyes. "Kurt, he hurts you."

"But he loves me."

"So do I!" Blaine gasped after shouting what he did, covering his mouth.

Kurt's eyes widen, but he quickly shook away his own shock. "Just like I thought, a creepy obsession." Kurt stated before looking at the time on Blaine's digital alarm clock. "I've got to go." Kurt quickly said before darting out of Blaine's room, grimacing at the pain it caused him to move.

"Kurt don't." Blaine said running after him. "Kurt please let me explain, we're not so different. Please I just want to protect you so you don't end up like-"

"Good-bye Blaine." Kurt said as he ran down the stairs, trying not to make noises of agony.

"Kurt wait!" Blaine shouted once he got to the top of the stairs, but it was already too late. Kurt had already walked out of the door of Blaine's house. "No…" Blaine cried, falling to the ground. "I just wanted to help." Blaine continued to sob mentioning the name of another boy as he did so. "I don't want you to end up like Sam…"


	17. Chapter 17

**Warnings: This chapter contains violence, abuse, a brief mentioning of self harm and brief bad language. Read with caution. **

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Ch. 17

Kurt left Blaine's house as quickly as possible. His body was still hurting but he knew he had to get away from that place. "Shit." Kurt breathed as he walked. He knew he was close to the school and that would have made him relax if only he did not know the time. Kurt had been knocked out for a while and that little argument with Blaine cost him even more time.

Kurt had to be home at least around the same time Burt did in order to not receive any punishment and it had already been a few hours since school ended. Kurt knew that he was in major trouble and he had to get back to school as fast as he could carry himself. However, this was not very quick because Kurt still had bruises all over his body and his muscles were stiff. Kurt secretly wished that he was knocked out a little bit longer so that Blaine could have finished rubbing whatever he found on Kurt's skin. He would definitely be in less agony if he was still asleep. Kurt sighed; at least he knew where he was.

Kurt could not help but wonder about what Blaine had told him while they were arguing. He said that he loved him, and Kurt could not get those words out of his head. He was confused as to why a strong, handsome boy like Blaine would be interested in him? Granted, he did have his flaws, like being incredibly annoying, but still he was a nice guy. Was he even gay? Maybe Blaine just pitied him, hence why he was always trying to save him or something. Kurt sighed again. Maybe he should have stayed and listened to what Blaine had to say. But at the same time Kurt thought Blaine was creepy and probably would want to do something with him. After all he practically molested him with ointment.

Kurt tried to clear his mind and focused on how he was going to avoid Burt. Burt still had yet to hit him, but Kurt knew that day was coming soon and he was not looking forward to it. Burt was a ticking time-bomb, just waiting to explode. All he needed was just one excuse to hit him, and Kurt could think of a thousand, which is what terrified him.

Kurt got back to the parking lot where Finn had given him directions to. Kurt was never going to go back there ever again once he drove away. He would rather deal with the daily routine of being tossed into dumpsters than a surprise beating circle any day. At least he could handle getting out of the dumpster and move with less pain from that.

Kurt sighed as he drove, feeling hopeless, and still thinking about everything Blaine had told him. He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. How dare Blaine say Finn was a bad guy? Sure he gave him some bruises before and was the one to knock him out, but he would usually make up for it with tender kisses.

As Kurt thought about the kisses he would receive from Finn, he also began to think about how they had sex. Finn was really the one having sex, Kurt on the other hand was being tortured. He hated it and how it made him feel, but he thought about Finn's needs. A relationship could not be all about one person giving sweet kisses to the other. That would be selfish according to Kurt. Besides according to his father and from what he gathered from the school, Kurt did not deserve true happiness. Ever since his mother died, Burt had been telling him that he was not special, and since the school found out he was gay, Kurt thought he was a freak. _Freaks do not deserve love_ Kurt thought to himself as he finally pulled up to the driveway of his house and was tempted to go cut himself again.

Kurt got scared, for he saw Burt's car in the driveway. Kurt however thought that there was a possibility that he could still sneak inside the house and to his room. He turned off his car before gathering his things, if he was going to sneak inside the house, he had to do it right. Kurt took off his boots and carried them in his arms as he opened the door to his house.

Kurt entered and he did not hear anything. Complete silence filled the air. Kurt felt a little bit relieved that nobody was around. He tiptoed all the way down the basement without making a sound and everything appeared to have been going in his favor.

When he got to the bottom step of the basement, he sighed in relief and dropped all of his things onto the floor. "Oh good, you're alive." Kurt quickly turned his head towards his room and was shocked to see Finn there sitting on his bed, fidgeting with his hands.

Kurt stood where he was confused as Finn walked up to him cautiously. Finn looked at Kurt up and down before pulling him into a tight hug. Kurt hissed in pain and Finn quickly let go of him. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot." He told him.

Kurt stared at Finn. It looked as if he had been crying for a while. "Finn?" Kurt questioned softly, for it appeared he was going start crying again.

"I'm sorry." Finn sniffled, using the sleeve of his letterman jacket to wipe his eyes. "God Kurt I'm so sorry I had to hit you. But the guys would have known if I didn't do it. I didn't want to, but I had to. You have to understand." Finn sniffled again. "You understand right?"

Kurt was fighting with himself at that point. He wanted to say that he did not understand and that he did not want to continue experimenting with Finn anymore. After all he had another boy who claimed that he loved him. However Finn could be sweet when he wanted to be. Kurt also noticed Finn clenching his fist and that scared him greatly. After much consideration, Kurt put a smile on his face. "Yeah, of course I do. I mean you see what happens to me all the time. If people found out you were gay then the same would happen to you." He awkwardly laughed.

Finn got angry and raised his fist, "Hey, I'm not sure I'm gay okay?" He told Kurt sternly and Kurt flinched. Luckily for him, Finn lowered his hand and gently placed it against Kurt's face, paying close attention to the marks on his forehead and at the corner of his mouth. Finn delicately brushed his fingertips against Kurt's bruised skin and Kurt hissed. "Wow, you really took a beating for me." Finn smiled removing his touch from Kurt's face. "I really admire that."

Slowly, Finn closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss Kurt. Kurt did not want to, but he could not resist at the same time, for he knew Finn was being sweet and genuine. This was the type of Finn Kurt liked and slowly, he leaned in to kiss Finn back.

What started off as sweet and passionate turned sloppy really quick as Finn shoved his tongue in Kurt's mouth. Kurt got scared and his heart raced because he had an idea of what was coming next. Finn wanted sex and even though Kurt did not want it back, he had to comply. Finn began to take off Kurt's black vest, still tongue kissing him when the door opened, but Finn's moaning drowned out the small squeak.

The two continued to make out as someone walked a few steps down ward. The two heard that and quickly broke away from each other but it was too late. "So, I was going to ask you why you came home so late, but now I see this." Both boys' eyes widen as they saw Burt stand on the middle step. His face did not look pleased.

"Burt, let me explain." Finn started, but he did not want to hear anything the two had to say.

"Shut it!" He shouted before walking down the rest of the steps. The two boys walked backward slowly but their backs hit the wall. "So, you want to turn my son gay? I mean I heard rumors that one of the Hudson-Hummel's was gay, but I never believed it until I saw this."

"Dad." Kurt said, tears in his eyes. He was terrified of what he was about to do as he cracked his knuckles until he got on their level.

"How could you do this to me Kurt, to Carole, to your own mother? God, what would your mother do if she was still alive?" Burt growled and the two boys walked away from the wall and over to an open area close to Kurt's bed.

"Dad." Kurt's tears fell from his eyes.

"Mr. Hummel, please let me explain. I'm not the gay one here." Finn told Burt, but he did not believe him.

"So you're calling my son gay?" Burt questioned menacingly.

"Well, um." Before Finn could say anything else, Burt punched him in the face, knocking him out with one hit.

"Finn!" Kurt cried out, tears rushing down his cheeks. Burt was about to pummel Finn some more, when Kurt stop him by saying "Burt stop! He's right! I'm gay, not Finn."

Burt stopped himself from hitting Finn and turned to face his son. "What did you say?"

"I'm gay, not Finn! Just please, don't hurt him anymore!" Kurt begged.

"Fine." Burt said, "I'll just beat you instead."

"What?" Kurt's watery eyes widen as Burt pulled Kurt down by his shirt collar. Kurt landed on the floor. He held a hand up, trying to block himself, but his father worked his way around him and punch Kurt in the face. Kurt held his cheek in pain.

"No son of mine is going to be gay!" Burt shouted and kicked Kurt on the ground. "Stop or I'll beat it out of you!"

"But dad-" Burt did not want to hear anything, he was so fixated on beating his children. He had found his reason.

He grabbed Kurt by his collar again and started punching him repeatedly shouting incoherent things about how Kurt's birth mother would have done the same. Kurt kept getting hit until he was out of consciousness. Burt eventually stopped and let go of Kurt. Blood was all over Kurt's face and Burt's knuckles. From there he picked up Kurt and placed him at the end of the stairs.

Once that happened, Finn slowly woke up. He shook his head and picked himself up. He stared at Burt and Kurt confused, unsure of what happened between the two of them.

Burt stood up and turned to Finn. He glared at him before saying, "If anyone asks, he fell down the stairs."

Finn held his face in pain, nodding as he did so. "Yes sir." He agreed and Burt walked away from the mess, as if he did not see or do anything.


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay, Spring Break is over meaning that I probably won't be updating as frequently as I have...so just a warning, it may be a few days before I update again.**

**Trigger warning: This chapter briefly mentions the want of causing harm to one's self. If this triggers you do not read.**

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Ch. 18

It was about an hour before Carole found Kurt lifelessly lying face down at the end of the steps. Naturally she freaked out and called the ambulance. The paramedics came over quickly and helped Kurt onto a stretcher. Carole was scared for her stepson. "Did any of you see what happened?" She questioned her family frantically, noticing the blood on Kurt's face as the paramedics wheeled Kurt outside and into the ambulance.

Finn did not say anything. He just tried to hide the left side of his face from her. As for Burt, he came up with a lie rather easily.

"I thought I heard some muffled thuds down stairs when I was in our room, but did not think much of it." Burt shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe he fell down some stairs."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Finn agreed, still keeping his face low. "Excuse me." He whispered and walked away to be in his room.

"I better go talk to Finn." Burt told Carole.

She nodded, "Yeah, and I'll go to the hospital to check on Kurt." She said, still in a state of shock. She ran to grab her keys and followed the ambulance to the county hospital.

Kurt eventually got stabilized in the hospital and was treated for all of his bruises and bloody face. Carole was so confused as to how Kurt could get all those marks on his body, especially blood all over his face. She talked with the doctor and he did say a tumble down the stairs could have caused everything that happened, however it appeared that Kurt's bruises should not have fully formed and purpled so quickly, meaning that his marks were old or happened earlier than just a couple of hours ago. Carole was even more confused than before, but she was just happy to learn that Kurt would be alright and that he was just sleeping.

It was the morning of the next day when the doctors said Kurt could go home once he was awake. Carole sat by his bed side wondering why his father did not show up to see him. Finn had school in the morning so she could understand why he did not visit, but Burt was his father. Surely he would be worried about his son, right?

As thoughts swirled around in her head, she noticed Kurt make a soft whimper in his sleep. "Kurt? Kurt honey wake up." She shook his shoulder for a little while, until she realized that he could have had a bruise there. Kurt moan and little as stirred in his sleep. "Kurt, you've got to wake up now." She told him, but he just moved to his side.

Carole was getting anxious and shook Kurt again, ignoring the fact that she could have been causing him pain. "Kurt." She breathed.

After the third time Kurt's eyes slowly opened. Once everything was clear, he jumped, startled from the bright lights and windowless white walls. "Where am I?" He questioned.

Carole tried to relax him by extending out her arms and keeping Kurt in place. "It's okay honey, you're in the hospital." She explained. Kurt hissed in pain as she pressed down on his body. She noticed this and quickly backed off of him. "Sorry."

Kurt groaned as he calmed himself down. He adjusted himself to get as comfortable as he could with all of the bruises all over his body. "So, why am I in the hospital?" Kurt asked Carole.

Carole could not believe what Kurt just said. "You don't remember?" Kurt rubbed his head and suddenly he got flashbacks of his father repeatedly punching him in his face and Finn lying helpless on the ground. He touched the space in-between his mouth and nose. The blood was gone. From there he touched his left eye and winced. The high part of his cheekbone was sore. From there he touched his forehead. That did not really hurt him anymore, but Kurt assumed he still had a mark there as well. Carole looked at her stepson confused. "You fell down some stairs, right? At least that's what Burt told me."

Kurt's eyes widen at what Carole had told him. Burt had lied to her, telling her that it was all Kurt's fault. How typical of him? "Is that true?" Carole genuinely seemed worried, "Cause you know you can trust me if it's not. I know we don't talk much, but you can trust me Kurt."

Kurt knew however that he could not trust her. Carole did try, but she was nothing like Kurt's birthmother. Besides, she would usually say things that would make Kurt feel awkward and down without realizing it. On top of that she idolized her strong, Lima raised man. Burt was the only person who made her feel loved since Finn's father died. Kurt did not want to ruin that. He also did not know if she would even believe him if he were to say the truth. What would happen if Carole did believe him and tried to get away? Burt would just beat her and then Kurt for telling her the truth.

Kurt sighed after thinking for a while. "Yeah, I fell down the stairs." He awkwardly smiled, "Clumsy me."

Carole was not sure if Kurt was telling the truth, but took what she could get. "Okay. Well you should look where you're going next time alright?"

Kurt sighed again. There she went, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and making Kurt feel self-conscious. "Yeah." He said with his head down.

Carole sighed, "Well The doctors said that you can go home now that you're awake. I have your clothes here, so you can change out of your hospital gown." She told him, getting off his bed, and taking the clothes resting on the chair in his room and placing them on his bed.

"Thanks." Kurt muttered.

Carole was about to leave the room to give Kurt some privacy, but the paused when she opened the door. "Kurt." She said as Kurt struggled to stand, grabbing his attention. "If there's anything you need, just tell me alright?"

When Kurt got to his feet he turned to Carole. "Actually, can you do something for me?"

"Anything sweetie." Carole told him.

"Can I not go to school today?" Kurt knew he needed a day to rest. He could not deal with having pain all over him once again; otherwise his whole body would become one giant bruise.

Carole smiled softly, "Okay Kurt." She agreed and then left to give Kurt his privacy.

Kurt did not know why, but as soon as she left, he broke down and cried. He just felt so worthless and pathetic. He was so scared of everything and he could not defend himself from anyone. Kurt felt like cutting himself again and looked around the hospital room, looking for something sharp, but he could not find anything lying around. Kurt sobbed harder, just wanting to cut himself and feel better, even if it was only for a moment.

After spending a few minutes to cry, Kurt changed and put his clothes back on. He wiped his eyes and forced a smile on his face so that Carole would not question him. He sighed when he left the room. He knew what he was going to do the moment he got home.


	19. Chapter 19

**Yay, kind of long chapter! Hope you all enjoy and remember to review if you can!**

**Trigger warning: This chapter contains a lot of self-harm. If this triggers you I highly suggest you skip this chapter.**

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Ch. 19

As soon as Kurt got home he bolted to his basement bedroom and locked the door for some privacy. He ran down the stairs and dug his hand into his satchel beside his bed, finding his secret razorblade. He held on to it tightly, causing the blade to cut into his palm, causing a light injury, but Kurt did not care. He liked the feeling of self-pain. He could control it and he thought he deserved it. From there he squeezed the razorblade tighter in his hand after he noticed the cut. He held on to it as if he was attempting to crush the blade, but all it was causing was blood to slowly trickle down his hand and on to his wrist. The sight of blood felt comforting to him, relaxed him a little, which for a few seconds Kurt thought was strange. Yes, he was causing himself pain, but Kurt hated pain, and yet this kind of pain was making him feel alright. Kurt decided not to question it because it was the only thing he could think of that made him feel better. A strange, but soothing addiction.

Kurt squeezed his hand tightly until the razorblade cut so deeply into his palm that the blood became thicker and trailed further down his arm. Once the blood fell all the way down to the bend of his elbow, he released his grip on the crimson stained, metal object and watched as it fell to his floor, making a small noise. It resonated slightly and Kurt let out a small laugh. He was not going to school that day. He avoided the bullies, he avoided Blaine, and he avoided the work he was struggling in.

The only thing Kurt did not like about missing school were his planned encounters with Finn. He did not miss the sex part of it, but he missed being around him. He missed his smell and the way he would sometimes caress his skin. Most of all however, Kurt missed the sweet, soft kisses that Finn would give him before they had sex. If Finn just stopped there, Kurt would be much happier and in less pain than he would normally be in, but he took what he could get. After all Finn claimed to care about him, someone like that could not be all that bad, right?

Kurt took some toilet paper and wiped off his razorblade in his bathroom before taking a long piece of the same paper and pressing it against his cut palm. Once the bleeding stopped, he used the remaining clean parts of the toilet paper to wipe off his arm before throwing it in the trash. From there Kurt put some more toilet paper into the trash to hide the evidence that he was bleeding.

Once Kurt calmed down from his high off of cutting himself, Kurt decided to do something he had not done in a long time. He took in a deep breath and began to sing some songs from his favorite musical movies. Kurt did not believe he had that great of a voice, but he knew it was something he liked to do as long as nobody was around to hear it. However, he thought that if he was able to escape from Lima and go to NYADA in New York, he would be surrounded by people who were like him. People who would not bully him for being different. People who would accept him. People he would not be afraid of singing in front of.

The dream was a long shot because Kurt's grades were not very good and he did not do any extracurricular activities, but if he could get accepted into the school he dreamed of, he would be happy. Technically he would be happy with a school that was not in Ohio and had a singing program, but there was something about New York. New York always seemed to be a place where people could be whatever they wanted to be, or at least, that is what the movies he watched made him believe. The only other place Kurt could think about being comfortable in was California, but it was a much bigger state than New York, which meant that there were more people that could beat him up if he was wrong.

Kurt spent his day off singing or resting on his bed, daydreaming about the wonders of New York. He was so caught up with his thoughts that he did not hear someone knock on the door to the basement at first. It took Kurt four knocks before he finally heard the fifth time someone knock on the door and attempt to open it. "Kurt, you down there?" A muffled voice called out.

Kurt was afraid, unsure of whom it was. He did not want to respond out of fear it was his father. It was bad enough that Burt almost beat him to death yesterday, but if he was looking for him again, he would not know what to do, if he would even survive. "Kurt come on, open the door." The door shook again because whoever was on the other side was trying to open it.

Kurt swallowed his nervousness and decided it was best to just get it over with if it was his father. Cautiously, he got off of his grey, black, and white bed and walked up the stairs. He slowly unlocked the door once he was at the top of the stairs and it flung open. Kurt gasped, but relaxed when he saw Finn holding a big, brown paper bag. "Oh, it's just you Finn."

"Yeah." Kurt was behaving stranger than normal. It was as if he was paranoid or something as his eyes shifted all over the place. He did not even notice that Kurt was happy to see him. "Can I talk to you privately?" He asked hushed, making sure only Kurt could hear him.

"Of course." Kurt thought that Finn was trying to make up for the lost time they missed because Kurt was not in school that day. Kurt was a little afraid as he led Finn down the stairs. He noticed that Finn quickly locked the door behind him before following him, but Kurt just assumed it was a privacy thing. He thought that Finn wanted to have sex with him, but at the same time, the last school encounter they had did not end in sex. Granted, they ran out of time before they could to do that action, but Kurt secretly wished that for once Finn would not have sex with him and just kiss him.

Kurt got to his bed and sat down. He made a motion for Finn to sit down beside him, but he refused. "No thanks, I'd prefer to stand."

Kurt shrugged. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?" His eyes were fixated on the large, brown paper bag Finn was carrying. He could tell something was in it.

"Okay, well first off I found these for you and I thought it was best to give them back." Finn stated before digging through the brown paper bag.

What he pulled out shocked Kurt. "I can't believe you found them!" He exclaimed as his eyes landed on his pair of black, rubber rain boots that were stolen a few days ago.

"Yeah." Finn stated quickly. He had something on his mind, but Kurt did not notice. He was blinded by the kind gesture.

"Oh thank you!" Kurt exclaimed and ran up to Finn to hold him tightly, but Finn stopped him.

"Lower you voice." He told him softly. "We can't let Burt hear us."

"Oh, right." Kurt giggled quietly. "So what else did you want to talk about?" He whispered.

"Kurt, there's no easy way to say this." Finn started off and Kurt's mood quickly changed.

"What?"

"Look, I had fun with you, but I realized that I'm not gay." Finn told him and Kurt could not believe what he was hearing.

"No." He repeated over and over again.

"Look I'm sorry, but I'm already dating someone else. I've decided to stop our experiment." Finn explained.

Kurt suddenly got angry as tears started developing in his eyes. "No, you're just saying that because of Burt. He told you something didn't he? Is he's threatening you?"

"I'm sorry Kurt, but I've got to stop." Finn said.

Kurt was even madder at that point. "You can't just turn off being gay Finn!" He shouted. "You either are or you aren't!"

"Hey, lower your voice." Finn tried to calm Kurt down, but it was not working.

"No! I can't believe you're being such a coward about this!" Kurt yelled.

"And what, you're not?" Finn shouted back. "Kurt, you saw what he did to me." Finn pointed to his bruised cheek. "And-And look what he did to you! You could not even come to school today!"

"Like I said, you can't just stop feeling the way you feel about someone." Kurt argued, but Finn did not agree.

"Well I can!" Finn told him. "And I'm going to."

Kurt was a mix of miserable and irritated. "Who is it?" He asked as the tears streamed down his face. "Who are you dating now?"

"Rachel Berry." Finn answered.

"Rachel?" Kurt was in disbelief. Being the school punching bag gave Kurt the benefit of knowing everyone in the school. "You cannot be serious! She's not even popular!"

Rachel Berry was considered an outcast at the school because she had two fathers instead of a mother and father. Nobody liked her supposedly because of this fact and because she was very full of herself. She was bullied often by the jocks at the school. Her usual punishment was a slushy to the face. However, because she was not gay herself, and was actually pretty despite her large nose, she was not as much as a freak as Kurt. Also, even though having gay parents, she did nothing to stop the attacks on Kurt. She just ignored them and pretended as if they never happened.

"I've made my decision Kurt. I suggest you make your soon." Finn said.

"Oh I have, I'm still gay. No matter what happens to me, nobody can kick it out of me. If that were the case I would have switched to girls after my first dumpster dive." Kurt stated a little sourly. A part of him wished that he could change just so that he would not get hurt so much, but he knew it was impossible, and that made him want to cut.

"Well I guess we're done here." Finn told him. "See you at school fag." Finn finished and left the room slamming the door.

Kurt was mad, but mainly at himself. He could not change for his father or for Finn, and right now neither one of them wanted anything to do with him. Kurt was still crying hot tears when he remembered he left his razorblade in the bathroom. As fast as he could run, Kurt went inside his bathroom and grabbed the metal object. He rolled down the sleeve of his arm where he had cut himself before and stared at the bandage wrapped around it. Kurt ripped off the wrapping and gazed upon his cross like cut. Tears fell from his eyes as he quickly slashed at his arm, adding two more horizontal lines on the one vertical cut he had made before. However, the calm he had felt before was not coming to him. Kurt tried to cut himself again, adding another vertical line to all the cuts on his forearm, but he felt nothing.

Feeling frustrated and heart broken, Kurt threw the razorblade in anger at the wall. It made a small noise as it collided with the light blue, tiled surface. Kurt put his face in his hands and cried until he could not produce any more tears. He had lost his first love and he could not do anything about it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Okay, so it's been a while since I've posted, but I'm really stressed and busy with university work considering the semester's almost over. Luckily I found time to write and it's a really long chapter so I hope you enjoy! Please review if you can, I've loved every single review so far! Thank you guys! **

**Warnings: Slight self harm and bad language so if this makes you uncomfortable, skip this chapter.**

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Ch. 20

Kurt did not get any sleep as usual and decided to wait for Finn in the kitchen all night sitting at the table. While he waited, Kurt fiddled around with his razorblade, tapping it against the table surface or twirling it in-between his fingers. While playing with the razorblade, he accidentally sliced his knuckle open as he attempted to twirl it. Kurt hissed slightly from the initial impact, but overall did not care. He could not care about anything except for Finn and what he had told him. How he was dating Rachel and how he was going to pretend that he was a straight football jerk, but Kurt knew the truth.

He was definitely a jerk, especially after what he had told him, but Kurt knew that no matter how many times Finn denied it, he was definitely gay. Finn had to be considering all of the things they did together. To Kurt, Finn was the love of his life. He gave him his time, love, and his virginity. Things he could never get back, except possibly love. Kurt still loved Finn and wanted to continue to be with him, so he waited in the kitchen for Finn to appear. He was going to try to win back Finn. Even if they went back to being a secret thing, Kurt did not care. He just wanted to feel like somebody took an interest in him. That somebody loved him and made him feel okay.

As Kurt thought about how Finn made him feel he remembered that the bad outweighed the good, but that little bit of care was all he needed to feel okay. He just wanted to feel better in any way he could.

And that was when Blaine entered Kurt's mind. He still remembered what he had said to him the last time they were in the same room. Blaine told Kurt that he loved him, something that he was not even sure if Finn said before. If he had, it was certainly not in the same fashion as how Blaine said it. Blaine's eyes were all teary and he was full of emotion, showing him he truly meant it. However when it came to Finn, all he cared about was his own needs, but once he got them he would reward Kurt with tender kisses or soft nuzzles. That is what Kurt liked. He liked the way it made him feel. Blaine never made him feel that way, but that might have been because Kurt never gave him a chance. Granted, Kurt was always too annoyed to respond back to Blaine's persistent questions and help, however as Kurt continued to think about Blaine, it did make him feel a little special that someone would care enough to try like that. After all Blaine never did anything wrong, except for possibly taking Kurt to his house and trying to heal him. That was a little strange.

"Hey." Kurt instantly stopped thinking about Blaine when he heard his voice. It was forced and awkward, as if he had to say hello to him.

Kurt glared at him as he watched him open the milk carton in the refrigerator and disgustingly drink the milk right out of it. "Finn." He stated flatly.

Finn looked at Kurt and became annoyed. He put the milk carton back in the refrigerator and slammed the door of it shut. "Dammit Kurt, are you still mad about my decision?" He question.

"Oh no, of course not." Kurt sarcastically remarked.

"Dammit Kurt!" Finn repeated and threw his backpack down on the floor of the kitchen. "Why are you mad?"

Kurt could not believe the words coming out of Finn's mouth. "Why am I mad? Why am I mad?" He said twice, raising his voice each time. "I'm mad because you're gay Finn and you're giving up what we had!"

"Shhh!" Finn quickly shushed Kurt. "Not so loud or Burt will come."

"And what, make you run into the closet again?" Kurt questioned.

"I'm not gay Kurt, it was just an experiment." Finn growled clenching his fist.

"Bullshit!" Kurt retaliated, not noticing Finn's hands. "It was more than that. We've have sex, you were attracted to me, you loved me." Kurt told him sternly, hoping that it would make Finn think about all the times he appeared to have been happy when he was with him. After all, he always appeared very satisfied when he and Kurt finished having sex.

"Stop it." Finn said through gritted teeth.

"No, you love me!" Kurt shouted.

"Shut up!" Finn snarled, getting closer to Kurt.

"Admit it!"

Finn had had enough of Kurt and his words so he punched him in the mouth. "Stop it!" He shouted in a rage. Kurt was shocked. He was so sure that reminding Finn of everything they did and had would make him love him again, but it did not work. Kurt merely clutched his lower jaw, surprised at what had just happened. "And stay away from me at school fag!" Finn pointed at Kurt before walking away, fuming mad. He picked up his backpack and stormed out of the kitchen and out of the house.

Kurt merely began to cry sitting back down at the table. His plan had failed. Finn was going to continue to pretend that they did not share anything special, or at least, Kurt thought what they had was special.

As Kurt sobbed for a few more minutes, Carole and Burt walked down the upstairs and entered the kitchen. Both of them noticed Kurt crying and both reacted very differently. "Kurt honey, are you okay?" Carole questioned softly.

"What the hell did you do now?" Burt asked annoyed.

That caught Kurt's attention and he instantly shot up from the table and wiped his eyes. "I'm not crying." He quickly stated.

Carole was concerned, and that is when she noticed a tiny, metal object on the small, kitchen table. "Kurt what's that?" She pointed out.

Kurt looked to the table and his eyes went wide. He quickly snatched his razorblade and gripped it tightly. The blade slowly reopening the wound he had created on his palm from before. "Uh, I broke my razor earlier." Kurt rushed through his words.

"You're crying over a broken razor?" Burt stated as if he was stupid for doing so.

Carole also believed his story. Technically, it was not a lie. She was oblivious to the obvious sign of Kurt's self-destructive behavior, but then again, he wore sleeves that covered up his scars and his hands were closed, hiding the other mark that was reopening. "Oh, well do you need me to buy you a new one?" Carole questioned. "I could go to the store later today."

"Why bother? It's a rare occasion when this kid can grow facial hair." Burt lowly chuckled.

Kurt put his head down and put the blade away in his satchel that was always close by to him. Carole noticed this as well. "Kurt, are you sure you're okay?"

Kurt put his satchel around his shoulder and wiped his eyes as he walked passed them. "I'm fine." He grumbled.

"Hey, show Carole some respect!" Burt shouted, noticing Kurt brush passed her, but Kurt just kept walking away from them and out of the house. "Stupid fag." He muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Carole questioned.

"Nothing." Burt grumbled before walking away, "Go cook me breakfast."

Kurt was a mix of depressed and angry as he drove to school that day. He did not really want to go because he still felt sore, but he wanted Finn back so he had to follow him. It was the only way in his mind.

Kurt sighed as he pulled into the parking lot. Just as he did so, he heard thunder and small rain droplets fell from the sky. Kurt sighed again and smacked the steering wheel with his bloody hand. He did not care that he was ruining his car with crimson smears, he just was not in the mood to deal with another miserable day and Kurt knew it was going to be miserable because it was raining. Kurt hated the rain as much as he hated the fact that Finn was dating a girl and not just any girl, but a girl most people hated. Kurt cursed and shouted inside his car before eventually calming down. He sighed for a third time before walking out of his car, expecting to be thrown into the dumpster.

To Kurt's surprise however, nobody was waiting for him. No one was hiding outside, getting ready to throw him into dumpsters or beat him up. Kurt was free, but that did not make him feel better. If anything it only made him more paranoid.

Kurt was in full blown panic mode when he reached his locker and no one said one nasty thing to him or even looked at him. It was all too weird for him. Surely someone would have had at least insulted him at that point, but nothing happened. However, when Kurt opened his locker, turned his head briefly to the right and saw the football players all walk down the hall with their girlfriends attached to their arms. Everyone except for Karofsky had a girl beside them. All of the girls were in dresses and the boys were in their letterman jackets, just like how it was supposed to be in Lima.

Kurt glared at Finn who was leading the pack with a smug look on his face. As for Rachel, she was smiling from ear to ear, just happy to be with the popular teens. As the group walked past Kurt they said derogatory words at him and Kurt merely continued to glare as they insulted him.

Because Kurt was glaring, Finn stopped the group. "What's wrong fag? Mad that you can't get those gay Mamma Mia! tickets at the revival theater?" Finn laughed.

"Dude, how did you know that?" Puck questioned. "Cause that was totally gay."

Finn came up with a quick answer, "Well I got to live with him, don't I?"

"Oh yeah, I feel so bad for you dude." Puck told him with sympathy.

Kurt did not say anything. He kept all his thoughts to himself as he eyed Rachel up and down.

Rachel looked down to the floor and fidgeted with her fingers, as if she wanted to see the show as well, but there was more to it. Technically when they sympathized with Finn, they also felt the same for Rachel, who was raised by two men and she personally did not like that they felt sorry for her, but she wanted to fit in with the popular crowd so she went along with what they had to say. "Yeah, living with gays is the worst." She stated softly, not really meaning it, but just saying it to fit in.

Kurt rolled his eyes acting as if he did not care, but when Finn insulted him, it hurt, especially since they had broken up. "Whatever." Kurt mumbled, trying to hide his sadness. He eyed how tightly and securely Finn held Rachel under his arm and Kurt could not help but wish he was in her position.

The group continued to laugh and walk away when out of nowhere Karofsky shouted to the group, "Go ahead guys, I have some unfinished business." The group snickered, thinking nasty thoughts about what Karofsky could be planning. They let him be and allowed him to do whatever he wanted in private, believing that he was going to beat up Kurt or something.

When Kurt got his things situated for his first period class, he closed his locker to see Karofsky leaning close to him. "Hello Kurt." He smirked.

Kurt's eyes widen, he could just tell something bad was going to happen. "We're in school now so you can't beat me up!" He told him. "If a teacher sees you, they'll report you."

"Like they do all the time." Karofsky sarcastically remarked. "Please." He scoffed.

Kurt got even more scared than before. "What are you going to do to me?" He asked, trembling slightly.

"Oh relax, I'm not gonna hit you." He told him.

"Really?" Kurt was in disbelief.

"Yeah." Karofsky chuckled, folding his arms. "I saw how you looked at Rachel and Finn today."

"So what? They pissed me off with their comments." Kurt snapped.

"That's not all you're pissed off about." He smirked.

"What are you talking about Karofsky?" Kurt was annoyed and confused.

"I know." The other boy grinned.

"What?" Kurt did not understand.

"I know about you and Finn." Kurt's eyes widen when Karofsky finished. "Or rather, what used to be you and Finn."

"How?" Kurt managed to choke out.

Karofsky shrugged, "I have my ways."

Kurt was now more scared than he had ever felt before. "You-You can't tell anyone!" He stuttered.

"Oh I won't, as long as you do something for me." Karofsky smiled, making Kurt feel slightly uncomfortable.

Kurt was thinking about Finn's reputation and how he had to protect it. That was something he promised to do when they were together, and even though they were no longer experimenting, Kurt did not want to hurt Finn, at least, not like that. "What do I have to do?" Kurt whispered. A part of him hated himself for still having feelings for Finn, but the other part thought that there was still a slim chance they could get back together. It was not a high hope, but it was still a hope that Kurt desperately clung onto.

"Follow me." Karofsky told him lowly, and with that Karofsky led Kurt to the boy's locker room.

While they walked, Blaine was just humming a tune to himself as he walked the halls to get to his first period class when he noticed Kurt following Karofsky. "Kurt?" Blaine instantly stopped humming when he saw Karofsky open the door with Kurt trailing behind. Blaine knew Karofsky to be one of the major bullies at William McKinley High School. "Oh no." He whispered and ran over to them as Karofsky closed the door. Blaine got to the door too late and tried to open it, only to see that it was locked. He began banging on the door. "Kurt? Kurt!" He shouted just as the warning bell rang. Instantly he began tugging at the nob of the door. "Kurt!" He yelled banging his fist on the door.

"Mr. Anderson." A teacher stated sternly to him. "Don't you have a class to go to?"

"Yes, but this is an emergency!" Blaine begged, "Please you've got to help me open this door."

"Not unless you want to be late and get a detention." The teacher scolded.

Blaine continued to tug and the teacher glared at him, about to pull out a small notebook and pen, ready to send Blaine to detention. Blaine sighed and let go of the door, seeing that he could not do anything about what was going on. "That's right Mr. Anderson, head to class." The teacher chuckled and put away their notebook and pen and left to go teach just before the bell rang.


	21. Chapter 21

**This chapter took me a long time to write, so I hope it's good. **

**Trigger Warnings: Rape, if this triggers you, seriously consider skipping this chapter**

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Ch. 21

Karofsky quickly shut the door and locked it once Kurt entered the boy's locker room. Kurt sighed as he passed by him. "Okay Karofsky, what do I have to-" Kurt stopped mid-sentence because what Karofsky did shocked him. The second Kurt started talking; Karofsky left the door and walked over to Kurt to forcefully put his lips on his. Kurt's eyes went wide as Karofsky put more pressure on top of his mouth.

The kiss was forced and sloppy causing Kurt to eventually push him away when the initial shock wore off. Karofsky did not think anything of Kurt's shove and tried to kiss him again. Kurt stopped him the only he could think of. He slapped him.

Karofsky did not like that move one bit and Kurt's eyes went wide again with terror as Karofsky charged him. He slammed Kurt into the lockers and he let out a small groan, falling to the floor. Karofsky was fuming, about to yell at Kurt when he heard banging on the door.

"Kurt!" The two heard a voice shout out.

Kurt recognized the voice to be Blaine's and for a brief second, he thought about calling out for his help. Karofsky saw that Kurt was going to make another noise of some sort so he ran over to him and covered his mouth with his hand. "If you tell anyone about this, I will tell the whole school about your precious Finn, and then he will never want you again." Karofsky whispered menacingly to Kurt.

Kurt was still terrified. Karofsky had all the power and he knew it. Kurt knew what Karofsky said was true, if anyone else found out about his escapades with Finn; Finn would deny everything and really take it out on him. However if Kurt stayed silent and let Blaine leave, there could still be a possibility for him and Finn to get back together, or at least, that is what he thought.

Blaine continued to bang on the door and call out Kurt's name until it suddenly stopped. There were brief murmurs going on outside the door before everything when quiet.

Slowly, Karofsky removed his hand from Kurt's trembling mouth. "Good." He whispered before directing his attention to Kurt. "Now, do as I say, and everything will be okay for you and Finn." He growled. "However, if you refuse, or make any kind of noise I swear to God that I will not only tell people that Finn is gay, but I'll tell them everything I saw and I saw a lot." Karofsky told Kurt, "Understand?"

Kurt did not know what to do. He did not want to keep kissing Karofsky, but at the same time he wanted to protect Finn because he loved him. He still wanted to be with him, and in his mind, complying with Karofsky's demands were the only way to do it. Kurt swallowed nervously and nodded his head, wishing that he did not. When Kurt agreed to do whatever Karofsky wanted, his mind was instantly filled with thoughts of Blaine, not Finn. As much as he hated himself for thinking it, he did want his help.

Kurt wanted a way out until Karofsky uttered the words "Okay, let's make Finn jealous." He gave out a sinister laugh.

"W-What?" Kurt stuttered.

"Did I say you could speak?" Karofsky stated sternly. Kurt shook his head quickly. "Good. Now, like I said, you can make Finn jealous by making out with me." He whispered in Kurt's ear. "If you tell him about us, he'll get jealous and you can be with him again. Maybe we would all get together and have some fun. That would be even better." Karofsky grinned, thinking out loud. Kurt did not like that idea at all and he hoped inside his head that Finn would never suggest that. However, the idea of Finn getting jealous was sparking interest. "But, if you or Finn tell anybody about what happens here, I will kill both of you."

Kurt gulped, knowing Karofsky could do it if he really wanted to. Karofsky had more strength than Finn and could easily beat Kurt. Finn would be more of a challenge for Karofsky, but Kurt knew it was all very possible so he nodded, signaling that he understood that Karofsky was serious. "Now, where were we?" Karofsky snickered before placing his lips softly on Kurt's.

Kurt did not mind kissing Karofsky at that point. He was being sweet and gentle. Even though Kurt did not have any attraction towards Karofsky, the kisses still felt nice. Maybe doing this would not be as bad as he thought it would be. Kurt closed his eyes, trying to become loose, and just imagine Finn to get through with Karofsky's demand. However, the more Kurt tried to think about Finn, the more he actually thought about Blaine. He was confused as to why Blaine left him alone even though he claimed that he wanted to save Kurt from the bullies. Even though nothing too bad was happening to him at that moment, Kurt still secretly wished that Blaine would be around to annoyingly show up like he always did and try to be the hero. Kurt was unsure why he wanted this; he just assumed he wanted this experience to end as soon as possible.

Kurt continued to wonder about Blaine until he felt Karofsky's warm tongue slither across his lips. Kurt gasped and broke the kiss by backing away, not expecting Karofsky to do that. "Kurt." Karofsky breathed when he was given the chance to so and moved closer to Kurt to try to continue where he left off.

Kurt continued to back away until he was up against the wall of the locker room. Karofsky let out another sinister laugh. "Nowhere to run now." He smirked.

Kurt's body was shaking. He did not know what else to do. He could not speak, or Karofsky would tell the school about Finn. He could not deny Karofsky either because he would then tell the school about Finn. Everything Kurt wanted to do would cause Finn to hate him forever. There was no way out, no Blaine to burst through the door and save the day. Kurt was just alone in a locker room with Karofsky.

Kurt continued to slide along the wall until Karofsky got him cornered. "I've got you." He told him in a low, yet playful growl. As if he enjoyed the torment he was giving. "You can't escape me now." He chuckled before crashing his lips on top of Kurt's. Karofsky put his arms against the wall, surrounding Kurt so that he would not be able to move away. His tongue pushed itself into Kurt's mouth, swirling all around the inside. Kurt felt like screaming but knew he could not to because of what Karofsky said. He also felt sick to him stomach and wanted to throw up, but he knew better than to do that. Karofsky would really kill him then if he vomited at that point so he held it in.

Kurt's heart began racing as Karofsky wrapped his arms around him as he continued to force his tongue inside Kurt's mouth. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He wished that Blaine or Finn would come in and stop Karofsky but nothing happened. "Kurt I want you so bad." Karofsky gasped for air, breaking away from Kurt for just a moment. That is when Kurt pushed passed him and ran to the stall of the bathroom section of the boy's locker room. He got on his knees and puked into the open toilet, crying. Kurt did not care if this would cause Finn to get jealous or anything anymore, he just wanted everything to stop. He was getting flashes of when Finn had sex with him in the janitor's closet and even though it was painful he was with Finn back then. He just wanted to be with Finn again.

Karofsky followed Kurt into the bathroom stall and he was not happy. "Did I say we were done?" He growled.

"Please Karofsky," Kurt sobbed, "can we please stop?" He was begging him.

"You're talking." Karofsky said menacingly. "I didn't say you could talk."

"Karofsky please, haven't you've gotten what you wanted?" Kurt cried.

"Now because you talked back to me, I want something else." Karofsky told him sternly.

"No Karofsky, please no more." Kurt said, eyes streaming tears. Karofsky locked the bathroom stall and unzipped his pants before turning to Kurt.

Kurt was confused as to what was going on. "What are you doing?"

"Suck me." Karofsky demanded.

"W-what?" Kurt stuttered, still not understanding.

Karofsky then exposed himself to Kurt. "I said, suck me." He glared and clenched his fists.

"But, Karofsky-" Karofsky was getting mad with what he thought was Kurt staling, but in reality, Kurt seriously did not know what to do or what was going on. He had only had sex for the first time when he was with Finn back in the janitor's closet and then he did not know what was going on either.

Karofsky was annoyed with Kurt's behavior and felt like he could not wait any more. He walked up to Kurt and grabbed the top of his head, putting his fingers through his hair, and yanking it close to his exposed area. Kurt's eyes widen in shock as his lips touched Karofsky's private area. He tried to pull his head back but Karofsky forced it in place.

With his free hand, Karofsky used it to open Kurt's mouth. From there he held it open and slid Kurt's mouth onto his length.

Kurt gagged, feeling like he would vomit again. This action was so unnatural to him and on top of that, it was being forced. Back and forth Karofsky slid Kurt's mouth until Kurt could not take it any longer. He threw up all over Karofsky's pants and private area. Karofsky backed away but got covered anyway. He was utterly disgusted. Kurt's eyes went wide when he finished. Both boys were in shock.

Before Karofsky could do anything else to Kurt, he grabbed his satchel and crawled under the stall and back into the open locker room area. Once he was free Kurt ran away to the door, unlocked it and left, not turning back once.


	22. Chapter 22

**Okay, hopefully this looks correct because the dox thing is giving me some trouble...Anyway, this is a ridiculously long chapter for you guys and it took me many days to write and edit so hopefully it was worth the wait.**

**Warnings: Mention of rape, lots of self-harm, and bad language...I think that's it, but I'm not sure. Anyway, this is a very dark chapter and if that makes you uneasy, I highly suggest you skip it.**

**Oh, and thank you to everyone who reviews, you are greatly loved!**

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Ch.22

Kurt ran as fast as he could into the nearest boy's bathroom. He stormed through the door and once the door closed he threw his satchel as hard as he could. It collided with one of the bright, white walls and instantly everything inside of it spilled onto the floor, including a small, metal object. Kurt barely noticed it due to all of the crying he had been doing, but even with all the tears in his eyes, the small shine of his razorblade caught his eyes.

Kurt felt miserable. He just knew that he had ruined not only his life, but also Finn's. Kurt knew because of what happened between him and Karofsky that Karofsky would tell the world about him and Finn, causing Finn to want anything to do with him. Kurt was scared and he did not know what to do. He hated himself for throwing up all over Karofsky. He ran his fingers through his hair, pacing the bathroom and looking down at the razorblade on the tiled floor. After doing this for a minute, Kurt picked up the razorblade and rolled down the sleeve of his black cardigan. He saw the scars on his arm, middle knuckle and on the palm of his hand. Kurt wanted to punish himself for ruining his own life, for ruining everyone's life of whom he ever came in contact with.

He took the razorblade and stared off slow, slicing open the scab on his middle knuckle. Kurt got a slight stinging sensation from cutting that area, but not enough to make him satisfied and Kurt wanted instant satisfaction.

As the bell rang, signaling students that first period was over, Kurt continued to stare at the scars on his arm. He continued to think about how everything was his fault. How Karofsky would tell everyone Finn was gay and how it would affect Finn and his relationship. For a brief second, the thought about countering Karofsky's words by just saying what he made him do, but then Karofsky's threat of death came up in his head. Kurt thought he could not do anything to change what was going on in his life. If he told, both he and Finn would be pummeled to death by Karofsky. Kurt could not win. He thought he was destined to have a miserable life. To be doomed forever in a world full of bullies. All of these thoughts just made Kurt cry harder. He felt angry at the world, but mostly at himself. He wanted to be punished. He wanted to hurt himself for what he had done.

Quickly, Kurt took the razorblade and reopened all of the vertical and horizontal lines on top of his forearm. He watched the mass amounts of thick, crimson blood piled on top of his arm, but it still did not satisfy him. Kurt barely felt any pain when he reopened his old scars. He needed to feel pain, so he took his blood stained razorblade and looked at his wrist. When he flipped his arm to the underside, Kurt just saw an empty canvas that was meant to be marked. He took his razorblade and quickly slashed three horizontal lines on the underside of his forearm, each line getting closer to his wrist.

Kurt eventually stopped crying as he continued to make cuts closer to his wrist. He was getting frustrated, unable to feel the right amount of pain he felt he deserved. He decided to cut into the lines he already made even deeper, trying to feel something, but all it did was produce more blood.

Kurt was mad and upset that he did not feel the pain he thought he deserved. Cutting was not doing anything for him anymore, even though his arm and hand were covered in blood. Kurt threw his razorblade at the wall and it landed on top of his satchel. Kurt ran a blood stained hand through his hair, not really unsure of what to do. He walked over to the window wishing that William McKinley High School was not a ground level school with a basement gym.

Kurt thought about jumping off of a high place, or maybe telling a teacher what Karofsky did so that he could beat him up. Kurt wanted to feel pain and he was beginning to think that if he had to die in order to achieve the level of pain he wanted, he would be fine with it.

Kurt sighed, accepting the idea that he was going to die soon because Karofsky said he would kill him if he told anyone about them together. Kurt walked over to his satchel, leaving droplets of blood all over the tiled floor.

Kurt was gathering his things, leaving blood stains on all of his papers and notebooks, but he did not care, after all he thought he was about to die. What use would these things be if he was dead? As Kurt put away the last of his things into his satchel he heard the bathroom door swing open. Kurt did not really care who it was or if they saw his arm bleeding profusely. Kurt just wanted to die and have everything end.

"Oh my God!" Kurt chuckled lightly, expecting that sort of reaction from the recognizable voice. "Kurt, are you okay? What happened here? And your arm is just so…bloody! What happened?" The voice was rambling on in shock.

Kurt merely continued to laugh as he walked past him. "Oh now you care." He remarked bitterly. He turned around to see that it was indeed Blaine.

"W-what?" Blaine stuttered.

Kurt rolled his eyes, ignoring Blaine and was about to walk out of the bathroom when Blaine grabbed the cut up part of his arm by accident. Kurt hissed in pain and Blaine quickly let go. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry." He apologized.

Kurt's eyes widen when he realized that he felt sharp pain when Blaine touched his cuts. "Do it again." Kurt told him.

"Excuse me?" Blaine was confused.

"Touch my arm again." Kurt demanded.

"What? No! Kurt we need to stop the bleeding." Blaine told him, walking over to a sink to wash away the blood he got on his hand.

Kurt was mad that Blaine did not comply and then began to grab his own hand, but ironically it was not hurting him like when Blaine was touching him, until his fingertips grazed on of the deeper cuts. Kurt began to dig his fingers into the deeper cuts on his arm and he closed his eyes, feeling a mix of pleasure of and agony. He was finally feeling satisfied with the amount of pain he was feeling.

As Kurt continued to injure himself further, Blaine walked over to the paper towel dispenser. "Okay, a couple of these should stop the-" Blaine stopped talking when he noticed Kurt hurting himself further. "What are you-stop it!" Blaine shouted. He ran over to Kurt and removed his hand from his cuts. Kurt winced for the fast speed of removal hurt more than just touching it. "Kurt, what's wrong? Why are you doing this?"

"We should do that again." Kurt suggested, "Come on, yank my fingers out." Kurt told him, about to put his hands back in one of his deep cuts, but Blaine swatted his hand away.

"No!" He yelled, hoping to get some sense into Kurt. Blaine ran a hand over his gelled down, dark locks, feeling confused and frustrated himself. "Kurt, what happened? Why are you bleeding? And why are you acting so weird?" Blaine looked as though he was about to cry but Kurt did not seem to care about Blaine's emotions. "Kurt, just tell me what's going on."

"Like you care." Kurt argued. After raising his voice to speak, Kurt got a sudden feeling of wooziness. It shocked him slightly and he momentarily lost his balance. Luckily, Kurt got his footing right and was able to regain his composure.

"What are you talking about?" Blaine was confused and his eyes became watery.

"You want to know what happened to me, huh? When I was in the locker room? Karofsky forced me to kiss him and suck his privates." Kurt yelled at Blaine, tears of anger forming in his eyes.

Blaine's eyes widen. He could not believe what happened to Kurt. "He-He raped you?" Blaine spoke softly.

"Yes, that's exactly what he did Blaine, and where were you?" Kurt shouted.

"Uh I was…" Blaine prolonged that last word, unsure of what to do or say.

"You were nowhere! You said you wanted to protect me, well you do a really shitty job of doing that." It sounded as if Kurt was complaining.

Blaine's head felt like it was going to explode. "Now, wait a second. I was there but I can't break down a locked door. I tried to help you Kurt. I did all that I could." Blaine tried to defend himself, but it was not really working. Kurt folded his arms, bleeding all over his white shirt and black cardigan, but for once in his life, Kurt did not care about his outfit getting dirty. "Wait a second, why are you getting all upset?" Blaine was getting angry at that point and the tears in his eyes stopped forming. "I remember clearly that you said you did not want my help and you stormed out of my house."

"I don't want it, but it's what you're supposed to do! You were supposed to bust in through the door and rescue me like you normally do and nothing would have happened between Karofsky and me!" Kurt yelled ignoring the woozy, spinning feeling he was getting in his head. Tears were streaming down his face, mainly because he was angry at Blaine.

The look on Kurt's face was killing Blaine on the inside. "You're right, I should have tried harder and I wanted to, but there was this teacher and-"

"I don't want to hear excuses! You could have stopped everything but now Karofsky's going to out Finn and I together and now Finn will want nothing to do with me!" Kurt cried, walking over to Blaine all wobbly.

Blaine noticed, "Kurt maybe you should sit down." Blaine put his hands on Kurt's shoulders to steady him, but Kurt smacked them away.

"Don't touch me! I've had enough of people touching me today." Kurt was pissed off. "It's all your fault Blaine! My life has become shit now because of you!"

"Kurt I tried-"

"Well you didn't try hard enough!" Kurt broke down and cried right then and there. It was too painful for him to stand so he dropped to the floor and cried. Blaine crouched down and tried to give Kurt a gentle touch on the shoulder, but he pushed himself against the wall, away from Blaine. "Don't touch me." Kurt sniveled.

That is when something inside Blaine snapped. He stood up. "That's it, I'm going to find Karofsky and have him get acquainted with my fists." He adjusted his own satchel and was about to leave when Kurt grabbed Blaine's ankle out of nowhere.

"What are you doing?" Kurt questioned softly, his breathing becoming heavier and more frequent.

"I'm going to beat up Karofsky for you." Blaine moved his leg and got it out of Kurt's weak grip. "That douchebag deserves it after what he did to you."

Blaine was about to exit through the open door of the boy's bathroom when Kurt shouted "No!" This got Blaine's attention and he stopped, allowing the door to shut. "Don't do it, he'll kill you." Kurt continued to breathe, feeling weak.

"Well what do you want me to do Kurt?" Blaine shouted so loud and angrily that it startled Kurt a little bit. He walked back over to the boy sitting on the floor. "Do you want me to defend you? Or you don't want me to defend you? What do you want Kurt? If you want me to leave you alone forever, I'll do it. Just say the word, but it's obvious you don't mean it if you're going to complain about me not being for there for you when you want it. Do you just want me at your own convenience? Well I'm not a mind reader Kurt. I don't know when you want me to show up and when you don't. So what is it Kurt? What do you want from me?" Blaine yelled his entire speech and Kurt's eyes were wide. He honestly did not know what he wanted from Blaine overall, but he knew what he wanted of him at that moment.

"I want-" Kurt was getting out of breath and his eyes were half open. Blaine stared at Kurt irritated. He folded his arms and hardened his glare until Kurt eyes silently started spilling teardrops again. That made Blaine's gaze soften. "I want you to…" Kurt paused trying to catch his breath and open his eyes but the dizziness in his head was strong.

Blaine noticed this and he began to freak out a little, "Kurt?" He got down on his knees and examined the blood all over the place. He wounds would not stop bleeding. Thinking quickly Blaine took off his sweater vest and used it to wrap Kurt's arm tightly. He looked at Kurt's face. He could tell Kurt was fading fast. "No, come on Kurt stay with me." Blaine tapped Kurt's face a few times and his eyes barely opened. "Oh good, you're still with me." Blaine smiled, but it went away as Kurt started sliding down sideways, eyes closed. "No, no, no!" Blaine repeated and lifted Kurt back into an upright position. "Hold on Kurt, I'm going to get help." Blaine told him once Kurt's eyes were slightly open again."No." Kurt softly whispered to Blaine.

"What do you want me to do?" Blaine whispered back, fighting the tears that wanted to drip out of his eyes.

"Stay with me." Kurt breathed before he faded out of consciousness again. He could no longer support himself in an upright position and he started sliding down, but Blaine wrapped his arms around him, keeping him sitting up.

"Kurt?" Blaine questioned, even though he knew it was no good. "Kurt!" He shouted, no longer able to withhold his tears. Kurt was unconscious and unable to move or speak. Blaine sobbed hard as he held Kurt close to his body. "Oh God, not another death." He murmured before crying out loudly, "Oh God help! Somebody help me!" Blaine shouted over and over again hoping that someone would come into the boy's bathroom and get some help, but all Blaine got in response was the bell ringing; telling students that second period had started.


	23. Chapter 23

**Okay, I couldn't sleep so I decided to write a chapter. Granted, it is really early in the morning so hopefully there are no mistakes...**

**Warnings: Lots of bad language like f-bombs...lots of them...if bad language offends you, skip this chapter. **

**Trigger warnings: This mentions what Kurt did in the last chapter so if just talking about self-harm triggers you, skip this chapter as well.**

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Ch.23

Blaine yelled for about five minutes without hearing any responses reply back to him. His voice was getting hoarse from all the screaming and he eventually needed to stop and breathe in. Blaine could not believe that no one was around to hear him through the boy's bathroom door. He knew he was loud enough. He assumed people were ignoring his call because nobody ever wants to get involved in a crisis situation. "Cowards. This town is full of cowards." He muttered as he briefly left Kurt's side for a moment and walked over to Kurt's satchel. Blaine knew it was not customary to look through peoples things without permission, but he decided that because it was an emergency, it would be okay.

Blaine got to Kurt's belongings hoping he had tape or something to secure the blood soaked sweater vest wrapped around Kurt's forearm. As he walked over a small, shiny object caught his eye. Blaine crouched down and picked up something he could not believe Kurt had. It was a small, grey, and metal razorblade. Blaine was in denial when he saw this item with Kurt's things. It had to be someone else's. Someone who just happened to have left it there and Kurt managed to pick it up. After all, Kurt's arm was covered in so much blood; Blaine could not tell if it was all cuts or something else.

Blaine kept trying to convince himself of these ideas, but the harder he tried, the more he knew Kurt's wounds were self-inflicted. Blaine cried right there in the open space of the bathroom. Standing up, he forcefully threw the razorblade into the garbage from where he stood. Blaine felt useless and awful about himself. Kurt was right, if he had continued his pursuit and ignored his teacher, he could have possibly stopped everything from happening. Karofsky would not have violated Kurt, which would never have caused Kurt to cut himself, or at least, not cut himself as much and Blaine would not be taking care of a bleeding Kurt. Blaine began to sob harder and louder, getting the idea that Kurt could have been cutting himself for longer than at that moment.

Blaine ran his hands through his gelled locks, messing up his clean-cut appearance. He was beginning to look like a mad man with messed up hair, blood stained hands, and red, puffy, and tear stained eyes. Blaine let out a long scream before punching the wall, hurting his hand, but he did not care about the pain. It was nothing compared to what Kurt was most likely going through. Because of this fact Blaine punched the wall a few more times as tears streamed down his face. "Why. Is. Nobody. Helping?" He grunted with every punch. He was only causing damage to himself and not the wall, or Karofsky, which was the person who Blaine was thinking about. Blaine shouted one more time as he kicked the lone stall in the bathroom, once again not leaving anything but a scuff mark.

Blaine tried to calm himself down by putting his hands on the back of his neck, breathing deeply, and counting to ten. It was working for a brief moment until the door to the boy's bathroom suddenly swung open. Quickly, Blaine turned to see who it was, hopeful that it was someone coming to help, but his smile quickly turned into a glare when he saw who walked through the door.

"Ugh, I can't believe I'm going to have to wear my gym clothes all day now. Stupid fag, puking on me. Just wait till I see him again." It was Karofsky, muttering to himself. He was too busy washing his hands to notice either Kurt or Blaine.

Blaine on the other hand was feeling enraged as he watched Karofsky finish up. Blaine clenched his fists and his nostrils flared. Karofsky turned to go to the paper towels, but was stopped by Blaine. Blaine's gazed startled Karofsky briefly, but he played it off as if he was not scared of Blaine. "Move out of my way freak." He said forcefully, cracking his wet knuckles, trying to intimidate him, but it obviously was not working. Blaine continued to glare at Karofsky a soul shattering stare. "Dude, you're freaking me out,stop." Karofsky was confused and tried to move past Blaine, but he blocked his path once again. "What the hell man?" Karofsky managed to turn slightly to notice Kurt lying on the ground motionless. "What the-"

"You see what you did there?" Blaine growled, "Look what you did. This is all your fault you know."

"I didn't do shit." Karofsky said slightly uncomfortable. "So what if Hummel is gay and emo? That's his problem." Karofsky was about to walk away but Blaine would not let that happen.

Blaine, full of anger, grabbed the fabric of Karofsky's shirt by his shoulders and shoved him all the way to a wall, slamming Karofsky's back hard. Karofsky screamed in pain. "Ow! Dude, what the hell?"

"Listen! I'm not your dude so stop calling me that! My name is Blaine. Blaine fucking Anderson! And I know exactly what you did to Kurt over there, so give me one good reason why I shouldn't beat the shit out of you right now?" Blaine snarled full of fury. He wanted nothing more than to beat Karofsky into a bloody mass, but then he would end up being the bully and he did not want to be remotely associated with the likes of the boy he had in his grasp.

"Fuck, I didn't do anything!" Blaine slammed Karofsky against the wall once again. "Ow! What the-"

"Stop fucking lying!" Blaine shouted and slammed Karofsky's back again.

"Ow! I'm not lying!" Karofsky stood by his story but Blaine knew better from Kurt's confession.

"Yes you are! Don't you realize I can report you for what you've done to Kurt? You could go to jail!" Blaine threatened.

Karofsky laughed, "Stupid Blaine, you know how this town works by now. No one is going to believe you."

Blaine looked down for a second. That might have been true, but he also knew about how homophobic the town was as well. "Maybe, but you should also know how this town works by now David." Blaine smirked, using Karofsky's first name. "Just the accusation will cause some rumors to flood around town. How would your football buddies feel if they heard someone claim you had sex with a boy and that you forced him to do it?" Blaine's voice increased for the last five words, hoping it would get into Karofsky's head.

It seemed to have work, for Karofsky swallowed nervously. "So what are you going to do? Kurt's most likely dead by now. What are you going to do, get revenge? Why do you care about this guy anyway? He's gay!"

"Well so am I!" Blaine growled. "And if that's an issue, then you better kill me too."

"I didn't kill anyone! Hummel killed himself." Karofsky told Blaine as if it was a fact.

Blaine glared harder at him. "Because of you."

"Fine!" Karofsky gave up, getting annoyed, "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to call the hospital and tell them that it's your fault a student is badly injured. Tell them our location and to look for me, the only person who seems to care about Kurt in this town it seems. If they don't come get him, tell them that I'm going to go there myself with Kurt. And no matter what, you're coming with us to say that this is your fault." Blaine told Karofsky, realizing he could have pulled out his cell phone at any given time, but this tragedy caused him not to think well.

"Hell no! I'm not saying anything!" Karofsky shouted, eventually breaking free from Blaine's grasp.

Karofsky was about to leave when Blaine said, "Fine, I guess I'll just let the gay rumors fly around."

"You do that and I'll tell everyone that you're gay." Karofsky turned around and stated sternly to Blaine.

"Well I am. My parents already know and I can easily defend myself from you idiotic thugs so I think I'll be able to handle it better than you." Blaine smirked. "Now call!" He demanded.

Karofsky grumbled, "Whatever." He said pulling his cell phone from his pocket.

Blaine sighed in relief and walked back to Kurt and sat down beside him as Karofsky made the call. He sort of did what Blaine told him to do. He said it was supposedly his fault even though the wounds on Kurt were self-inflicted, and he made it very clear that it was a gay student who was injured, which worried Blaine because that could mean that the ambulance might not get to the school fast enough because it was a suicidal gay student, meaning if they did not show up in at least ten minutes, Blaine was going to have to go to the hospital himself even though he did not drive. Blaine decided to hold Kurt in his arms and checked that his bleeding was slowing down as Karofsky finished. "Happy?" Karofsky asked annoyed.

Blaine glared at him and he wrapped up Kurt's arm again with the now reddish-brown stained sweater vest. "Just peachy." Karofsky and Blaine exchanged stares of hatred at one another until they heard an ambulance outside of the school.


	24. Chapter 24

**Okay, big warnings in this long chapter, however, I don't want to give anything away. All I'll say is that it's really dark and some secrets are revealed. This is rated M for a reason. Hopefully you guys will like it though. Thanks to all the follows, favorites and reviews you guys have given me, it's really encouraging, so thank you, seriously from the bottom of my heart!**

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Ch. 24

There was a faint beeping resonating inside Kurt's head. It started off soft and it was in a slow, steady rhythm, but slowly, it grew louder and louder until Kurt could not take the noise anymore. What began as a world surrounded in pitch darkness, slowly faded to blinding white. Kurt could hear his name slightly fuzzy sounding in the distance. He could feel his heavy eyelids open and a room came into focus and the voice became clearer. For the first time in about an hour and a half, Kurt had opened his eyes and steadied his breathing.

"Kurt, you're alive!" Blaine was in baffled by this miracle and he stood up from his chair, walking closer to Kurt, who was lying in a hospital bed. Blaine had a hand covering his mouth in astonishment, "I can't believe it, I thought you would…I thought you were…" Blaine did not even know what to say. He was in shock but ecstatic all at the same time. He could not help but have a smile on his face as he fought back tears of joy. "I can't believe it." He repeated.

Kurt on the other hand had the opposite expression on his face. He looked around the area, realizing that he was in a hospital room and that the beeping was coming from a heart rate monitor next to his bed. It was a different room compared to the one he stayed at not too long ago though. The difference was that there was a big, clear and shatter proof window showing the busy hallway of the hospital. A male nurse was standing behind the window in the hallway, keeping an eye on Kurt and writing things down on a clipboard full of paper every once in a while. "Where am I?" Kurt questioned even though he already he knew he was in the hospital. He just had to make sure of it.

When Blaine confirmed that he was indeed in the hospital, Kurt began to freak out.

"Do my parents know?" Kurt asked, lips trembling. "Does my father know I'm here?"

Blaine nodded looking slightly confused, "Yeah, once you were emitted the hospital got a hold of your file and called your parents because you're a minor." Blaine said as if it was obvious.

Kurt started shaking. "No, no, no." He repeated and held his head in his hands. That is when he noticed the IV's of fluids like blood being pumped into his properly bandaged arm. "I ca-can't be here." He stuttered, body quivering. "I need to get out of here before he sees me." Quickly, Kurt began tugging at the tubes that were putting fluids in his veins. He was struggling because of the pulse reader attached to pointer finger.

"What are you doing?" Blaine questioned, feeling more confused than before, as he watched Kurt take off his pulse reader and then continue to try to pull out the tubes in his inner arm. "Kurt stop!" Blaine quickly held Kurt's hands and squeezed them tightly.

Kurt flailed his arms about, trying to release them from Blaine's grasp. "Blaine, let go!"

"No," Blaine told him sternly, "not until you tell me what's going on with you."

"Please, Blaine." Kurt begged, tears starting to form in his eyes. "I've got to get out of here before my dad finds me."

"Why?" Blaine asked, "Is he part of the reason you wanted to kill yourself?"

"What?" Kurt was puzzled by what Blaine had asked. He stopped moving and Blaine decided it was okay to let go of his hands. Kurt let his arms fall towards his left side, where all the machines checking his vital signs were. Blaine was about to grab his hands again, because of where Kurt let them land, but Kurt was frozen. Only his eyes were moving, and they were staring at the male nurse who was standing behind the window. He looked as though he was about to reach for the door of Kurt's hospital room and intervene, but he was hesitant because Blaine appeared to have the situation somewhat under control.

Kurt made a motion with his head toward the male nurse and asked, "Is that what they think? That I tried to kill myself?" He barely whispered.

Blaine looked to the floor. "That's what we all think." After a moment of silence, Blaine walked over to the chair in the white room and dragged it closer to Kurt's bed. Blaine sighed and rubbed the back of his neck before speaking again. "Kurt, I found a razorblade with your things." Kurt's eyes widen when Blaine informed him of this news. "I should have known sooner that you were doing this to yourself, I mean I've seen marks on your arm before, and yet I kept telling myself that it had to be other things. Things that the bullies did to you, because I've seen things and-" Blaine paused, choking on his words, "felt things that bullies have done to me in the past. Terrible, awful things. I've even seen them k-" Blaine could not speak anymore, he was crying into his hands, something he had been doing a lot lately.

Kurt remembered that Blaine said that he had been bullied before, hence why he took up boxing, but for some reason Kurt was sympathizing with him. Kurt was confused as to why. After all he thoroughly disliked Blaine for always butting into his business even though a part of him secretly liked it at the same time. Kurt just wanted someone to care for him and he then realized that Blaine was someone who really did care for him. However, this was confusing, because Blaine did not know Kurt. He was just the new student who found him in the dumpster one day, but maybe that was enough for Blaine to connect with Kurt.

Kurt thought back to the first couple of times he had been with Blaine. He was always concerned about all of Kurt's bruises and marks. Blaine even took him home one time and treated his injuries after a vicious attack from the football team. Finn might have apologized, but he never helped Kurt with his injuries before, he only helped caused them. Kurt might not have wanted Blaine's help before in the past, but as he thought about it, he was really grateful to have Blaine around, and at that moment, Blaine needed someone to be there for him. So Kurt decided to momentarily forget about his own worries and focus on his. "Blaine?"

Blaine looked up at the sound of his name, tears streaming down on his cheeks. Kurt did not like the look on his face and it was making him sad. Kurt fought back his own tears as he spoke, "Just so you know, I didn't want to kill myself, at least, not really. I just felt like I needed to punish myself."

"But you've gone through so much punishment already." Blaine told him.

Kurt nodded, "I know, but at the same time, I just feel like my whole life is a mess and bad things always happen to me and others around me so I had to punish myself. The only reason I cut myself so badly was because the pain was no longer working, or at least, the pain I could give myself, which was weird because one of the reasons I liked cutting myself so much was because I was in control of something in my life. I could control how much pain I would give myself. It wasn't a surprise like when someone beats the shit out of me. I don't know, I was just sick of everything, and cutting was making things feel better. I know it probably doesn't make sense to you, but it makes sense to me in a screwed up sort of way."

Another silence filled the room. Kurt eventually sighed, believing that Blaine was disappointed in him because his eyes were fixated on the floor. "You don't understand I guess."

"No, I actually do." Blaine responded which confused Kurt. "In fact I understand you more than you know."

Kurt leaned closer to Blaine and whispered, "Have you done it before? Cutting?"

Blaine looked up and shut his eyes for a moment, releasing more tears. "No." He said after he opened his eyes again. "But I almost did, in a suicide attempt."

Kurt's eyes widen when Blaine informed him of this. "You-You tri-tried to what?" Kurt had a hard time trying to get the words out of his mouth.

Blaine nodded sadly. "I didn't really want to, but life was getting so difficult and Sam was no longer around to help me."

"Sam?" Kurt questioned, unsure of whom Blaine was talking about. As soon as Kurt spoke of this person's name, Blaine sobbed harder, resting his forehead in his hand. "If you don't want to talk about it you-"

"No," Blaine sniffled, "I should probably tell you about him. After all, he's the reason I've been trying to protect you. And even though I couldn't do that right, I at least owe you an explanation as to why I tried."

"Blaine-" Kurt wanted to speak, but Blaine raised a hand up, signaling him to stop.

"No, it's okay, I can do it." He interrupted. Blaine wiped his eyes before he cleared his throat and continued to speak. "Sam Evans was a boy I cared very deeply about. He was my first crush, my first love. God, I loved him so much." Blaine paused as he let out a faint smile, remembering him. "It was my sophomore year at my old school."

"But wait, didn't you say that you were a sophomore now?" Kurt questioned, remembering this clearly.

"Let me finish." Blaine told him. Kurt apologized for interrupting and let Blaine continue. "We were friends for a while and I never thought that he liked me in that way, but not knowing was killing me on the inside, so when my school had a Sadie Hawkins dance I decided to ask him out. No one knew I was gay at the time and nobody ever came out in my school so I didn't know how the reaction of the school would be, nor did Sam, who agreed to go with me.

At first it seemed like nobody cared and I danced the night away with him to every song the DJ played. I was so blinded by love that I did not notice the stares some of the jocks were giving us. It only got worse when Sam kissed me during the last song. It was barely a second long, just a brush on the lips." Blaine paused to wipe his eyes again, but the tears kept flooding out. "Obviously the jocks got even more pissed when they saw that, and they decided to show their hatred.

While Sam and I were waiting for his dad to pick us up in the parking lot, the jocks jumped us. They knocked the wind out of us, picked us up, and carried us to the boy's locker room. They held Sam as they ripped off my clothes before pinning me to the ground. Sam tried to break away and help me, but couldn't. He was yelling at the top of his lungs, but nobody heard him, or bothered to care, so as they pinned me down, took out a knife, and carved the word 'FAGGOT' into my back as they called me other homophobic slurs, talked about how dirty and disgusting we were, and how Sam was going to get a much worse punishment."

Blaine paused again to let the tears fall from him eyes. He had Kurt crying too. He was intensely listening. "I never felt so much pain in my life. I was screaming, as was Sam, and the jocks were laughing at us. When they finished with me, I was in so much pain I could not move. I just stayed on the floor, and I watched as they destroyed the boy I loved."

"Destroyed?" Kurt questioned, "As in-"

Blaine nodded, "One of the jocks found the baseball equipment and he took out a bat and beat Sam to death." Blaine sniffled. "He didn't stand a chance against him as the others held him in place." Blaine tightly shut his eyes again and he cried harder. "And I couldn't save him. I was just uselessly lying on the ground. I saw the whole thing and they were about to beat me with the bats too, but Sam's dad heard my screaming and crying inside the locker room and found me and his dead son. He took us to the hospital, but Sam was gone." Blaine sighed, "He's nothing more than a memory now. And because of his death and my assault, his parents and mine fought to get those guys in jail."

"And?" Kurt asked desperately, hoping for good news.

"All were expelled, but the judge at the hearing gave them a weak sentence. So they will age out of juvenile hall and then find me, I just know it. It haunts me to this day." Blaine's hands started shaking. "I was so afraid to go back to that school, especially with everyone hating me for what I did. Expelling star quarterbacks and loving boyfriends, so I stopped going as often, hence why I had to repeat my sophomore year." Blaine's whole body was shaking at that point. "I was so scared that I thought about killing myself, slitting my wrist and just get it over with, but I couldn't." Blaine paused, "I had to live on, for Sam's sake.

Because I decided to miss school so much, I took up self-defense classes and boxing so when I returned I'd be prepared to take on anyone who tried to bully or hurt me. However, my mother did not think it was a good idea to stay in Westerville, especially with the parents of those boys threatening my family, so we moved to Lima and I started a new school to try to get my mind off of my problems, but it doesn't work." Blaine then looked over into Kurt's tearful eyes with his own. "And then I met you, and I was worried that you would end up like Sam, so I tried to help you."

"Is all of this true?" Kurt barely whispered.

Blaine let out a laugh, "Seems too good to be true, huh?" He said standing up. "Well I assure you," He paused to turn around, back towards Kurt, "This is a true story." With that Blaine began to unbutton his white, short sleeved shirt.

Kurt gasped when Blaine took off his shirt. There, in the middle of his muscular, defined back were deep scars in the shape of the letters F-A-G-G-O-T going horizontally across. Kurt was in shock and suddenly deep down felt awful about how he had treated Blaine in the past. "I'm sorry." He said softly.

Blaine nodded before putting his shirt back on. "Now you see why I tried to protect you."

"Visiting hours are over." The male nurse barged into the room after what he saw. When someone starts taking clothes off and were not a patient, it was time for them to go.

"Uh, please, can Blaine stay?" Kurt asked. "I'd feel better if he was in the room."

The nurse gave Blaine a strange look up and down when his clothes were back on. "Fine, but only until one of your parents show up. We left a message, so at any moment they could be here." The nurse stated flatly, pointing at the two and left to stand guard of the room once more.

Kurt bit his bottom lip, being reminded that his parents were on their way. He just knew bad things could only happen from that.


	25. Chapter 25

**Okay, now that school's done I should have more time to write, right? Wrong! I got a job right away so now, I have that to consume all my time, but I will find times to update for you guys! Even if it's at random times in the morning. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Warning: Language, mentions of self-harm**

**Hopefully this chapter's good, I wrote it at like 3AM haha. And thank you to everyone who supports this story! Much love.**

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Ch. 25

Both Kurt and Blaine sat in the hospital room in silence for a long time. Kurt did not really know what to say after a story like that, and after that explanation and display of hatred on his back, Blaine did not really feel like talking any more. On top of Blaine's story settling into Kurt's mind, Kurt also had to worry about his parents showing up, which would be at any minute.

He stared at Blaine who was looking to the floor, contemplating something. Blaine's eyes were still glossy with tears from all the crying he had done earlier. Kurt was also still sniffling from time to time, for Blaine's story deeply sadden him. He could not believe something like that could happen to a person like Blaine. Nice, protective Blaine.

"I think I've overstayed my welcome." Blaine eventually stated, bringing Kurt's mind back into reality.

Blaine stood up, about to move towards the door when Kurt shouted, "Wait!" Blaine did as Kurt said. He stepped back from the path towards the door and turned around to face Kurt. Kurt was suddenly taken at back, not expecting Blaine to stop. They stared at each other for a long period of time.

Kurt looked deeply into Blaine's sad eyes. It was obvious that retelling the story about what had happened to him and Sam was painful for him to share. "I'm sorry." Kurt breathed.

Blaine let out a laugh, "Why? Why are you sorry? Is it because you pity me now?"

Kurt shrugged, "I don't know what else to feel. Your life may be different than mine, but at the same time, it's not." Kurt looked down to his free fingers, considering he took off his pulse reader earlier. They were fidgeting as he softly spoke. "I did not mean to offend you."

"No," Blaine sighed, "It's okay. After all I'd pity myself too."

Kurt let out a small chuckle, "And now I feel like an asshole because I've treated you so badly. You meant well, I was just stubborn and thought that I could handle everything because I was dealing with everything by myself for so long."

"Kurt, don't start blaming yourself, okay? You didn't know my story." Blaine reassured. "It's no surprise you thought I was some creepy, perverted stalker. I should have explained myself better when I noticed the bullying trouble get really bad, like when I found you in that closet."

Kurt froze, remembering that sexual encounter with Finn in that janitor's closet. He remembered how much it hurt, how he wanted Finn to stop, and how Finn would not listen to him. All Finn wanted was his own sexual satisfaction and then he left Kurt there to suffer, until Blaine found him and helped him. Nice, protective Blaine.

Kurt remembered how Blaine rescued him, but those thoughts were overpowered by thoughts of what happened in the locker room with Karofsky. He remembered what Karofsky did to him and what happened afterward. It was the reason he was in the hospital after all. Kurt thought his and Finn's lives would be over because Karofsky said he would go around the school, outing them as a couple, even though they were technically broken up. It would still hurt Kurt when Finn would deny it all and would begin to beat him senselessly for letting that information get into the wrong hands. Kurt just knew he would behave this way because when rumors spread around Lima about someone being gay, whether they are true or not, everyone finds out about it and makes their own opinions. If people even thought that Finn was gay, it could ruin him, ruin his family.

And that is when Kurt thought about his father and how he handled finding out that he was gay. He still had some bruises and marks reminding him of that day he 'fell down the stairs.' The new rumor would be that Burt had a suicidal child, and considering that Burt reacted badly when he saw Kurt kissing Finn, Kurt worried about how he would handle this information. It terrified him and his body began to shake, especially his hands.

"Kurt?" Blaine questioned as Kurt shut his eyes, still shaking. Kurt was wishing that he could disappear, or teleport to New York, a place he had always thought to be as safe, away from his father. "Kurt?" Blaine repeated worried as he got beside Kurt's bed. Kurt still did not respond. His thoughts were getting the better of him and New York no longer seemed like a utopia because Burt was still alive, because he was still alive. Blaine could tell something was wrong as Kurt just continued to shake and tremble as he closed his eyes tighter. Slowly, a tear dripped out of the corner of his eye and Blaine knew he had to act fast. "Kurt, stop." Blaine stated as calmly as he could. He sat down, and then interlocked his fingers with Kurt's.

Almost instantly, Kurt stopped shaking and opened his eyes, for the touch caught him off guard. It was unexpected and he stared right into Blaine's eyes. It was the first time Kurt really noticed the color of them, a mesh of green and amber. Kurt could not help but stare into the beautiful orbs. They were somehow making him feel relaxed and more stable. When Kurt completely stopped trembling, Blaine softly smiled. "It's okay," he whispered, "I'm here. Even though I don't do a good job of it, I'm here to protect you."

Kurt was then suddenly brought back to the first day they met. Kurt always thought Blaine looked like a classic movie star, with his handsome looks and defined features, but what always got to him, was Blaine's smile. It was always warm and inviting. "No, it's okay. You do a good job." Kurt reassured, a part of him liking the hand holding. Blaine laughed, not really believing what Kurt had told him. "I mean it." Kurt told him. "I don't know if I've told you this, because a part of me kind of found you annoying, but deep down I really appreciated your care." Kurt smiled.

Blaine bashfully smiled back, rubbing the back of his neck. "I kind of guessed that when you wanted me around in the bathroom that you like my company at least a little bit."

Kurt remembered that he let some of his feelings loose earlier, about how he expected Blaine to show up and be the hero, and how a part of him liked having a hero. After all, all Kurt really wanted was for someone to care about him, to give a damn about his existence, and Blaine provided that. Nice, protective Blaine, unlike Finn. He cared, but not enough to change his whole reputation for him, which at first Kurt thought was reasonable, but the longer he stayed in the hospital bed, the more he began to think clearly.

As Kurt started to wonder what he saw in Finn in the first place, the more he noticed Blaine. He was always there to make his life better, or at least, tried to make it better. Kurt needed a guy like Blaine in his life. As Kurt continued to think about Blaine, he remembered when he took him over his house and admitted that he loved him. Kurt then began to wonder if this was because he reminded Blaine of Sam, because Kurt could not be Sam for Blaine, even if he wanted to. This disheartened Kurt. Just as he was beginning to think he could have a good guy in his life, Kurt remembered the look Blaine got when he thought about Sam. How he lit up. Did Blaine light up when he thought about Kurt, or was he just some kind of obligation?

As Kurt thought, Blaine could tell something was troubling him. "Hey," Blaine whispered, "everything okay?"

"I'm just thinking." Kurt told him truthfully.

"About what?" Blaine asked curiously.

Kurt bit his bottom lip, contemplating whether or not he should talk about it. What if Blaine realizes that he is just trying to create another Sam? Would he stop trying to protect Kurt and get out of his life? "Um," Kurt replied nervously, "remember a long time ago when you said that you loved me?"

Blaine's eyes widen, surprised Kurt remembered that. He actually appeared to be kind of embarrassed and he chuckled, hand on the back of his neck. "Yeah." Kurt could not really tell, but he thought he saw Blaine blushing.

"Well, what did you mean by it, because I can't be Sam for you." Kurt spoke in a rush, feeling odd after doing so, but he had to find out before his own feelings escalated any further.

Blaine smiled softly. "I'm not asking you to be." Kurt was confused and Blaine chuckled. "I will admit, you remind me a lot of Sam. You're both sweet and stubborn, but you're different than him. You're gentle, and yet you're so strong, stronger than you know emotionally."

Kurt shook his head smiling, "Oh no, I just know how to hide it well."

"You're also honest." Blaine added. "I like that, even if it is rather blunt at times." He laughed. Kurt bit his bottom lip. This was not entirely true either. "But overall, I really care about you Kurt. I don't just help you because I feel obligated to. I help you because I want to."

"Blaine, we barely know each other." Kurt eventually stated, more worried about this fact once it popped into his mind.

"Well, not to sound like a creep, but we could get to know each other better, especially now that it seems like you don't hate my presence anymore." Blaine chuckled as did Kurt.

"You're cute, I'll give you that." Kurt told him.

"I try." Blaine made Kurt giggle and Kurt saw this as a good sign. He was starting to feel something for Blaine in that hospital room, so it was possible that he could learn to love him too. "So, how do you feel about me?" Blaine asked curiously.

"Well you certainly make me feel something." Kurt told him and Blaine smiled.

"I'll take that for now."

All it took was a brief second. One moment Kurt was laughing with Blaine, and then he blinked and saw his father with Carole shouting at the male nurse outside of his room. Kurt's face suddenly lost all of its color. "What? What's wrong?" Blaine quickly stopped smiling. Blaine turned around and saw Burt shouting at the male nurse who seemed to be overwhelmed. "Are those your parents?" Blaine questioned, but Kurt only responded with a shaky breath. "Kurt?" Blaine still did not get a response so he leaned in closer and softly asked again, "Is he part of the reason you cut yourself?"

Even if Kurt was going to answer Blaine's question, he did not have time to do so because at that moment, the door to Kurt's room nearly got ripped off of its hinges. "Come on Kurt, we're getting you out of here." Burt said sternly.

"Mr. Hummel, Kurt needs to be looked after for at least seventy-two hours for what he did." The male nurse tried to explain, but Burt did not agree.

"Bullshit! My son is fine and I'm taking him home now!" He yelled.

"Sir, I think you should listen to the nurse." Blaine said calmly as he stood up.

Burt turned to see Blaine and gave him a weird stare. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Blaine. I'm a friend of Kurt's." Blaine explained, but Burt just laughed.

"Friend of Kurt's, that's funny. Come on Kurt, get out of that bed, I'm taking you home." Burt told him, but when Kurt shook his head, Burt stopped smiling. "What?" His eyes flared and Kurt got scared.

"Honey, just calm down." Carole tried to relax Burt, but it was not working.

"You stay out of this woman." Burt pointed before turning his attention back to the male nurse. "Now, you either check my son out or your hospital won't like what I will do next." He told him through gritted teeth. "I know my rights and I can refuse treatment for my son because I'm his parent and he's a minor."

The male nurse did not stand a chance. Burt's threat was menacing enough, and considering he was a well-respected man in the small town of Lima, he had the power to ruin the reputation of any building. The male nurse knew this and was afraid of Burt. "I'll go get a doctor." He replied shakily before leaving.

"I'll go get a doctor, bah." Burt mocked as the male nurse ran away. "And you!" He said to Blaine, "Get the hell out of here, this is family business!"

"But sir, I-"

"I said go." Burt interrupted sternly.

"Sir, if you just listen to me I-" Blaine tried to speak again but was interrupted once more.

"Don't make me ask twice." Burt said in a threatening tone.

Blaine was about to stand up to Burt, when he heard Kurt faintly whisper, "Please Blaine, just go."

Blaine huffed, "Okay, fine. This is family matters, but you should know that Kurt has a lot of issues that need to be resolved." He told both Burt and Carole and left the room.

Kurt wanted Blaine to stay, but he knew if his father got his hands on Blaine, he would not stand a chance, no matter how many boxing lessons he took. Kurt just hoped that he would be able to see him again soon.


	26. Chapter 26

**I'm so sorry it took me forever to update. Between work and trying to balance working on three fan fics at the same time is quite a challenge, but I will update for you guys as quickly as I can! Thanks to everyone who reviews, follows, favorites, all of it, really, it makes me feel like I'm actually a decent writer. I appreciate you all!**

**Warnings: Language, and talks about death, harming one's self, and such so if this bothers you or triggers you, skip this chapter. **

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Ch.26

After lots of arguing, yelling, threatening, and a very brief discussion between Kurt and an evaluator in the hospital, Burt and Carole were able to take their son back home to their house. Carole wanted Kurt to stay in the hospital until the doctors were sure he was alright, but Burt was a very powerful man and whatever he wanted had a tendency to happen. As for Kurt, he just did not want to be near his father.

Kurt was panicking on the inside as his parents drove him back to their home. He was still in his blood stained clothes, and he was holding a blood soaked sweater vest that was Blaine's. As Burt and Carole argued during the car ride home, Kurt looked out the window in the backseat, remembering how Blaine helped him out, how he always saved him the best way he possibly could. Nice, protective Blaine. He was always there for him, unlike Finn. Finn did not even show up with his parents to see him in the hospital. Although Kurt did not want to see Finn, for it would only make him depressed, the idea of him being there would have been nice. It would have shown him that Finn cared at least a little bit for him. However, it was obvious Kurt was just Finn's experiment, a plaything. Nothing more, nothing less.

Finn was nothing like Blaine. Blaine was caring. He did not want anything bad to ever happen to Kurt, because he had been through abuse himself. Blaine's first love even died from everything they went through. Blaine wanted Kurt to be truly happy and okay with the fact that he was gay, unlike Finn, who still caused his pain, even when they were together. The more Kurt thought about Blaine, the more he became fond of him and he grew to feel something for Blaine. Kurt was unsure of what the feeling was exactly, but a faint smile crept across Kurt's lips as he thought about Blaine protecting and saving him. He was the reason Kurt was still alive after all, and even though Kurt hated his life, he was beginning to hate it a little bit less now that Blaine was in it.

Suddenly, the sound of thunder snapped Kurt out of his thoughts. He jumped slightly, and looked around, noticing that the car had stopped and that they were at his house. "Hurry up stupid." Burt told his son from outside the car, tapping on the window where Kurt was sitting next to. "It's about to rain, and I need to talk to you." Judging by Burt's face, Kurt knew that he was about to get one of Burt's infamous speeches about how Kurt was nothing and he was an idiot for what he had done. Kurt sighed, got out of the car, grabbed Blaine's sweater vest, and expected bad things to come his way. Besides knowing that he was about to get a serious talk from his father, it was about to rain. Kurt hated the rain.

Kurt walked briskly inside his house before the rain could fall with his parent following behind him. Burt closed the door and was about to yell at Kurt when all of a sudden, Carole wrapped her arms around Kurt. "Oh thank God you're alright! I was so worried when the school called us. They said you tried to kill yourself! Is that true? Or is someone hurting you? And whose sweater vest is that? Please tell me, you never tell me anything!" Carole was talking a mile a minute and was practically begging Kurt for some answers.

Kurt opened his mouth, about to say something when Burt grumbled, "Carole I'll handle this."

"I want Kurt to talk to me." Carole stated firmly, but Burt did not appear to be happy with her tone of voice.

Burt glared at his wife, pulled her away from holding Kurt, spun her around so that she was facing him, and then told her very sternly, "I'll handle Kurt. You wait in our room and I'll tell you about our talk later."

"But-" Carole was about to protest, but Burt had all the power in this conversation.

"Go now!" He shouted, frightening Carole.

"Oh, okay." Carole said timidly and slowly walked upstairs to the master bedroom. She turned back to see her husband with Kurt out in the foyer before opening the door and leaving the two alone.

Once Burt heard the door shut he focused his attention on Kurt. "You. Me. In the Kitchen. Now." He spoke in a staccato.

Kurt followed his orders and slowly made his way to the kitchen. Burt followed closely behind, making sure he was doing as he was told. When Kurt got to the kitchen Burt instructed him to sit down in one of the chairs of the small kitchen table. Kurt sat down and braced himself for whatever he was going to get, whether it was going to be a beating or a verbal lashing. He closed his eyes, thinking that it would help somehow, and gripped the blood stained sweater vest bunched up in his hands tightly.

Kurt was terrified, unsure of what was going to happen to him when he heard something clang against the wooden table he was sitting at. He opened one eye and then the other to see a sharp knife on the table. "Is this how you did it?" Burt questioned. "You used one of your mother's good silverware that she left for us to use on your arm, didn't you?"

"What? No." Kurt stammered. "Never."

"You lying to me?" Burt asked through gritted teeth.

"No, dad, I didn't do anything-" Kurt tried to explain himself but Burt interrupted by slamming his fist down on the table.

"Stop lying to me Kurt! I saw your arms! You were cutting yourself somehow!" Burt shouted. "What's wrong with you Kurt? You want to kill yourself? Think I'm too tough on you? Is that it?"

"Dad…" Kurt's eyes were starting to get watery. This was a bad move on Kurt's part, because it only made his father angrier.

"For God's sake Kurt, be a man!" Burt barked at his son. "Grow up and get tough for crying out loud. Stop being a little faggot and become a man!"

"But dad…" Kurt tried to hold in his tears, but a few spilled out the corner of his eyes and his father got annoyed.

"Oh, so you really want to kill yourself then, huh? Well don't let me stop you." Burt pushed the knife closer to Kurt. "Go ahead, do it." Burt leaned in closer from the opposite end of the table.

Kurt stared at the knife in total shock. Was his father actually encouraging him to do this? Kurt never really wanted to initially kill himself in the first place, he just wanted to hurt himself and now his own father was asking him to end his life.

Kurt did not know what to do. He did not want to die, even if he felt like it a lot. Kurt was actually too scared to even think about ending everything. Hurting himself was one thing, but actually dying terrified him. Besides, there was Blaine. They were just starting to get on friendly terms and Kurt felt like he could be helpful to him. He felt like maybe he could care about him. He wanted to know Blaine better, and he needed to be alive to do that. After thinking about it for a while, Kurt just sat back in his chair ignoring the knife.

"Just like I thought, too much of a pussy to do anything." Burt chuckled and took the knife. "You disappoint me son." Burt put the knife away and then looked back to the kitchen to see that Kurt was still there, sniveling. "Now, get out of my sight. I'm sick of looking at your pathetic self."

Quickly, Kurt darted to his room in the basement, crying the whole way. He landed face down on his bed and cried as hard as he could. He father wanted him dead, and Kurt was beginning to wonder if being alive was worth it. Deep down he wish he still had Blaine around. He held on to Blaine's sweater vest covered in blood, Kurt's blood. He wished that Blaine was around to talk to him. He just wanted to fee alright and be with someone who cared about him. He also wished that the rain would stop, but unfortunately Kurt could not control anything. He never had any power and he was getting really tired of it.


	27. Chapter 27

**It's been a long time since I've updated this story, so here you go, a new chapter and hopefully it makes sense...Oh and just so you guys know, this story is just to entertain! Okay, I feel like I needed to say that. Thank you to everyone who review and support my stories! I appreciate you all! **

**Warnings: Talks about cutting and suicide so if this triggers you read with caution or skip this chapter.**

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Ch.27

The rain continued to pour outside and thunder started booming as Kurt cried alone in his bed. He held onto the blood stained sweater vest tightly to his chest, partly wishing that it was Blaine that he was holding on to. Kurt wanted someone who cared about him to show up and comfort him. Make him feel better. However, it appeared that nobody of that caliber was going to be there for him.

On top of that, Kurt could hear faint echoes of arguing coming from upstairs. It might have been muffled, but Kurt knew it was Burt and Carole arguing, and he knew that they were arguing about him. That is all they seemed to do whenever they came into contact with each other since they left the hospital. All Kurt did was cause trouble for people around him. Nobody wanted Kurt around, except for maybe Carole, but she was obligated to worry about him once she married Burt, or at least, that is how Kurt felt about the situation. The only person Kurt knew that truly cared about him and wanted to care about him, was nowhere close. All Kurt wanted was to be near Blaine, and for the rain to stop, but he could not do either. All Kurt could do was lie down on his bed and sob into the sweater vest that was covered in his own blood, dried and turning dark on the red material.

As Kurt continued to cry, he heard the door to the basement open. For a brief moment, the arguing got louder and then became muffled again after the door shut. Kurt did not know who was walking down the stairs, but he knew that it could not have been Burt or Carole because they were still yelling at each other. Kurt stopped sobbing and looked towards the stairs. "Blaine?" He whispered softly, hoping it was indeed the boy he could not stop thinking about.

However, when the mystery person became clear and was at the end of the steps, Kurt felt like crying all over again. He glared as his step-brother Finn walked closer to him. Kurt was angry and silent, hot tears began pouring out of the corners of his eyes. Finn slowly slinked his way over to the end of Kurt's bed, feeling awkward.

The two stared at each other for a long time in silence with Finn shuffling his feet and putting his hands into the pockets of his letterman jacket. His eyes would go from the floor to Kurt's face every once in a while, shifting. Kurt did not remove his gaze.

After the long silence, Finn was the first to speak. "Crazy weather we've been having lately, huh?"

"What do you want Finn?" Kurt spat, not in the mood for Finn's stupidity.

Finn shrugged, "I just wanted to check on you."

"You know you could have done that back in the hospital, right?" Kurt told him bitterly.

"I know, and I wanted to considering they gave everyone the rest of the day off after your incident." Finn sounded as if he was ashamed of himself.

"Well, why didn't you?" Even though Kurt was thinking about being done with Finn when he was being driven home, a part of him still wanted Finn to have been there at the hospital. "I'm surprised Carole didn't force you to go with them."

"You see I wanted to go, but Rachel was all freaked out so-"

"Rachel, Rachel, Rachel." Kurt repeated getting madder with each repetition of the word. "She's the only person you care about."

"Well she is my girlfriend Kurt." Finn tried defending his decisions but Kurt merely rolled his eyes and scoffed. Finn became confused with Kurt's actions. "Wait a minute, why are you getting upset with me?"

Kurt could not believe that Finn actually asked that question. "Are you serious?"

"Of course I am!" Finn shouted.

"Jeez, I can't believe I liked you. You're such an idiot." Kurt muttered.

"What did you say?" Finn moved to the side of Kurt's bed and threatened him by raising his fist, but Kurt did not flinch this time.

"Go ahead, punch me. Do what you always do and beat me. That's all you ever did to me anyway." Kurt said right back at Finn, ignoring his threat.

"What are you talking about?" Finn was still confused.

Kurt sighed and decided yelling was the only way to get through to Finn. "Me! You never cared about me ever since we met! You've always hated me and yet I liked you all those years and for nothing because when we did actually get together, you still didn't care about me! All you care about is yourself, but then in comes Rachel and you suddenly are concerned about her more than you ever were to me!"

"That's because we were not dating Kurt, we were never together!" Finn shrugged as if Kurt was overreacting.

"You were experimenting Finn. I was just the fool who when along with it." Kurt cried.

"Now hold on just a moment!" Finn shouted, startling Kurt. "You didn't let me finish." Finn sighed before sitting on the side of the bed. Kurt moved as far away from him as he could without falling out of the bed. Finn looked at Kurt with sad eyes and this confused Kurt greatly. "I'm sorry if I made you think that I didn't care about you, but I did, remember? After I had to beat you up that one day, I checked your injuries. And when I heard that you were in the hospital, I was really scared, but I can't be like you. Otherwise Burt, the school, and this whole town will rip me apart."

"Kind of like what they do to me every day." Kurt responded.

"That's why I worry about you Kurt." Finn explained.

"But you and your goons are part of the problem!" Kurt shouted.

"I know Kurt and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never knew you wanted to kill yourself, but I'll stop the taunting as long as you stop trying to die." Kurt was surprised to see Finn's eyes get watery and let a few tears drip out of them. "I'm so sorry Kurt." Finn truly believed that he was the sole reason Kurt attempted suicide, even though in reality, Kurt did not really want to die, just hurt himself.

Now Kurt was confused with what to do. He always wanted Finn to apologize, but he never expected it to actually happen. "Finn…" Kurt always had a fantasy of what he would do when this would happen, but now Kurt kind of wanted Blaine and Finn had Rachel, even if it was for show. On top of all of this, Kurt knew that Finn would not be feeling so apologetic when Karofsky reveals their big secret and starts spreading the rumors about them soon.

Kurt had a choice to make. Either indulge in the moment and take control, for once, from Finn or tell Finn the truth about what was going to happen to him soon and have him stop caring about him. It was a hard decision to make because Kurt was so sure he was done with Finn and that he had moved on when he thought Finn did not care about him. It was true that Kurt did want to get to know Blaine better, but something always drew him to Finn. Perhaps it was because Finn was Kurt's first crush, his first love, but even Kurt knew what they had was not love. He was not even sure what to call it, but he knew he had to stop it.

"I forgive you." Kurt eventually muttered.

Finn's eyes were wide. "Seriously?" Kurt nodded. Finn smiled happily. "Oh thank you Kurt!" Finn held Kurt's face and kissed his lips, shocking both boys. "Whoa."

There was a brief pause before Finn tried to kiss Kurt again, but Kurt backed away, falling off his bed. Finn was puzzled. "Wait, I thought this is what you wanted? You want me to care about you and be with you right?" Finn asked standing up. He walked over to Kurt and tried to kiss his cheek, but Kurt would not let him. "What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know." Kurt spoke softly.

"You just said you forgave me!" Finn raised his voice.

"But I cannot forget." Kurt responded. Finn gave him a strange look, as if he was both confused and angry. "Finn, our relationship was horrible!"

"I thought it was alright." Finn replied.

"Because it was one-sided!" Kurt shouted. "Blaine said-"

"Blaine? You mean that freak?" Finn questioned.

"He's not a freak!" Kurt defended. "He's my friend and the only person who hasn't hurt me that I can remember."

"Why are you hanging out with him? Your life is only going to get more miserable if you stick by him." Finn tried to explain.

"Actually, he's been trying to make my life better; I've just been an idiot." Kurt muttered that last part.

"Whatever, but just so you know, I won't be able to defend you if you stay around him." Finn told Kurt.

"That's alright. Blaine can defend me just fine." Kurt explained.

Finn huffed and stormed away just as thunder boomed in the sky. Just as Finn shut the basement door, Kurt realized that he forgot to tell Finn about Karofsky and his plan. Kurt sighed as he rolled up his sleeves to stare at his scarred arms. All of that was because of what was about to happen. Kurt felt like cutting again, knowing his life was about to get much worse, but thinking about Blaine saving him was comforting. Kurt decided it was best to not risk death again, by going to sleep and bracing himself for when school started again.


	28. Chapter 28

**There may be errors in this. I'm sorry, but I was a little distracted while writing this. As some of you may or may not know, Cory Monteith died a few hours ago. I hope his soul finds peace because I know he was struggling. I don't know what's going to happen with Glee now, but I will continue to write stories about it. I might not have liked Finn, but Cory was a nice, sweet guy who died way too early. I'm just really sadden by this news...**

**Triggers: Mentioning of past self harm and thoughts about continuing self harm.**

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Ch. 28

The school was closed down only for one day because the hospital called Principle Figgins and stated that Kurt was still alive and that he was no longer a danger to himself and possibly others. However, the hospital did tell Principle Figgins that it was probably a good idea for someone to keep an eye on Kurt when he returned to school.

While the rest of the student body returned shortly after the incident, Carole did not allow Kurt to go back to school for a few days because she wanted to watch him and keep an eye on him herself. This was fine in Kurt's mind, because he was still trying to avoid seeing Karofsky and have him try to drag both Finn and himself down an awkward spiral of rumors and beatings. The beatings would most likely be Kurt's worry because once the rumors spread, Finn would most likely hurt Kurt to prove to Karofsky and the other jocks that he was not gay and Kurt's arms were still sore, so it was probably best that he would wait to have his arms become better before more marks and bruises covered them.

There were three problems with Kurt staying home. The first was all the anxiety it caused him incase Karofsky decided to start accusing Finn of kissing Kurt or possibly more, but luckily for Kurt, Finn showed up back in the house they shared without wanting to kill him, so that was a good sign that Karofsky did not say anything. However, Finn would not talk to Kurt whenever he returned home, so that could have been a bad sign. All of this caused Kurt more stress than he needed in his life.

The second problem was Carole. She became extra nosey and nitpicky in Kurt's life, so even if Kurt wanted to hurt himself, he would not have been able to. Carole was always in his sights, trying to fluff his pillows, and make him comfortable, which in reality was making him uncomfortable, especially when she tried to start conversations with Kurt. She really wanted to know why Kurt had marks on his arm, but as usual, Kurt took her concern as an obligation and not genuine care. After all, she was one of the reasons Kurt used to feel bad about himself in the first place.

The third problem was the arguing. Carole and Burt had been arguing more than ever since Kurt returned from the hospital and it was obvious that they were yelling about Kurt and his wellbeing. Burt would try to convince Carole that Kurt was fine and Carole would shout and argue that he was not until she got tired of arguing or gave up. Kurt hated that he was the reasons he was causing problems at home. Carole was supposed to be the person that would convert Burt back into his old self, but that never seemed to happen because the two would always argue about Kurt. The two did this more than normal since Kurt left the hospital and it would make Kurt sick and uneasy. It also made him want to cut, but he never got a chance to do so because shortly after he would get his razor, Carole would appear and Kurt would have to come up with some excuse as to why he was inspecting his razor.

After having to be stuck at home for three days, Carole allowed Kurt to go back to school simply because she was going nowhere with him. Kurt would not really talk during their conversations and he would not give her any answers she desperately wanted. Kurt would not talk to her mostly due to fear. Fear of what she would think of him, and fear of what would happen if Burt found out if he was actually cutting himself. After all, Burt already thought that Kurt tried to kill himself once and handed him a knife to try to help him finish the job. What would happen if Carole found out he was harming himself? Most likely send him back to the hospital, which would not have been and entirely bad thing, but a part of Kurt really wanted to go back to school to see one person.

Blaine was the only positive thing about school. Ever since they had their break through at the hospital, Kurt finally considered Blaine to be a friend of his. After all, he was the only person he remembered saying that they loved him in a really long time and meant it.

Kurt missed having someone love him. While driving to school, he was distracted and almost drove into a fire hydrant because he was thinking of his mother. How sweet and soft her voice was, how gentle and patient she was with Kurt, and how caring she was. As Kurt drove, he knew that the only person who showed him anything similar was Blaine. And while Kurt was terrified about returning to school, he wanted to be around Blaine, return the blood soaked sweater vest, and apologize to him and get to know him better.

When Kurt pulled up to his usual spot in the parking lot, he stayed in his car for quite some time. He wanted to go in and find Blaine, but at the same time, he did not want to run into Karofsky and the other jocks. Kurt did not know what to do, but he knew he could not avoid the situation forever. However, he was going to wait as long as he possibly could before entering the school.

As Kurt sat in his car, thunder boomed and small droplets of water began to fall from the sky. Kurt let out an aggravated sigh. He always hated rain. Kurt wanted to turn back because it was raining and he took it as a bad sign that he should not go to school that day. However, it was raining a lot that month, maybe it was not some supernatural sign. Kurt continued to debate in his head whether or not he should leave the car or not. After a few minutes, Kurt was about to turn on his car and drive away, when he heard a knock on his window.

Kurt quickly turned to see a familiar pair of amber, green eyes and a bright smile. Suddenly, Kurt was put at ease. "Hey, are you coming back to school today?" It was muffled, but Kurt could understand Blaine's question.

Kurt opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but remained quiet.

"Come on, school's about to start and the rain's going to only get worse the longer you wait." Blaine told him.

This was all true and Kurt did not was to get caught in the rain, he did not care if he was late however. Slowly, Kurt opened the door, and Blaine grinned wider. Kurt stood in front of Blaine and once they were face to face Blaine pulled him into a tight hug. "It's nice to see you're alright." Blaine mentioned after holding Kurt for a while. He let go of Kurt before sheepishly admitting "I was worried about you."

"Really?" Kurt naturally blurted out, unable to stop himself.

"Yeah, I don't know where you live or what your number is. I had no idea how you were so I was worried." Kurt's eyes widen, confusing Blaine. "Is that okay? I mean we are friends right? And that's what friends do; they worry about each other, right?"

It took Kurt a while to respond. After all he never really had any friends before. The closest thing he had to a friend in the past was his mother. "Right." He answered trying to smile, but he could not.

"What's wrong?" Blaine questioned.

"It's just…" Kurt started but did not know what to say. He had never told Blaine the situation that pushed him over the edge. Blaine only knew that he was getting beat up for his sexual orientation and the Finn situation, but not what happened with him and Karofsky. "It's complicated."

"You're afraid to go back in there, huh?" Blaine questioned as rain started to fall heavier upon them. Kurt nodded, really wanting to get out of the rain.

Blaine gave Kurt a small smile before slowly moving his hand and lacing it with Kurt's. "Is this okay?"

Kurt nodded again, starting to feel butterflies in his stomach from his touch. Kurt did not know why it was happening, but he did not feel like questioning it. He assumed it was because he was nervous about going back to school. "Come on," Blaine said, leading Kurt to the double doors. "We'll do this together."

Kurt nodded a third time and decided to follow Blaine inside the school, ignoring the jitters and nerves he was experiencing and tried to relax. Blaine looked at Kurt and rubbed his thumb against the flesh of his hand. "Don't worry," he whispered, "I've got you."


	29. Chapter 29

**First and foremost, I apologize for not updating sooner, but I've been going through a lot and even I know this story is really depressing and should not be read or worked on if one is in a bad state so I thought it was best to avoid it for a while. However, while avoiding this story, I honestly felt so uninspired for this story of mine, that after a while I avoided this story because I got sick of it. I do know however that lots of people like this story and would be sad if I deleted it so I won't. However, until I feel inspired and/or feel love for this story again, updates may take a while...**

**Trigger warnings: This chapter deals with the discussion of cutting and self harm. If this triggers you, well you probably stopped reading the story, but I feel like I should give out warnings anyway... **

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Ch. 29

Those few steps Kurt took to enter William McKinley high school echoed in his ears, because the second Kurt entered the building, every student stopped what they were doing and stared at Kurt. This normally happened when Kurt entered a room with students from his school, but usually the students would be whispering about him. However, this time, complete silence filled the hallway as Kurt barely inched through the double doors. He felt panicked and his heart thumped quickly. He started to have a hard time breathing as his chest constricted.

Blaine looked over to him and saw the worry in his eyes. "I think I'm going to throw up." Kurt muttered and he even gulped down what he thought was vomit coming up in his throat.

"Hey, listen to me." Blaine said in a very soft, comforting voice, trying to sooth Kurt. "You've got to face the bullies someday."

"Can't I just go home? I'll come back another day." Kurt began to turn around. "I'll do this another day."

Kurt tried to run away, however Blaine was still holding his hand. Blaine tightened his grip, but not enough to hurt Kurt, and pulled him back beside him. Instantly, Kurt's eyes filled with tears and he tried to shake himself out of Blaine's grasp. "No, no, no." He repeated, borderline hysterical. "I can't do this. Let go of me!"

"Kurt." Blaine let go of Kurt's hand, but quickly grabbed the taller boy's shoulders before he could escape. That was when one student started to whisper to another about the two.

"Let go!" Kurt shouted.

"Kurt, I'm your friend. Listen to me." Blaine still tried to ease Kurt with his soft voice, but it wasn't working. Kurt merely tried to rip Blaine's hands off of his shoulders with his own hands.

"I said let go of me!" Kurt shouted again and finally wriggled his way out of Blaine's tight grip. "I told you I'm not ready for this!"

"I know, but when will you be?" Blaine pleaded. More people began to whisper about the two in the hallway. Even some teachers began to stare at them weirdly.

"What are you talking about?" Kurt questioned.

Blaine sighed sadly. It killed him to see Kurt in his state. "Kurt, you missed three days of school, after the hospital gave you the all clear. Now I know you that was all fake and that you really needed some time to heal, so I gave you some time. However, now that you're stable, you can't keep running away. You have to face your bullies someday."

"Well you ran and you seem to be doing pretty okay for yourself." Kurt retaliated. Blaine hung his head low and his eyes began to get teary just as the bell rang for students to get ready to go to class. Kurt was confused.

"I'm not okay Kurt." Blaine told him sadly. "Not a day goes by that I don't miss Sam. All I want to do is get revenge on the guys who scarred me and killed him, but I can't. Fighting back with violence would just cause more violence and possibly more death and I can't bring myself to do that. My story is different."

"Becuase you didn't hurt yourself." Kurt rolled his eyes as he spoke.

"I thought about it though." Blaine reminded him before sighing. "What I'm trying to get through to you is that you can't let the bullies take over your life. I took up boxing just in case those bullies came back to find me and wanted to hurt me. I would have to defend myself."

"But you just said that you had to run because you would beat the crap out of those guys if you saw them again." Kurt was trying to understand what Blaine was trying to say.

"Yes, that's because I don't know how to restrain myself yet, but I'm learning. You're more mild mannered Kurt." Blaine smiled softly, "That's one of the things I love about you." Kurt was taken at back. The L word left Blaine's lips again. It was still strange for him to hear that. "You can go up to the bullies and show them that you're still around and that nothing they can do will affect you."

"But what they do does affect me!" Kurt spoke loudly, hoping it would get into Blaine's head. "It's just like what you said; I don't know how to show restraint yet. I mean, the only reason I haven't cut myself in about three days is because Carole keeps interfering."

Now Blaine was taken at back. "You still want to die?"

"No." Kurt ran a hand through his hair, "I told you before I never wanted to die in the first place, just punish myself."

"That's still not healthy though." Blaine told him.

Kurt shrugged, "Maybe it isn't, but it makes me feel better." Kurt sighed when he saw Blaine's worried face. "I don't know why it does, but it does. After all, every reason I have to cut myself is my fault anyway."

"Don't talk like that." Blaine walked up closer to Kurt, bodies barely touching. Kurt felt his heart race. He was getting nervous again. "I'm sure it's all in your head, and even if it isn't, we can talk about your problems right? That's what friends do. They talk and help each other out."

Kurt backed away a little bit, causing Blaine to sigh in disappointment. "I don't know if I'm ready for all of that."

"You know you can always talk to me." Blaine told him. "I opened up to you."

"Yes, I know, it's just my problems are …" Kurt paused for a while, "complicated."

At that point the bell rang signaling that classes should start. A teacher who had been watching the two from the beginning decided to make a comment before walking away to her classroom. "Hey drama queens! Shut up and get to class." She sneered before leaving to go teach.

"You should go to class." Kurt mumbled, putting his head down, and fidgeting with his sleeve.

"And what about you?" Blaine questioned.

"I'm going to go home. I can't see Karofsky right now." Kurt told him.

"So, you almost killed yourself because of Karofsky? Huh." Blaine inferred and Kurt's eyes widen.

"No, forget I said that." Kurt panicked again. He adjusted his satchel and quickly ran out of the double doors.

Blaine chuckled slightly, but at the same time he felt worried and disappointment for Kurt. All he wanted was for Kurt to feel better and he saw that it was going to take more time before that would happen. Until then Blaine had a mission. "Now, to find Karofsky."


End file.
